[dambrc]

Hello I am very upset over an issue that is very common but it has never personally happened to me before now. I am very hurt and I don’t know how exactly to cope with it. I was seeing this guy for about 6 weeks. It was really nothing too serious but I haven’t been in a relationship in years so I was very excited about it. The guy is only 21 (I’m 24) and we would just meet up once or twice a week at the bars. He liked to drink a lot, I am guessing because he is newly 21. He is kind of a nerdy country guy and that is what I liked about him because he was very polite, had a lot of manners, and was very nice and generous to me. It seemed like I was quite the catch for him, people at the bar would tell him how pretty they thought I was and he even introduced me to his brothers. I felt very special and like a relationship was started to bud. One morning he dropped me off at my place (yes, we were having sex…unfortunately) and then he just dropped off the face of the planet. He didn’t txt me all week. I began to realize that he was always the one contacting me and maybe he was hurt by the fact that I never would txt him. He would always be the first to initiate a conversation and invite me to do things. So I decided to pay him a little attention. I texted him after the weekend was over. I just asked how his weekend was and that I missed seeing him. He kind of just brushed it off and said “Yah for sure! Nothing exciting was happening this weekend.” He has not texted me since. I am very upset over this. I keep asking myself what I did wrong, why did he just stop liking me all of a sudden. I just really feel like garbage, this has never happened to me before. I know it’s silly to be so upset about someone I was seeing so briefly, but I really can’t help it. I can’t stop crying and analyzing what I did wrong. Does anyone have any advice for me as to what to do? I already deleted his number from my phone because I just wanted to free myself of all of this. It’s making me have horrible anxiety and I don’t understand why. Please any advice on why this happened and how to get over it would be greatly appreciated. I just want to feel better again.

[AskApril Masini]

Not everyone is going to be your cup of tea, and you’re not going to be everyone else’s cup of tea. Sometimes a guy won’t like you enough to keep dating you, and sometimes you won’t like him enough to keep dating him. It happens. That’s the way life goes — and frankly, I hope you’ll see rejection as a gift that steers you away from someone who isn’t Mr. Right, so you can be free to find someone who is.

It also sounds like you jumped the gun and got way too invested in someone you were just getting to know. I usually use the following rule of thumb for dating: During the first three months of dating, decide if you want to continue seeing that person — and know that he’s doing the same thing. After six months of dating, decide if you want to be monogamous or not. If you stick to those guidelines, you won’t be so hurt because you’ll know that the jury’s still out during the first six months, and especially during the first three months. KNOW that he’s figuring out if he wants to continue dating you or not during those first three months, and that way you can better prepare yourself, knowing that it may or may not work out.

I hope that helps, and that you’ll get back out there, knowing what you’ve now learned, so you can make your future dates productive and successful!

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