[tqb347]

Hey there April,
Thanks for all the advice you post. I’ll try to keep my story brief. I’m 25 and have dated a ton of girls in my life. I’ve been known to be a serial dater, but it’s usually because by the 2nd date I know if I want to pursue something with the girl. I’m not gonna waste our time if I don’t. With that of course, I’ve had many heartbreaks. I also have a history of nice guy syndrome.

Flash forward. I met a girl online in June and we went on a date and I knew right away she was different. Over the course of June she became increasingly “into” me. She was constantly blowing up my phone, trying to hang out, telling her friends about me, etc. I of course really liked her too.

I was going on my family vacation at the end of June. The day night before I left I stayed at her place. She was all over me, telling me how much she liked me and kept saying things like “I can’t believe you’re single.” She even purposefully gave me a bunch of hickies and said she’s marking her territory to keep other girls away from me when i’m on vacation. So she was clearly into me. On my trip. She would text me, but I would begin hearing less of her over the course of the week. I didn’t think much of it as she worked two jobs. But since I had free time and she was clearly on my mind, I too kept trying to reach out to her. I tried to make plans for the day after I returned and she basically said maybe.

I returned home from my trip and she wouldn’t really respond to my texts so that date never happened. I kept messaging her trying to set something up over the next 2 weeks but barely heard from her. I of course knew this was a red flag but I tried being positive. I eventually got these texts from her (I’ll just copy and paste our conversation)

[b]HER:Hey so I’m not sure now is a good time for me to be seeing anyone. Between working 2 jobs full time and starting school up I really need to focus on my work and you deserve someone who can give you more attention than that [/b]
Me:It’s a great time to 🙂 But no seriously, if that’s the only reason- I’m cool with you being super busy. (Didn’t you say you would be working less hours during school year?) If we like each other we can make it work. Wouldn’t it be worth it in the long run?
[b]HER: Yea but only a few less hours so I physically have time in the day for everything The long run is very long. You deserve better than that [/b]
Me:If you just feel bad that you’re busy and worried things may not work because of that then we could just take things in baby steps and see what happens. I think it’s stupid to throw away all possibilities because of being busy. Business comes and goes in life. When there’s a will there’s a way.
However if you just aren’t interested anymore then I don’t want to bug you. But if that’s not the case, I’ll be blunt. I think you’re worth putting the effort in and trying. Things have been going great between us. We can deal with the crazy schedules together. And we can also dance like its 1769.
[b]HER: Look you’re great but I just don’t think we totally clicked. I don’t want to lead you on.[/b]
Me: I see. Sorry you feel that way. Though I’m curious, did I do or say something particular?
[b]HER:No, we just weren’t quite compatable. [/b]
Me:It’s cool
[b]HER: 🙂 you’re a really nice guy tom, I’m just looking for a little more adventure [/b]
Me: Then why didn’t you just say that hahah I’m totally adventurous 8)
[b]HER:I mean it’s not just that. It just wasn’t quite the spark I wanted [/b]
ME: I’m just honestly a little confused because you seemed really into it so idk what changed, unless I suck at reading people
[b]HER:To be 100% honest? [/b]
Me: Well all I’ve ever asked for is honesty and communication
HER:I thought you and I had a great time. But then I met someone that I clicked with like I’ve never clicked with anyone before. It feels like I’ve known him for a life time.
He feels the same way about me and asked me to be his girlfriend a few days ago.
Me :Ouch . Best of luck to you and your life
[b]HER: I’m sorry. I didn’t wanna hurt your feelings [/b]
Me (later in the day when i cooled down some): It’s cool I understand. Sorry about my comment earlier. It was rude and dramatic. I was caught off guard. Maybe we’ll be able to see each other again someday
[b]HER: No worries. Maybe[/b]

At first I blamed her and was basically like WTF but i’ve come to realize that it was probably more my fault than hers. Because looking back, I showed low confidence, and weakness… worst of all, giving her doubts about us (not to mention turned into the nice guy). I of course didn’t do this consciously or on purpose… And i don’t think she even realized that either but… That’s the deal.
That was 2 months ago and I can’t really get her off my mind. We haven’t spoken since. She looks at the snapchats that i post, if that means anything. I got back on the horse quickly and have going on dates with others. To my knowledge she’s still seeing that guy. But I can’t shake this girl off my mind, after dating countless girls in my past I really felt like I found one that i wanted to pursue something meaningful with and it was mutual.. I just somehow let it slip by. But maybe i’m over analyzing.

Okay that’s my rant. Do you think there’s a way to “get her back” or what should I do? etc. Thanks for all your time.

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like you only dated for one month, and she broke it off because she met someone else. 🙁 These things happen, and just like you said that sometimes you know by the second date that a woman’s not right for you, sometimes, it happens the other way around, too. In this case, after a month, she decided that there wasn’t the compatibility she was looking for in a relationship. It’s not you — it’s just that not everybody is a good match. The great thing is that it was only a month of dating and not a year, and that she was straight forward enough not to lead you on, so you know where you stand.

My advice is to to move on, play the field and consider a timeline I like to use where you use the first three months of dating someone to decide if you even want to continue dating them. If you do, at the end of three months, you can use the second three months to decide if you want to be monogamous. I know this may seem slow to you, but the benefit of this timeline is that you don’t get so invested before you’re both really sure. 😉

I’m sorry that this didn’t work out for you, but I think it’s a great opportunity for you to turn away from a door that’s closed and start looking for those that are open. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

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