[britmel70]

I met a guy in July. He works on cruise ships and i have proberly spent around 3 weeks with him in total so far. I last saw him in August, he going tom be away for a few months. We are in regular e mail and text contact and things have become very intimate in them. He recently told me alot about himself. He has alot of sexual partners, has had sex with multiple partners, likes things kinky etc. I want some more excitement in my life. He is so much more experienced than me and i just dont know what to think of everything he told me. Says he wants a serious relationship now. I want to believe him but his past keeps going round and round in my head. Cant decided if i should wait until he comes back and see what happens. Or am in way over my head in this relationship. I am 40 and he is 42.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think you’re in over your head in this relationship because you seem very articulate about what you like and what you dislike here. The problem is that he doesn’t appear to be someone he says he is. He may say he wants a serious relationship, but he’s also told you he has lots of sexual partners and a lifestyle that supports that type of relationship behavior. You’re confused because you’re not sure he’s willing and able to do what he says he wants to do. I know you want an instant answer on this, but your suggestion that you wait until he comes back and see what happens is a good one. Let him be the guy in this relationship (read Think & Date Like A Man for your best dating results — you can get it at Barnes & Noble, Amazon or onlin here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]). If he wants to pursue you, he will. If you see a change in his behavior, then know that he was not only sincere in his desire to suddenly have a serious relationship, but he is able to do so. If you don’t see a change, then you know he’s not someone who will give you that serious relationship I think you want.

I hope that helps. Let me know if that clears up your confusion and how things go.

Follow me on Twitter @AskAprilcom and join me on Facebook, too, at this link: [url][/url].

[Anonymous]

Thank you very much. I really wanted someone else’s opinion on this. Will hopefully meet him again in few weeks and will update. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Don’t forget to buy the book and read it! I’m happy to give you my advice, but what you need in addition, is the information in the book. It’s going to help you a lot! Here’s that link (unless you want to buy it at Amazon or Barnes & Noble): [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

You can also follow me on Twitter @AskAprilcom (no dot!) where I tweet daily highlights form this forum so you can keep up without checking in every day here, and you can join me on Facebook, too, at this link: [url][/url].

[britmel70]

Hello again
Since i last wrote i am still waiting for him to come back. He should be home in one more month. We still text each other most days, not so many e mails anymore though. Started using Skype, but because of time difference it has not been often. I do sometimes start thinking when he takes a long time to respond to my messages, can he really be bothered with us anymore. Even though he has now said he loves me it is so, so hard waiting this long. But i keep thinking i have waited this long i may as well wait a few more weeks. When he comes back it should be for 3 months. Alot of friends think i am mad for waiting so long for someone i was only with for a few weeks. Soon should know where this is heading and will have answers. Thank you for your advice 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I hope you’ll [i]take[/i] my advice and buy and read Think & Date Like A Man, so you have tools and advice under your belt for when he arrives. Here’s the link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. You can also buy it on the websites for Barnes & Noble and on Amazon.com. 😀

See you on Facebook at this link: [url][/url] and @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

[britmel70]

Hello again April. I wrote to you a while ago about my long distance relationship. Its been just over a year and a half now. For the 1st year and a bit everything was so good. We were in contact every day either by e mail/text/IM. We had an amazing time when he came back, though was short. He went away again last June, he is still away now. For the last few months there is hardly any communication with him anymore. I have not had a text from him in more than a month. If he answers my e mails, they are very brief. We very occasionlly talk on Yahoo IM. Most of the time he “loses his connection”. I know this is possible, but it seems to be only when he talks to me. Sometimes i see him signed in and say hi, how are you etc. And he just ignores me. Or it could that he gets distracted and wanders off. Every time we do chat he is working, seems to be the only time he can. I sent an e mail asking him if he still wants a relationship and wants to see me when he comes back. I mentioned that when we 1st met is was a deal that we would always be honest with each other weather it be good or bad. All he said was How are you, miss you. Will send you the money to pay my phone. Love you and lots of kisses. He said to me he had been having trouble paying his mobile phone bill, so has been sending me the money to do it. This time, i just did it. Hopefully him sending the money was not a lie. Considering he has not sent me any texts at all, his phone bill was big. He has said he cant always get a signal on his phone to text. Which i also know can be true, but his phone bill was very high with him texting someone. Of course i mentioned it, but he ignored the question. It seems he only wants to talk to me about sexual things, which i don’t mind occasionally. Sometimes i feel like its the only way we can have a conversation, if i start talking kinky. I cant believe he would just end things by ignoring me more and more, i cant believe he wouldn’t say what he wants even when i have asked. Sometimes it feels like he is playing games or using me. I thought i had got to know him, and trusted him like family. I feel like we had become so close. I have to bear in mind that he works 15+ hours every single day, 7 days a week. And he has been doing this for 11 months now. Other thoughts i have are that he is tired, stressed and i should be patient and wait till he comes back, which could be anytime. A big problem is also time difference, he is 12 hours in front of me. I dont want to end things if he is going to be back soon. But it is just so hard like this. Would appreciate your opinion. Friends say dump him, and i would say the same thing to someone else. But i have known him for nearly 2 years and it is not so easy to just walk away.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Do you have a specific question?

[britmel70]

Do you think he might be using me or playing games. Things seem to have changed and i dont understand why. He wont tell me. Sometimes it seems like he does not even like me that much anymore and i cant think of any reason why. He just wont tell me anything.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s definitely using you. 😳 Paying his phone bill for him was a mistake. 😳

It doesn’t sound like he actually takes you out on dates or that you’ve spent much real face time together in the last two years.

I think that you’re avoiding you don’t want to do the work that real dating requires, and I would advise you to move on because you’re wasting your time with someone who is probably cheating on you and doesn’t appear to care about you much any more.

I’m sorry. This probably isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s much better for you to face the music, stop wasting time, and move on, then to hold out hope for someone who will never be your Mr. Right.

[britmel70]

Hello April. You didn’t tell me anything i was not already thinking myself. Sometimes someone telling you what they think that is not connected with you makes things clearer to know what you should do. It is hard for me to accept. This is someone i have given 100% of myself to, trusted and opened up to like no one else. When we were together he treated me like a queen and felt like we had a connection. I have to accept that for whatever reason things have changed, and try and move on. I noted what you said about me avoiding and not wanting to do the work that real dating requires. At 1st i thought what does she mean by that? Then i thought about it. Before i met him it had been several years since my last relationship. I have tried to download your book ‘Think And Date Like A Man’, but had problems downloading, hope i can get to read it. Think i can learn a lot from it 🙂
Thank you

[April Masini, your AskApril]

What kind of trouble are you having downloading the book? You can e-mail me and I’ll help you out: AskApril@AskAprilcom.

[Member]

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