[Sincereguy1]

Here is a conversation concerning my girlfriend not accepting my facebook request. She seems to be saying that the hesitance to add me is that she doesnt want “people” to know about her being in a relationship and who with(her “privacy”). Keep in mind that. I sent the friend request on september 4th at about 8pm( Australia was at the time, 14 hours ahead so her fb received it at 10am the following day. On sunday morning September 6th at about 8am (10pm same day her time), i told her that i sent a request two days earlier and her reply was( i just found out that i washed my phone in the sheets and i didn’t see any facebook request and i don’t have a head for that so don’t disturb me about it). This reply is saying she isn’t in the mood to accept my request because of being upset abt her phone. Two weeks after the conversation, saturday september 19th, she got a new phone but a few days after, i still wasnt added. So i let two more weeks go by of not being accepted until i on october 1st, had the conversation you see here, where i brought up the issue again. Tell me what you think of all this and about what the real reason is that she is not accepting me. Thanks.
[10/1, 7:54 AM] Alfred: Ok. I sent something to your facebook. Ttyl later. Kisses.
[10/1, 7:55 AM] kiku: What ??
[10/1, 7:55 AM] kiku: Ok bye
[10/1, 8:35 AM] Alfred: Oh. Well it was the friend request from me that we talked abt weeks ago and i also sent a message two days ago asking “can you tell me if you are receiving my messages on fb?”

But u didnt accept it yet or answer if u are receiving the messages, even though u said u didnt accept it yet bcs was upset about the phone, but two weeks have gone by after getting the phone but still have not accepted it yet. So these are what i meant by i sent something to ur facebook.
[10/1, 9:21 AM] kiku: I barely use it
[10/1, 9:21 AM] kiku: And
[10/1, 9:21 AM] kiku: I haven’t
[10/1, 9:22 AM] kiku: Seen any message
[10/1, 9:22 AM] kiku: I use more Twitter
[10/1, 9:22 AM] kiku: Or Instagram
[10/1, 9:22 AM] kiku: But not fb
[10/1, 9:22 AM] kiku: I used to use it a lot
[10/1, 9:22 AM] kiku: Years ago
[10/1, 9:22 AM] kiku: But not
[10/1, 9:22 AM] kiku: Lastly
[10/1, 9:53 AM] Alfred: Well dont know how u havent seen the msgs if you have the app on your phone because im sure you put the app on ur new phone bcs u said it was having problems only on ur old phone. And since u said u didnt add me was only bcs u were upset abt not having a ph, that tells me u wd have added me soon after getting the new one. Or within the two weeks that have gone by after getting it. But can u add? me bcs i do use it
[10/1, 9:55 AM] Alfred: We can use it together.
[10/1, 10:26 AM] kiku: I can add u
[10/1, 10:26 AM] kiku: The thing is that
[10/1, 10:27 AM] kiku: I try tp dont use it
[10/1, 10:27 AM] kiku: I mean
[10/1, 10:27 AM] kiku: I just check
[10/1, 10:27 AM] kiku: Stuffs
[10/1, 10:27 AM] kiku: But
[10/1, 10:27 AM] kiku: I dont wanna
[10/1, 10:27 AM] kiku: Make public my life
[10/1, 10:27 AM] kiku: Like a teenager
[10/1, 10:27 AM] kiku: That’s not my stils
[10/1, 10:27 AM] kiku: I rarely put a pic
[10/1, 10:27 AM] kiku:
[10/1, 10:27 AM] kiku: Almost never
[10/1, 10:28 AM] kiku: Yeats ago when l was 19 20 l use to public
[10/1, 10:28 AM] kiku: A lot
[10/1, 10:28 AM] kiku: But l think is time to be more mature
[10/1, 10:28 AM] kiku: And keep your life
[10/1, 10:28 AM] kiku: Private
[10/1, 10:28 AM] kiku: And not being expoising or showing
[10/1, 10:28 AM] kiku: Details
[10/1, 10:28 AM] kiku: To people
[10/1, 10:29 AM] kiku: I will add u tomorrow
[10/1, 10:29 AM] kiku: I am really tired
[10/1, 10:29 AM] kiku: Was talking tp my dad
[10/1, 10:29 AM] kiku: By whatsap
[10/1, 10:29 AM] kiku: And phone
[10/1, 10:29 AM] kiku: About the tickets
[10/1, 10:29 AM] kiku: And documents
[10/1, 10:29 AM] kiku: For universitu
[10/1, 10:29 AM] kiku: Gonna sleep
[10/1, 10:29 AM] Alfred: I dont understand why cant now but ok.
[10/1, 10:29 AM] Alfred: You have ur laptop in front of u maybe but well
[10/1, 10:29 AM] kiku: Because l gonna sleeeep
[10/1, 10:30 AM] kiku: ARE U A CHILD OR WHAT ?????
[10/1, 10:30 AM] kiku: IS OFFFFFFFF
[10/1, 10:30 AM] kiku: I AM IN MY BED
[10/1, 10:30 AM] kiku: DO U WANNA FIGHT AGAIN RIGHT?
[10/1, 10:30 AM] kiku: THE GOOD WORDS U JUST SAID SOME HOURS AGO
[10/1, 10:30 AM] kiku: JUST WENT to sh**
[10/1, 10:30 AM] kiku: AGAIN
[10/1, 10:30 AM] kiku: gonna sleep
[10/1, 10:30 AM] kiku: Bye

[AskApril Masini]

From what you’ve posted here, it sounds like she doesn’t like to use Facebook, but she does use Twitter and Instagram. You’re upset that she doesn’t want to use Facebook which you prefer.

On the surface it seems like if you want to have a social media connection with her, you might want to just use the two platforms that she likes…. but there may be more going on beneath the surface. How old are you both? How long have you been dating, and is this a long distance relationship? If so, have you dated in person, or just connected online?

Fill me in and I’ll give you some more advice. 🙂

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Sincereguy1]

I am 39 and she just turned 25 in june. Met online on october 23rd of 2013 on adating site called latinlovesearch.com but the new name is primo or primo love. I know bcs i checked recently to be sure she wasn’t still with an active profile on there…because in feb of 2014, 2 months after closing the profile, something told me to check and be sure it wasn’t reopened and when i looked, it was open again..her claiming she didn’t know how that happened then a few minutes later said “i know what happened, i didnt hit the last button”. The “last button” was a “confirmation to close profile” button that she clicked when originally closing it in december 2013. She couldnt possibly, in feb 2014 not remember hitting the “confirmation to close profile button” in december 2013 bcs after clicking the button, she even she showed me a pic from her laptop that showed the screen that says that the profile has now been closed. We agreed that the relationship became official on december 1st of 2013 so been together 2 years. I have only seen her once…for a week in april of 2014 but she will be here again december 26th to January 24th.
Their was also late night and early morning conversations on whatsapp from at least feb 2014 to july of this year. Sjlhe moved from peru to australia tge first week of this year. When asked in feb 2014 who she was talking to at those times, shr said a female friend who now lives in new zealand. And said i was being insecure by asking who is she talking to at those early amd late times….but obviously that is logical, not insecure to question that and doesn’t make sense she said it was insecure bcs she questioned me abt yhe same action which however was only to wake up early to see if she had finally sent a replied that she should have sent the night before. I noticed that she neeeever taljs about her guy friends, but i know they exist because i see their profiles in her google plus page and by the fact they like some of her fb pics…the likes…some of them are public though her profile is private. She has mentioned several female friend names but never mentions or brings up guy friends or their names. Literally, the only time she named a guy was when i asjed her who bought her the watch she showed me in a pic from a Christmas 2013 work dinner party. Because it was a gift from a man and a nice watch at that…as a secret santa gift…i asked if she or he ever wanted anything more than friendship with eachother and she replied “no, we are just friends “
The gift and how nice it was made it logical to ask.
And when i asked her about “what she meant by
“I have MET brazilian guys at the english school she attends and they are not like that” (her reply to me saying Brazilian men are macho) she proceeded to say about how she met some brazilian GIRLS in the school and that they and brazilian people are very nice people….i asked her to explain her comment about Brazilian GUYS and she answered about brazilian GIRLS….this to me confirmed what i suspected….that she has some issue with talking about her GUY friends…hopevthis helps to get more info from you…thanks

[Sincereguy1]

Oh another thing i wanted to say was how could she say she didn’t hit the “last button”….(the “suspend profile” button), when she showed me the screen that says “profile suspended ” after she pressed the button. Unbelieveable!

[Sincereguy1]

Further. Originally, i requested her on fb just to be in her friend’s list, bcs its a normal relationship thing to do. But then when i saw that she was giving reasons to delay and not do it, i started pressing to be added so i could see what she is hiding on there. So seeing what exactly she is hiding (me from someone or something or someone from me and why).. has become my new reason to be added.. Thus is now why i keep pressing to be added.

[AskApril Masini]

Okay, got it! Thank you for the information — it fills in a lot of the blanks in the picture. 🙂

So you’re 39 and your girlfriend turned 25 this summer, and you’ve been together for 2 years — since she was 23 — but you only had [b][u]one date[/u][/b], which lasted for a week, back in April 2014. 😕 Hmmmm….. Normally, I tell people who meet online if there isn’t a date within three months of meeting online, to move on because it’s very difficult to make a relationship work, when there’s no physical contact, regardless of the reason.

But even if things were working out, what you’re picking up on with her, is probably that she is flirting with and/or dating other men, and not wanting to tell you because it will upset you. This is normal behavior in a long distance relationship. I know you don’t want this to happen, which is why you’re focusing on her refusing to use Facebook — because that is something you can try to control more easily than her dating. It didn’t make any sense that you wouldn’t just let the Facebook issue go, but now I see it’s deeper than social media.

So, here’s my advice: For [i]anyone[/i] — whether it’s her in her early 20s at college or you in your late 30s in the work field — only dating someone once every 2 years is not practical. 😕 If you want to meet people online, that’s great — but you have to be a lot looser about things and not get jealous if she’s dating because you’re not there to take her out and it’s the weekend. You can’t expect her to sit home, dateless, for over a year, because you’re not visiting her. And of course, the same goes for her! So, if you can’t visit her every couple of months, then I think a long distance relationship isn’t a great option for you.

However, if you are serious about her, and you want to see if she’s serous about you, then this is a good time to consider stepping up your game, and visiting her every couple of months — and if you can’t, being a lot more understanding of what it is to be a 25 year old woman in college, with a boyfriend who doesn’t visit. It’s not a judgment call — and nobody here is good or bad — but relationships have to work out, and if you can’t date her regularly, you’re going to get angry at little things like Facebook, instead of the underlying problems which for some reason — I’m not sure why you don’t want to fix. If you do write back, let me know why you don’t visit her, and if you’d consider visiting more often. 😉
And as always, let me know if you have any other questions or need any more advice.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Sincereguy1]

Actually i do want to work out our underlying problems. One of which is the lack of physical contact. And at least as a first step tp working them out, we will spend new years and the week before, together. I feel that we can work our issues out better in person than by phone, whatsapp or email.
1) So as far as the biggest question i have….the reason she hasn’t added me yet, almost 6 weeks after telling her i sent the request, is because she has a guy or guys on her facebook that she is invloved with, that she doesn’t want me to know about?
2) And is it even possible that when she 6 weeks ago, replied to me telling her about the facebook request, and said she just found out she washed her phone with the sheets, that she really washed her phone? Or you think that was a lie to somehow avoid accepting the request?

Thanks again.

[AskApril Masini]

It’s great that you understand that the underlying problems have to do with lack of contact. 🙂 And it’s awesome that you have a winter visit planned. But you should try to see her once a month, if possible. Once every 18 months isn’t going to advance your cause! 🙂 Monthly visits will help you get to know each other better. 😀

As for your questions, I don’t know the answers to your specifics, but I think she would be wise to not advertise that she’s in a relationship with you, given the one date commitment, so she can keep her options open And I think the same for you — since you don’t see each other much, you should be playing the field, as well. I do think she’s flirting and dating. I don’t know if it’s with people she knows on Facebook or not — but when people meet online, they’re usually meeting more than just one person online, so the odds of her dating other guys are high. I think you should assume she’s dating, just to be safe. And to be understanding of why it’s not a bad idea if she is. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you, but she doesn’t feel a commitment to you, and that’s actually appropriate, since you’ve only met up once in 3 years.

Same goes for your question about the phone. She may have made it up because she just wanted to get out of the pressure of your focusing on Facebook — or not. Bottom line, these are small problems. Focus on the big issue at hand — physical contact. 🙂

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Sincereguy1]

Thanks for the thoughts. And by the way. It was at just after or just before 10pm when she told me that she just found out she washed her phone with the sheets. That would mean that she was washing clothes roughly 10pm. Her washing clothes that late is not something i have heard of before. And usually, she is in bed by about 11pm these days… for the last few months.

Alfred

[AskApril Masini]

Focus on the big picture, Alfred — not the details. Don’t sweat the small stuff — do take care of the big stuff. 🙂

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[PassionSeeker]

I can see why this whole Facebook thing feels unsettling. You’re not just frustrated about a friend request; you’re sensing distance and inconsistency, and that’s what’s really bothering you. From what you’ve shared, she might genuinely prefer keeping her life private online some people don’t like broadcasting relationships. But her tone, her defensiveness, and the delay don’t match simple disinterest in Facebook. It reads more like she’s avoiding having your connection seen, which usually means she’s keeping her options open or doesn’t want questions from others about you.

The “washed phone” story might have been a quick excuse to dodge confrontation rather than a lie planned to deceive but either way, it shows she didn’t want to deal with the topic.

At this point, focus less on whether she adds you and more on how transparent and consistent she is with you overall. When you’re together again, watch her actions, not her words. If she values the relationship, openness will come naturally if not, you’ll feel that too.

[James Smith]

Man, this whole Facebook saga gave me flashbacks to when my ex refused to tag me in photos. She said it was because she wanted to “protect her privacy,” but the only thing she was protecting was her Tinder matches. One time I commented under one of her selfies with a heart emoji, and five minutes later the post mysteriously disappeared. I felt like I’d just committed a social media crime.

Here’s the deal, Alfred. When someone really wants you to be part of their life, they’ll make it known—even if they don’t use Facebook much. If she’s active enough to talk about university documents and WhatsApp calls but can’t take ten seconds to hit “accept,” it’s not about privacy, it’s about priorities.

Let me ask you this: if you stopped bringing it up completely, do you think she’d eventually add you—or would she just keep “forgetting”?

[Marcus king]

Alright, let’s be real — her reasons don’t line up. When someone truly wants you in their life, they don’t keep you off something as simple as Facebook for privacy. That’s not privacy — that’s avoidance.

The timeline shows it all:

She had plenty of chances to accept your request — even after getting a new phone.

Each time you asked, she got defensive or dismissive.

Then when pressed, she turned it into you being the problem (“Are you a child or what?”). That’s classic deflection — turning your valid concern into an argument so she doesn’t have to answer directly.

Her “I don’t like to expose my life” explanation sounds mature on the surface, but if she’s active on other platforms like Instagram or Twitter, it falls apart. What she really doesn’t want is to make your connection visible — maybe to avoid questions, keep options open, or control the narrative.

Bottom line: if she was proud to be with you, she wouldn’t be hiding you. Her reaction shows irritation at being called out, not genuine confusion or apology.

You’re not crazy for asking. You’re just seeing the cracks she’s trying to paint over with “privacy.”

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe, she’s not hiding from facebook, she’s hiding you. “privacy” is just the pretty word for “i don’t wanna be seen with him.” if she wanted to, she would’ve. period. 💅

[Tara]

Face it. She’s hiding something. She’s being sneaky. People who have nothing to hide don’t need a new excuse every week. First it’s a broken phone, then a new one, then “I don’t use Facebook,” and finally the classic “I’m mature now, I don’t post my life online.” Spare me. That’s not privacy, that’s a cover story.

She doesn’t want you tagged, seen, or connected because she wants room to play single when it suits her. And when you asked about it, she didn’t explain, she attacked. That’s what liars do when they’re cornered. The anger isn’t about boundaries, it’s about guilt.

If she wanted you in her life, she’d have added you in seconds and locked it down quietly. Instead, she turned it into a fight and made you feel stupid for even asking. That’s manipulation. She’s trying to train you not to question her.

[Member]

Posts