[mwa]

Hey April,

I have had many casual encounters with women throughout my life, but only one serious relationship. I don’t easily commit, as I give it my all when I do.
I met this woman a little while back and she amazed me beyond words. Everything has been going great and we are in a committed relationship.
I am starting to fall for her, but there is an issue.
She had dinner with her ex-boyfriend, which she told me about hours prior to going, and is friends with men that she has been intimate with in the past.
I have no problem with her being friends with men, but her being close with another man who has slept with her doesn’t sit well with me.
She is kind and values friendships. I know she is someone who does not like being controlled. I don’t think of myself as a controlling person. I have no problem with her spending time with her friends (female and male) without me, going out for ladies night, dressing however she wants.
But when there is history, it is different for me.
This is the second time I am giving someone my all, but a similar circumstance was the downfall of my first relationship. With her it was a friend who she had an on-and-off thing with before I met her (they are married now).
I don’t impose myself on anyone, so I tried to keep it bottled in. We would fight about it from time to time and it eventually lead me to lose my feelings for her and breaking up with her.

I sincerely care for the woman who is in my life right now and I would hate to lose my feelings for someone who I feel inspired to treat like a goddess.

I hope you can help, thanks!

-Brad

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. So, from your intake questionnaire, I can tell that you’re both 25 and you’ve been together for three months. Given that, I don’t think you’re controlling, but you are trying to establish compatibility, and that’s very normal and healthy! 🙂 I always suggest that when you’re dating someone, use the first three months of a relationship to get to know each other and decide if you want to continue dating each other based on what you’ve learned. You should assume that she’s playing the field during this time, as she should, you. It’s too early in the game for commitment because you don’t know each other well enough. If, after three months, which is where you are now, you do want to continue dating, use the next three months to decide if you want monogamy or not.

I know you wish that she was only seeing you, but she’s still testing the waters and she’s seeing other guys. You have competition! 😉 And that’s not a bad thing. You’re going to have to win her over if you want monogamy from her. If, however, you don’t like dating someone who keeps contact with ex lovers and ex boyfriends, and you don’t want to compete with them, then instead of trying to get her to change, you should opt out. This is really about your getting to know her and deciding if you want to stay in the game or not.

I hope that helps.

[Member]

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