[soccergirl789]

Before I ask for help, let me tell you a little more about my situation.

So basically me and this guy were really close for a few years and he was happily married during. Then one day he told me that they were experiencing issues and probably getting a divorce. I was there for him as a friend throughout, we were best friends you could even say. We told each other everything and trusted each other with everything. About 8 months after he and his wife were having problems, me and him decided to try dating. Crazily, the transformation from friends to lovers was easy and instant and we were perfect together. He reassured me that he was over his past relationship and could never love his wife again after everything she put him through (divorce her idea). A few months ago, she revealed to him that she didn’t file for divorce and wanted to get back together with him. He broke up with me and said he needed to figure his life out; he said if I wasn’t in the picture, he’d probably just go back to her because it’d be easier and what his family hoped for (no one knew about our relationship). A few weeks later we were talking and he basically told me he’s going to go back to her. He said that if this is his second chance to fix his marriage he needed to try. He told me he feared that he might regret this decision and would never ask me to wait for him.. The problem is is that he is/was my best friend and he wants to continue talking everyday and being friends. I’m incredibly in love with him and I told him it’s just not possible for him to be in my life right now. It’s too hard. I need some advice on how to cope. We talk once in awhile and he’s so nice like nothing’s change (aside from the fact he doesn’t call me baby anymore, etc) and I told him to stop but he said he can’t be anything but nice to me because I did nothing wrong and that he hopes one day I’ll forgive him. He said that he hopes our connection can survive anything cause he doesn’t want to lose me. I come here for advice because my best friend is the only one that knows about the whole relationship but her advice isn’t very helpful being that she’s never been in a serious relationship. Help on how to cope please? Help on what I should do? thank you so much.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You should cut off all communication with him. Then you should heal your heart and learn some hard lessons from this experience so you evolve and have better dating experiences in the future.

Here are a few tips:

If he’s married, he’s married. When you date a man who’s married, you have to understand that he has a commitment to his wife, even if he tells you otherwise. When he told you that she never filed for divorce, he’s absolving himself of responsibility and blaming her. The reality is that he would know if she filed for divorce right away because he would have been served with legal papers that state her intention to dissolve the marriage. If he never received those papers, no legal divorce was started. And it’s pretty clear he didn’t make any move to divorce her at any time. I know this is disappointing, but the truth is where you’ll learn for next time.

Friends with people of the opposite sex don’t usually work because one person has more feelings than the other one; there’s sexual tension; and hearts can be broken. I think you’re experiencing this now.

It’s not a great idea to be best friends with a man who’s married to someone else. I mean, if you’re married and you and your husband are friends with he and his wife, and you do things together, that’s understandable and normal, but it’s not a good idea for you to befriend married men and expect them not to want to sleep with you.

So treat this like any other break up — and keep busy, take care of yourself, surround yourself with friends and family who are healthy and supportive, exercise, and get back out there when you’re ready — to find Mr. Right. Because he IS out there for you. 😉

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[soccergirl789]

It was her idea to file for divorce and she said she would handle it all. After they split, she even went to him for relationship advice on her current boyfriends and treated him ridiculously, blaming him for everything.. and yelling at him when they were still living together and he would do nice things for her.. like say cook dinner or do laundry. He told me he does blame himself for not following through with the divorce further, he says he should have been more involved that way he would have known. I feel like he’s doing this just because of his reputation that he so wants to uphold and because his family basically fell in love with her. He told me himself that he’d be completely fine living an “unhappy” life if it was what was easier for everyone around. I really feel like I not only lost the love of my life, but my best friend too and I don’t know where to draw the line. Right now I told him that what’s best for me is to not have him in my life and he told me that he respected that and hopes one day I can forgive him.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I know it’s hard, but it sounds like you have a good plan. Time heals all wounds, and yours is no exception. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[soccergirl789]

Hi April, it’s me again. So it’s been awhile since me and this guy have broken up and things have drastically changed. I’m not sobbing and crying every night and we actually talk pretty often as friends. However, things have gotten kind of strange. All of our conversations somehow get like jokingly sexual and we both know it’s odd but it works for us. I don’t make any contact with him but he seems to text me often and always say well if you get bored text me. Today, he even sent me a picture of himself out with his friends and I’m just confused as to what this may mean. Is he unhappy with his wife? Or does he still just enjoy my attention?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Here’s the advice I gave you, above, when you wrote me about this relationship in December. It’s good advice. I hope you’ll take it this time. 😉

[quote]
Friends with people of the opposite sex don’t usually work because one person has more feelings than the other one; there’s sexual tension; and hearts can be broken. I think you’re experiencing this now.

It’s not a great idea to be best friends with a man who’s married to someone else. I mean, if you’re married and you and your husband are friends with he and his wife, and you do things together, that’s understandable and normal, but it’s not a good idea for you to befriend married men and expect them not to want to sleep with you.

So treat this like any other break up — and keep busy, take care of yourself, surround yourself with friends and family who are healthy and supportive, exercise, and get back out there when you’re ready — to find Mr. Right. Because he IS out there for you.
[/quote]

[Member]

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