[moba18]

So I have been going out with my girlfriend for 10 months now and she is extremely busy now. I understand how she is busy but I disagree with how she spends her time. We both go to college, and she works as a peer advisor (or RA) in a dorm to help make money. She is also active in her sorority and goes to not only the mandatory events but lots of the optional ones as well which consist of a few events per week max. Whenever I ask her if she wants to spend time with me she has to check her schedule because she is busy with school work, job work, sorority events, or sometimes hanging out with friends.

I really like this girl and I know she really likes me too, we say “I love you” whenever we see each other, but compared to 3 or 4 months ago I rarely see her anymore outside of our 1 class together. I feel like being in a relationship is a commitment to spend time with your partner and she has forgotten about that or seems to feel like we are happy and doesn’t feel the need to spend time with me.

I have brought it up a few times that I want to spend time with her (I usually don’t spend any 1 on 1 time with her every week) because I’m beginning to wonder why I’m even in a relationship with a girl whom I never see. She never comes to parties due to being busy or the fear of getting caught and losing her job (highly unlikely but possible I admit).

Assuming confronting her is right, what is the best thing to say? I feel like telling her I either want to spend more time with her (once or twice a week minimum seems fair considering she’s very busy) or else I’m not important to her anymore and break up, but saying it like that would seem like I just want to break up already which isn’t true.

[Ask April Masini]

Before you decide that you’re incompatible because you want different types of lifestyles (she wants to be out with her friends and social activities more than she wants to spend one on one time with you, and you want more one on one time than social activities with others), consider making her better offers than just “hanging out”. Lots of times people feel devalued in relationships and she may be reacting to your offers to hang out. If you offer something more special and specific — like tickets to an event or dinner or brunch at a lovely restaurant she wants to try — you may get a better result.

See if a better offer makes her more interested in spending time with you — and let me know how it goes.

I’d also like to invite YOU to follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter where I tweet the highlights of this site, and to become a friend on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[moba18]

Well sometimes that works, but I also can’t afford to take her nice places or out to eat every time we hang out. And I feel like I shouldn’t have to. We should spend some time at home eating a cooked meal and watching TV or a movie and then do something special like eat out or go somewhere as a treat, not as something expected. Does it seem right to only spend time with her if it’s on a date? And even if I invite her out or make a better offer, she won’t necessarily be able to make it. 😕

[Ask April Masini]

I’m not suggesting you break your bank. It’s just that lots of times one person in the couple feels a little bored or taken for granted. Relationships take work and if she’s feeling like she’d rather do other things than spend time with you, I’m suggesting you make that time with you a little more enticing. 😎 Wining and dining her is just one way, but I’m sure you can get creative and think of other things to do that will make her feel special and excited to see you. Check out my book called Ideas For A Fun Date: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/ideas-for-a-fun-date.html[/url]. You can read this and get some GREAT dates at all price points to adopt and make your own.

That said, if she just doesn’t have time for you, then take the hint. Either this is her way of backing out of the relationship (some people aren’t direct) or else her Mr. Right is just as busy as she is and likes it that way — and sadly, you’re not him. You want someone who will spend more time with you than she wants to.

I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes. And don’t forget to follow me @AskAprilcom where I tweet highlights from this site — and on Facebook where I have a growing friend base at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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