[pulchritude]

We met in 2009…he was really into me…I wasn’t into to him at all–at the time–so we just became friends. He subsequently moved to a city three hours away. About 8 months later we re-connected and sparks flew. We started a long-distance relationship which we made work because we really liked each other. Our relationship never became official, however, because, at the time, I was so insecure and terrified of getting hurt that I sabotaged the relationship. He really cared about me, so he gave me so many chances. We were on and off for a while and then ultimately became just good friends. This was over the course of about two years.

So I’ve grown a lot since then and am in a really great place in my life. I’m finally happy and have learned to love myself. So we re-connected on a more romantic level back in September of this year. I went to visit him a few times and we just hung out (no sex, just cuddling and the like). A few weeks ago, I told him that I was sorry for everything I did in the past and that I am ready to try again–this time without the drama. He told me he is open to trying again. I left him alone after that–I didn’t want to seem forceful–and about two weeks later (about a week and a half ago), he invited me to spend Thanksgiving with him and his roommates. I’m so happy, excited and grateful about this, but now I just want to make sure I don’t screw it up! 🙂

So here are my questions:

First: Am I handling this okay so far? Since I opened up about wanting to try again, I’ve been giving him his space to come around on his own (i.e.: not initiating contact, etc.). Is this the best way for me to go about it? We hardly communicate at all–no phone calls or “just because” texts–and I want to know that this is normal and that I’m doing the right thing by letting him figure things out without pushing him in one direction or the other.

Second: What are other ways I can facilitate him coming around? Or behaviors/actions I can show him to make him feel comfortable to open up and realize that there truly is a safe place next to me? My goal isn’t to rush or push him in one way or the other, I want to come around on his own. I just plan on being the new wonderful me and let him figure out that I’ve changed as he experiences it. I know it’s going to take time for the wounds to heal and for him to fully trust me and open up again.

Any advice you can give will be so appreciated!

Thank you! 🙂

[AK_Lady]

I think that you’re handling it will, but there’s no harm in sending him a just because text once or twice a week. Find a legitimate excuse or reason to talk to him, maybe ask what you should bring on Thanksgiving? When you see him give him a BIG hug and tell him that you’ve really missed him. Make your feelings clear but don’t be overbearing.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]First: Am I handling this okay so far? Since I opened up about wanting to try again, I’ve been giving him his space to come around on his own (i.e.: not initiating contact, etc.). Is this the best way for me to go about it? We hardly communicate at all–no phone calls or “just because” texts–and I want to know that this is normal and that I’m doing the right thing by letting him figure things out without pushing him in one direction or the other. [/quote]

Yes, you’re doing fine. And you’re correct to let him chase you, however…. you have to give him something to chase. 😎 Flirting is your best friend here, and make sure that when he does contact you, you make it clear how amazing he is, and how you enjoy being with him. I like [b]AK_Lady’s[/b] suggestion that you ask him what you can bring for Thanksgiving. But definitely, give him something to chase after, which will help redefine your relationship. 😉

[quote]Second: What are other ways I can facilitate him coming around? Or behaviors/actions I can show him to make him feel comfortable to open up and realize that there truly is a safe place next to me? My goal isn’t to rush or push him in one way or the other, I want to come around on his own. I just plan on being the new wonderful me and let him figure out that I’ve changed as he experiences it. I know it’s going to take time for the wounds to heal and for him to fully trust me and open up again.[/quote]

There are lots of things that guys love — and making him feel good about himself and about you two as a couple, when he’s with you, is what will bring him around. Think & Date Like A Man, is a book I wrote for women who want to find, get and keep Mr. Right, and you’ll find loads of details on what you can do in that book: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. 🙂

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