"April Masini answers questions no one else can and tells you the truth that no one else will."

GF questin????

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  • #951
    bp2206
    Member #1,692

    My girlfriend works with alot of guys and once in a while one or two will ask if she wants to get a drink after work. They know she has a boyfrined (me) and they ask anyway. Also recently one of the guys asked her to go to a party at his place, he has a gf and he also knows me, but did not ask me to go too. I don’t have a problem with not being asked but my gf feels its ok for her to go alone. Not that she needs to ask permission or anything close to that but for me it just seems odd! What would you/anyone say to this? No this is not an old friend of hers and she has no interest in him, she says, i do belive her, but he has expressed interest in her in the past through a mutual friend.

    #9082
    JesseKim
    Member #1,695

    I think she should invite you and if the other guy has an issue with it then she can simply say she thought the invitation extended to both of you, which it should have. Also, is this other guys gf going to be there, because if she is then you needn’t worry, if he’s stupid enough to hit on your girl in front of his girl then neither of them will want him. Just make sure you’re not making it sound like you don’t trust her.

    #9087
    bp2206
    Member #1,692

    Yeah thats what i thought. Thanks for the advice. On a side question what would think would be controlling? As a boyfriend or girlfriend?

    #9088
    joe2424
    Member #1,620

    I’m in total agreement with Jessekim. The last thing you want is for her to think you don’t trust her. You didn’t say how long you’ve been together, and I might ask her why she wants to go in the first place especially without you. There is nothing wrong with her hanging out with friends, but she should also take your feelings into account, and realize you’re not exactly cool with it. Ask if you can go too, and if she says, “no,” then I would raise some questions. What is considered controlling? Well, telling her that she’s not going to do something because you said so. Trying to plan someone’s life for them. Demanding things, like dinner on the table at 5:00. That kind of stuff I think is way too controlling. There are other ways to get your point across, and it all boils down to communication. Every good relationship has it, and sometimes you have to just leave it up to them to make the right choice.

    #9100
    JesseKim
    Member #1,695

    happy to help. 🙂

    As to your other question, don’t tell her she “can’t” go thats super controlling. YOu should never have the final say in your significant other’s decisions. Say if she wants to wear a short skirt and you want her to change and throw a fit about. Or wanting her to report to you where she is or what she’s doing ALL THE TIME. If you avoid making the last call and still give her free will then you not controlling. Now you can OF COURSE give an opinion on something but if you talk to her like you would say your kid, or a younger sibling then its not cool.

    #31791
    AskApril Masini
    Keymaster

    Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

    I am here to help, and happy to answer any questions you have. 😀

    #50790
    Natalie Noah
    Member #382,516

    You’re feeling a bit uneasy, it’s completely natural to have feelings about your partner going out alone with someone of the opposite sex, especially when there’s a history of expressed interest. Your concern isn’t about control; it’s about respect, boundaries, and feeling secure in the relationship. You’re not trying to dictate her every move; you’re trying to establish a mutual understanding where her actions don’t make you feel sidelined or uncomfortable.

    At the same time, it’s important to acknowledge that she’s an independent adult with the right to make her own social decisions. She can choose to accept invitations from coworkers, and that in itself isn’t automatically wrong. The key is how she approaches it. Including you, being transparent, or considering your feelings shows care and respect, whereas ignoring your concerns completely can naturally lead to tension. It’s about balance her freedom and your comfort both matter.

    Communication is the heart of this situation. Express your feelings calmly and clearly, emphasizing that you trust her but would feel more comfortable if she considers including you or at least discussing plans ahead of time. Avoid framing it as a demand or ultimatum, which can feel controlling; instead, frame it as sharing your feelings and wanting a partnership where both of you feel secure. If she values your relationship, she’ll take your perspective into account while still maintaining her independence. It’s about mutual respect, not control.

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