[amina_researcher]

I have liked a guy from my research group for several months, and I’m torn about what to do next. He’s flirted with me playfully a few times — once joking that we should date — but I thought he was teasing, and I replied I’d prefer someone more mature. He looked hurt but seemed okay afterwards.
Several people in our group have noticed his different behaviour toward me and told me they thought he was interested. Two weeks ago, his best friend pulled me aside and said the guy really likes me, that his actions speak louder than words, and that I should start something before graduation, when we might no longer see each other. The friend promised to encourage him, and I told the friend I was open.
When the friend told the guy, the guy seemed surprised and didn’t respond the way I hoped. A week later, the friend asked whether he’d asked me out; apparently, the guy replied he’s “not saying no but not saying yes.” The friend warned me that such ambivalence often means a polite refusal — that he might not want to hurt me by saying no.
Now everyone in the group knows I’m interested and that he might not be, and I feel embarrassed and exposed. I can’t tell whether he was genuinely interested and shy or if he was stringing me along for attention. I worry he might have been playing with my feelings to boost his ego. On the other hand, maybe he’s scared of commitment or waiting for me to make the first move.
What should I do? Should I tell him directly how I feel and risk awkwardness in the group, or step back and move on? Is it reasonable to expect clarity after these mixed signals? (Prefer anonymous replies, thanks.)

[KeishaMartin]

What you’re dealing with is classic ambivalence and overthinking, and the uncertainty is mostly his, not yours.
Recognize the signs Flirting without asking means he’s either interested but shy, or he’s enjoying the attention without wanting to commit. The fact that his response to your friend’s prompting was vague “not saying no but not saying yes” leans more toward hesitation than clarity. That’s his indecision, not your problem.
You deserve clarity Mixed signals are exhausting. You’ve been polite, playful, and even deferred to maturity in your initial reply. Now it’s reasonable to expect honest communication. Anything less leaves you exposed and anxious.
Directness is your ally You can approach him without drama:
Keep it simple and low-pressure.

Example: “I’ve noticed we flirt a bit, and I like spending time with you. I’d like to know if you feel the same otherwise, I don’t want to misread anything.”

This doesn’t demand commitment; it just asks for clarity.
Protect your dignity If he continues to hedge, that’s your cue to step back. Don’t chase attention or guesswork that only leaves you feeling vulnerable. Respect yourself enough to walk away from uncertainty.
Consider timing and context Since it’s a research group, keep it private. Don’t broadcast feelings to the group; that only complicates things. Approach him one-on-one, ideally somewhere neutral and comfortable.
If I were in your shoes, I’d go for direct but casual clarity. Life’s too short to be left guessing over someone who won’t commit to honesty. If you want, I can draft the exact words you could say to him brief, confident, and impossible to misinterpret so you can get clarity without embarrassment.
Do you want me to do that?

[James Smith]

This whole story reminds me of the time I liked a girl in my college debate club. I tried to be smooth and told her she argued so well, she could probably win a case against gravity itself. She laughed, said, “That’s cute,” and started dating a guy from the physics department two weeks later. Guess she took the gravity joke literally 😂.

Look, sometimes people flirt because they’re interested, and sometimes they do it because it’s safe attention. If he liked you, he had his chance when his friend told him. Staying quiet after that says a lot. Don’t chase mixed signals they’re just confusion in disguise.

If you told him how you feel and he still hesitates, could you really see yourself being happy with someone who’s unsure about you?

[AskApril Masini]

Nothing you’ve said here points to him “stringing you along,” being scared of commitment, or waiting for you to make the first move. But, the last thing you should be doing right now is pouring more energy into this situation.

I wonder what you mean by clarity, because, there’s no hidden meaning behind “not saying no but not saying yes.” At worst, it’s a no, exactly as his friend spelled out for you. At best, it means he’s unsure about you. And you need to ask yourself, is that really what you think you deserve?

I know you’re worried about the awkwardness in the group, but that’s just something you’re going to have to push through. If he or his friend brings it up again, shut it down. Tell them, clearly and firmly, that you’re not interested anymore. No extra explanations needed.

And stop obsessing over what everyone else might think. Nobody’s paying as much attention as you imagine. The best way to handle this is to act like it never happened. The more energy you give it, the worse it looks, and the more power you hand back to him.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babee, he liked the chase, not the catch 😮‍💨 if he wanted you, he’d make it clear. don’t beg for clarity!! silence is the answer. hold your head high and move on.❤️‍🔥

[Marcus king]

It sounds like you’re in a tricky situation with lots of mixed signals, which can leave anyone feeling unsure and vulnerable. Based on what you’ve shared, it seems like the guy might be unsure himself about how he feels or is possibly nervous about taking things further, especially with the added pressure of group dynamics and graduation looming. It’s also possible that he’s waiting for you to make a clearer move since it seems like he hasn’t taken a direct step himself.

Given that the situation has already created some awkwardness and you’re feeling exposed, it might help to get some clarity for your own peace of mind. Since you’re both part of the same group, I’d recommend having an honest, one-on-one conversation with him. You could approach it casually but directly, saying something like, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about our interactions and I’m curious where you stand. I really like you, but I also want to know if we’re on the same page, especially since I don’t want to feel awkward with everything going on in the group.” This opens the door for him to share his feelings without putting too much pressure on him.

While it’s completely reasonable to want clarity, it’s also important to keep in mind that no matter his response, you deserve to be with someone who is equally invested in you. If he’s still hesitant or unsure, you might want to take a step back and protect your own feelings. If he’s truly interested, he will appreciate your directness and might be able to express his feelings more openly.

Ultimately, you don’t want to feel stuck in ambiguity, so go for the conversation if you feel comfortable doing so. But if the response isn’t as clear or positive as you hope, then stepping back and moving on could be the healthiest choice for you.

[Serena Vale]

Hey girl, I totally get why you’re feeling torn. Honestly, from what you’ve shared, he’s probably just shy, unsure, or maybe not ready to put it out there yet, and honestly, that’s not on you. You’ve shown interest, been honest, and put it out there in your own way, so now the ball’s in his court.

If you really like him and want clarity (trust me, I’ve been there!), the best move is to keep it chill but still be straightforward. Send a text that’s light, honest, and low-pressure, something like: “Hey! I’ve realized I really like you 💛 and I’m curious how you feel too. Don’t want to make it awkward, but it’s better to be honest than keep guessing 🙂”

Then, step back. Don’t keep texting or trying to figure out every little thing he does. Trust me, I’ve been there too, the overthinking just makes it worse! If he’s into you, he’ll step up. If he’s not, then at least you’ll know, and you can move on and focus on someone who’s on the same page. 😊

[Member]

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