[heartbroken1982]

All I can think of is him its driving me Mad! We was together over 2 years and broke up with me out the blue without any warning for

[Ask April Masini]

You keep saying that he isn’t over you, but clearly, it’s you, as well, who is not over him. I think that your ex-fiance was not able to handle your long term illness and he feels conflicted, guilty and sad about that. While he has feelings for you, clearly, he isn’t able to be strong for you. He isn’t able to call you or visit you when you have an operation or are sick. He can’t handle the tough times. And he knows it. That’s his lot in life to deal with.

But his feelings aren’t your problem. In fact, you’ve got plenty on your own plate, including your physical health and your emotional health and social life in getting over a big break up and moving on. Rather than focus on him, I would advise you to focus on yourself. Accepting rejection and being disappointed that things didn’t work out are very important. Until you process what happened and accept it — without judgment — you won’t be able to move on.

I know you’re searching for some part of him to be strong enough or love you enough to show up in every way, but he is just not that man. And I think you’re having trouble accepting that. Maybe you can think of him as someone who loved you, and who you loved, but who isn’t the man you were supposed to marry because he didn’t have the strength for that “in sickness and in health” part of marriage, let alone that “for better or for worse” part of marriage.

The gift you’re getting in this pain is that if you can see through it, you’ll know that when you start to date again, you need to look for a strong man — one who can and will weather the bumps in the road of life that hit everyone and every couple. Dating is a way of figuring out who’s right for you and who can be your Mr. Right. If you’re smart, you won’t waste your time on people who don’t fit the bill — even if they’re a lot of other things. I would advise you stop offering your ex lifts, texting him, and making yourself available to him.

Move on with your social life, without him. You don’t have to hate him — in fact, when you stop hating him and being mad, that’s when you’ll know you’re truly over him. There’s someone who’s right for you out there, and when you let go of Mr. Didn’t Work Out, you’ll be free to find Mr. Right.

[heartbroken1982]

Thank u for ur reply, im not over him i know im not, im not even at that hate stage yet, i havent hated him since he has left.

We have no contact, havent dont since we split, only talk when i randomly bump into him.

Yes i did text last week, stupid of me i know, but i didnt expect a reply and certainly not straight away !

I cant have much of a social life because of my health and im not working so im struggling with money, if i do go out its only once a week.

I need to get him out my head, i just dont know what to do.

[Ask April Masini]

I know it’s difficult to get over someone you loved enough to become engaged to, but you’re going to have to do it if you want some peace and happiness. The way to do it is to put your energy and focus elsewhere. You’re in a rut right now. If you can get out of the rut you won’t have the time on your hands to text your ex-fiance or think about him. This requires work on your part, but it’s worthwhile.

You’re going to have to change your behavior. Take a class in a different part of town. Go on a tour or join a volunteer group — again, in a different part of town or with very different people. Switch churches, switch your group of friends, switch the places your shop and have coffee. Get a pet! A really cute dog that requires you to walk him (in a different neighborhood where there are lots of single men) can be a great conversation piece and man magnet! Volunteer at a hospital, for a political group or some other agency where you can stay busy, meet other singles, and focus on a cause greater than yourself and your ex!

These are just a few ideas — you’re going to have to really work to change your ways and stay busy.

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