[IllGiveItAShot]

Long story short:

been 5 months since the breakup.

dated my ex for almost 2 years. She let go of me because we couldn’t create enough time for each other, let alone quality time. Never yelled at each other or had any fights but we definitely didn’t communicate enough throughout the relationship on what we didn’t like about it. After she let me go she contacted me a few times in which we just had a good friendly conversation about our lives. She said she missed me and had been thinking about me twice and so i said it back once thinking that it might spark something but nothing ever happened. I felt like she had been playing around with me but to be honest… she is an incredibly nice lady that i really think had no bad intentions. Now we haven’t spoken in a month but she liked a photo of me on fb and a few on Instagram… i guess just to say she is still there in my life… but not actually.

Now her birthday is coming up next month and i have no idea what to do. Id love to meet up for lunch or something like that but really don’t know how to go about it. I know that she knows ill say happy birthday and maybe that’s why we haven’t spoken in a long time because she knows that we will eventually when that day comes.

few questions:
-How do i go about contacting her again after its been a month with zero contact.

-If we end up seeing each other again how should i go about it?

-Would it be bad to ask for a second chance for best case scenario she lets us work on things or worst case scenario i get the closure i need.

Thank you.

[AskApril Masini]

Since one of the problems in the relationship you had with her, was communication, this is a great opportunity to try some better communication. If you want to date her again, then be clear about that. Tell her you’d like to take her out for her birthday, and pick a special place that might be celebratory and a great venue in which to rekindle romance. Make it clear that it’s a date. 😉

[IllGiveItAShot]

You don’t think that is too risky? Is 5 months enough time to ask that or should I be playing it extremely casual?? Also after a month and a but of zero interaction would it be weird if I just came out of the blue to ask her out for a little birthday lunch?

When we intially broke up she said she doesn’t know what the future holds and has no idea if we get back together. A month after I asked her what she thought and she said she doesn’t know and needed time. She’s not giving me any closure but I feel like she might be interested in someone else.

[AskApril Masini]

What are you risking? 😯

If you want to get back together, then ask her out. The worst that happens is that she says no. And if she does, you’ve got clarity — if not the result you wanted. As for it being weird, I don’t think it’s weird. I think it’s a nice, bold move. 😎

[IllGiveItAShot]

Ill give it a shot. Thank you! And you are right, the worst that could happen is that i get absolute closure.

[AskApril Masini]

Exactly. 🙂

[IllGiveItAShot]

So she agreed to me taking her out for lunch…

I have met for lunch with her once before and it was really casual, both of us definitely felt a little nervous and what hurt me the most was that we had lunch and then just didn’t talk for a long time, well, till now actually. I want this to be productive but don’t really know how to go about it. Any ideas?

[AskApril Masini]

When you say you want this lunch date to be productive — what, exactly, do you want the date to produce? Not sure I understand your question. However, if you want to get back together with her, then you should focus on flirting and showing her a good time so she wants more. 😎

[IllGiveItAShot]

I want us to start talking more often again and stop seeing each other once every month and a bit just for a casual lunch date. I want this to induce more contact i think is what i’m trying to say.

[AskApril Masini]

You’ve written that she broke up with you because there wasn’t enough quality time between the two of you — so make this lunch quality time. Make her want to date you! Bring her flowers. Chose a special restaurant. Compliment her. Flirt with her. If you want to see her more, then make this lunch date one that will leave her wanting more of you.

[IllGiveItAShot]

Hi! I posted on here a few months ago but things have definitely changed since. Long story short i got dumped by my long term (almost 2 years) girlfriend because she lost interest and wanted out. Our lives were getting in the way of our relationship and it got really hard to see each other. After about 2 months she sent me a message saying that her parents had brought me up one day and were wondering how i was doing and that she had been thinking about me for the past few days, This made me a little excited so i asked her to hangout which really just re-opened the wounds. After that i stopped contacting her and really just tried to work on myself. I wished her happy birthday a few months ago but that was it. Then out of the blue she messages me saying that she misses me again and just wanted to check up on me and how i’m doing. So i replayed expecting a little conversation but all she said was that’s awesome ____ hope all is well just checking in. This made me pretty angry. Why does she go zero contact for months and then out of the blue just checks up on me. It seems really selfish to me to be honest. How should i be going about this?

Thank you!

[AskApril Masini]

If it’s too painful to have contact with your ex, then don’t. Just don’t respond and if it helps you, you can block her from your social media so you’re not upset by her comments or presence. It doesn’t sound like she’s doing anything wrong, but it does seem that whenever she contacts you, you get your hopes up and when nothing materializes, you get angry. The best way to deal with that is zero contact and move on.

I hope that helps. 😉

[Sally]

The mixed signals aren’t signals to come back they’re comfort signals. Liking photos, friendly check-ins, saying she misses you… that keeps the connection warm without actually reopening the door. That’s why it’s keeping you stuck.

If you contact her again, keep it simple. A calm happy birthday text is fine. Don’t use it as a setup. See how she responds. Her energy will tell you everything.
If you do meet up, go in curious, not hopeful. No rehashing. No convincing.

Asking for a second chance is only worth it if you’re ready to accept a no without falling apart. Closure doesn’t come from her answer it comes from you deciding to stop living in maybe.

[Tara]

This relationship is over, and you’re clinging to social media crumbs because you don’t want to accept that she already moved on emotionally. Liking your photos isn’t interest, it’s politeness with zero commitment. Friendly check-ins, “I miss you,” and birthday gravity are not signals; they’re comfort behaviors that cost her nothing while keeping you emotionally available. She didn’t let you go because of scheduling; she let you go because the relationship didn’t meet her needs, and she chose peace over fixing it.

If she wanted a second chance, you wouldn’t be strategizing silence gaps and birthday messages like chess moves; she’d be sitting across from you already. Contacting her now will not reignite anything; it will only confirm that you’re still waiting.

Asking for a second chance won’t give you closure; it’ll give you rejection with a smile and reset your healing clock back to zero. The clean move is a simple, polite “happy birthday” with no invitation, no nostalgia, no pitch or better yet, nothing at all. Stop romanticizing access as opportunity. She’s not circling back; she’s orbiting out. The longer you pretend otherwise, the longer you stay stuck.

[Member]

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