[Phillies239]

I’ve been through a lot of shit recently and that leads to major issues within myself. My one ex-boyfriend had twisted the way I see myself, i couldn’t even look in a mirror because i hated what I saw. I started to act like someone else because i believed no one would want me for me. So What I ended up doing with my recent ex-boyfriend is, when i met my  recent ex-boyfriend i kind of just felt the attraction. I decided i wanted him to see me as i am, not the girl i was pretending to be just so people would want me. I ended up getting freaked out and my trust issues got to me. I got freaked out he would hurt me like my first ex had done and i really liked this guy, i wouldn’t be able to stand it if he did that. I started pushing him away intentionally by doing things I knew he wouldnt like because at the beginning of the relationship we asked each other questions and one of them had been ” what do you hate in a girlfriend.” that lead me to acting all clingy and annoying to him because I knew he would hate it. At the end of The relationship I kept pestering him about it, i guess to ensure myself that he really wouldn’t want to get too close to me then. I was afraid to let him get close to me, deathly afraid, I mean, these are issues i’ve been dealing with for a long time. In all honesty it’s a messed up way to do things, but I’ve been working with a friend and they’ve helped me work through a lot of my problems. 
     About a month after the break up I ended up realizing how much I truly do like him and had asked a friend to just casually ask if he would give it another try, because I wanted to see his reaction and how badly I messed everything up. My friend had said he looked sad about it being brought up, and it looked like he wanted to say “yes.” It was like that when we broke up too. He had taken a long time to answer, never gave me a direct response and looked like he didn’t want to end it. I would still catch him looking at me too, and I’m still friends with his friends. 
     After I had my friend ask him that I didn’t speak to him again until I went to apologize to him, or try to, for everything I did. I guess he didn’t want to believe my apology because I had used it right after we broke up as a way to pester him.
     Anyways, after working my issues out, I’m still not ready to date, but I want to be friends with him again, so that maybe we can work back up to dating, but I’m unsure how to do that. I had tried apologizing and explaining why i did what I did, but I ended up not knowing how to explain my problems because I’ve never talked about them to anybody and made it look like I wanted to get back together when that was not my intent. I’ve went to other advice sites and some people have told me I need to just forget him, I’ve messed it up beyond re-pair. Others have said I need to give it time and just gain his trust back by my actions. I wanted advice from a professional however, someone who knows what their talking about not some person who has no idea. I have his cellphone but I haven’t spoken to him for about a month, haven’t seen him either since we lead very separate lives. I’m unsure if I should try to work things back up again and follow my heart or of I should just forget him. I’m also unsure how, if that is the right thing to do, to work my way back up to friends and so on. What should I do? 

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, men and women can’t be friends — especially when you’re exes. One person always wants more than the other and feelings are hurt. So my advice is not to try being friends.

Second, my advice is that you work on your personal problems because your relationship problems are a result of your own behavior! That’s the good news and the bad news. It means that the only person who can help you have better relationships is available to you 24/7 — because it’s you!

Decide today that you want to stop being a victim and be someone who loves life and wants to date men who are healthy, available and attracted to you. 😀

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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[Phillies239]

Thank you so much April! I’ve been working on my issues with a friend of mine. A friend had said I should contact him sometime soon, show him through my actions that I am getting better with my problems. I’m unsure if I should for I don’t want him to believe that I’m clingy because I am trying to get ahold of him. Should I listen to my friends opinion and see if he would like to go with a few friends and I somewhere? 

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Don’t contact him. The reason is that by your contacting him, it takes away the opportunity for him to contact you and chase you. If he doesn’t, you’ll know he’s not interested. If he does, you’ll know he is! 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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