[Grantd13]

I have a weird situation with my ex girlfriend. I broke up with her, and tried to reconcile. She didn’t want to get back together, but wanted to be together all the time and was hot and cold. Eventually, she got jealous because i went out, accused me of trying to be with other girls, and didn’t want to talk with me ever again. I made the huge mistake of begging and pleading at this point, now she doesn’t even look at me when she sees me. Keep in mind, she’s my next door neighbor so we see each other sometimes in passing. We haven’t talked in a week, and she blocked me on Facebook after i unfriended her. But she still follows me on instagram and I still follow her. She sees my posts, and even posted something of her own in response to my post. She acts like she wants nothing to do with me, but I know she’s seeing all of my posts. And she only posts on instagram (what i can see) and never posts on Facebook (friends tell me). She’s told numerous people that she’s done with me, and that she doesn’t feel the same. But she wouldn’t tell me she doesn’t love me, even when i asked her for closure. The day after she told me she doesn’t want me to contact her again (begging and pleading day) She took two days off work and she had her mother come up there. She is always saying that she wants nothing to do with me, but its very obvious she’s sad. She told my friend that she couldn’t deal with the constant breaking up we had done, there was underlying commitment issues on my part. I keep overanalyzing everything, and believe she only posts on instagram because she knows i can see it.

[AskApril Masini]

Sometimes it’s not about you. Thanks to your pre-posting questionnaire, I see that you’re 26 and have been divorced for five years now, and that this relationship you’re writing about lasted for a year and a half. However, your ex-girlfriend is 25 and has been divorced for one year, but has been with you for a year and a half…. so the two of you were dating while she was married. That’s got to have created some conflict for her. In addition,you said that she told a friend that she had a hard time with “the constant breaking up” that the two of you were doing…. Sounds like she’s had some more conflict, there. She’s had a lot going on in a short amount of time and if you can appreciate all that, you’ll understand that this isn’t just about you — it’s about her marriage ending and your part in it — whether you helped her do something she maybe didn’t realize she wanted, or did and now wishes she had back, or that she thought she wanted and maybe now doesn’t. Sometimes no matter what you do, the other person is the one who has to do their own work…. Because you live next door to each other, it’s a lot harder to move on, and you seem to have a very involving social media life which is confusing you further. So, here’s my suggestion: Take a social media vacation! Just stop using it and give yourself a three month break from it so it isn’t confusing to you. By limiting your contact with her to your in person run ins, you’ll have a lot less opportunity to get confused. In addition, that three month break will give you time and space to clear you mind. It’ll also give her a chance to clear hers as well. Check in with her in 3 months and see if she wants to have coffee…. but for now, give her a chance to get over her marriage, divorce and what she described as “constant breaking up” with you. You’ll have a lot clearer picture of things with that social media vacation and some time.

I hope that helps!

[Member]

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