[adelaide]

i don’t know where to start. i have been best friends with my guy friend for over a year or so. we are both still in school, and about to graduate college this next semester. this past semester we spent a lot of time together and hung out almost every night and talked every day. so needless to say i developed pretty strong feelings for him. however, this summer i decided to move home to give us a little space and to have our own lives – i mean we have the same classes, some of the same friends, we started a business together, he’s friends with my brother and sister… you get the point. so since the summer started we text often and maybe talk on the phone 2 or 3 times a week to catch up. this past week he randomly brought up a girl he started hanging out with two weeks ago. he didn’t specify anything really except that he enjoys hanging out with her and they grew up in the same church – went to the same high school whatever. anything he said about her he has said the same things about me (“he doesn’t feel like he has to be anyone else” “same upbringing”) obviously he’s somewhat interested in her if he decided to bring her up. previous to this we NEVER talked about us apart from friends. he never told me we were “just friends” which i always just had to assume. however, after he told me about the girl my demeanor changed in my voice (of course) and he knew i was bothered and asked what i am anxious about or what has been bothering me. I have felt like he always knew, but never felt the need to tell him until the right time.

well, i felt like i had to tell him at that point to avoid never telling him. yes this seems like not a big deal, but i am shy and had some family problems in high school that prevented me from getting close to guys. anyways, he wasn’t awkward about it and was glad i told him and basically told me how he thought we had something special in our friendship. but then would tell me things like “i don’t expect you to wait around for me if i ever date someone” and told me how lucky whoever i get married to is. but also told me how i was the one who helped him get over his previous relationship/first love of 3 1/2 years (the girl cheated on him) and how i am the only person he can tell anything too.. etc. yeah i get all of that, but the real thing i am curious about is at the end of our conversation he told me “i’m sorry, but i just don’t have an answer for you right now.” okay, so this whole time i was expecting him to tell me he just thought of me as a friend and he tells me that, which is even worse. so i dont know if he is just honestly confused or if that is just a nice way of him telling me we are just friends. it just sucks because he is my best friend and at some point i knew this was going to happen, because we can’t be “just friends” forever. anyways. i talked to him 5 nights ago and haven’t talked to him since. i decided that if he wants to talk to me – i will let him make the effort, and if he doesn’t i’ll obviously be forced to move on. but i don’t really know what else to do, even though we never dated it still sucks thinking i will lose my best friend and most ties we have. any input is appreciated.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I know you developed feelings for him, but the bottom line is that you were always just good friends with him. You were never a date or a girlfriend. He’s trying to be soft with your feelings, but he’s basically telling you that you’re just a good friend.

I don’t recommend that men and women be friends because one person always has more feelings than the other, and there is confusion for at least one person in the relationship — and sometimes more than just one. My advice is that you let go and move on. He’ll try to keep you around as a friend because that’s what works for him, but he’s going to date other women. You’ll be better off moving on and finding a guy who wants to date you, not just keep you as a friend on the side. 😉

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