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Hi April I spoke to last year about the over bearing inlaws I have. I would like some further advice as I have taken a step that I hope will make my life more pleasent.
My Mother in law and Sister in law are very manipulative with my partner, constant guilt games and emotional blackmail. His sister has done many things that in my eyes deem her very untrustworthy. Anyway a comment was made on face book by his mother which I disagreed with, her comment was judgemental about a recent murder case so I replied “We must not throw stones, innocent until proven guilty”. My partner stuck up for her and said she has the right to freedom of speech, Yes well not when it is slanderous and i mentioned to him there are many people that have had freedom of speech and abused this i.e Hitler, it depends on the context it is used. Anyway I had gone back onto face book a couple of days later and both my Mother in law and Sister in law had deleted me off their friends list. I laughed and told my partner, I said games are being played because it was a comment made on face book that had nothing to do with your sister so why has she deleted me as well. I also mentioned how funny it was how his mother could delete me off her friends list but keep her ex husband on there the man that beat her up for twenty five years is she saying im worse than that?

So I told him enough’s enough its pathetic now and I cant be bothered anymore its making me ill. Ive decided not to see them again and when they visit him I will go and see friends. Is this the right thing to do.?

I know that there will be more to come from them as they wont be content with this also Im sure they will be very happy that they now have him all to themselves. They are 60 and 30 and its just confuses how at their age they can behave like this.

Thankyou for your time

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It takes two people to play games. Rather than engage them on Facebook it would have been better to say nothing — especially given the tumultuous relationship you have with your partner’s mother and sister. They’re de-friending you from Facebook was just another move in the game. If you decide not to visit them, you’re still engaging in the game.

My advice is that you do visit them with your partner because they’re his family and he’s visiting them. It’s more important that you support your partner than that you play a silly game with his family members. Whenever you have family members with whom you don’t agree and tend to bicker, my advice is to just be quiet and let your partner have a visit with his family, with you as a silent support.

Being right in whatever argument you’re all engaging in is less important than forging a do-able relationship with your in-laws. 😉

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