[Maria]

Dear April,

I’ve been exclusively dating “Jake” for five months, and everything feels wonderful when we are together. He is attentive, we have amazing chemistry, and he often talks about our future, saying things like how he’s so lucky he found me. He has introduced me to all of his close friends, and I truly feel like we are building something real. However, there’s one thing that’s making me question everything. I recently discovered that he still has his dating app profile active on the app where we first met. A friend saw it and sent me a screenshot, and it showed that he had updated his photos just last week.

When I confronted him about it, he was very casual and said he just forgets it’s there and sometimes scrolls through it out of boredom, like he does with Instagram. He insisted that he is not talking to or meeting anyone else and that I have nothing to worry about. He tried to reassure me that he is fully committed to me, but he still hasn’t deleted the app. This feels like a huge contradiction to his words. Am I overreacting to something that is just a bad habit, or is this a major red flag that he is not as committed as he claims to be?

Ask April Masini #1 most trusted relationship advice Forum

[Ask April Masini]

I always advice people to keep their options open for the first 6 months of dating. After which they can discuss exclusively dating. But, since he reaffirmed multiple times that he is exclusively dating you, we can address the elephant in the room.

If someone says that they are “exclusively” seeing you, their actions must back it up. Jake’s don’t. You don’t leave dating apps on your phone, and certainly don’t update profile photos if you’re serious about your partner. Dating apps are not Instagram, there is no reason to ‘just browse.’

It’s not so much what he says but what he does. Actions speak louder than words, and his say he’s leaving the door open.

You don’t need to threaten to leave, if deleting the apps out of respect for the relationship hasn’t occurred to him already, that tells you everything you need to know.

He doesn’t respect you, and odds are he isn’t being loyal, either. Don’t waste time trying to make a man something he’s already showing you he cannot be. Run, he is not who you want to date exclusively.

[Sally]

Yeah, no. This would totally mess with my head too.

Like, how can he say he’s fully committed but still update his profile *last week*? That’s not forgetting. That’s not boredom. That’s making a choice. You don’t go in and pick new pictures by accident.

And I get it. It feels real when you’re with him. That’s the part that keeps you stuck. He’s doing just enough to make you stay, but not enough to make you feel safe.

You’re not being extra. Wanting someone to delete the app when they’re with you is not some huge ask. It’s basic respect.

I don’t know what Jake’s doing, but I do know this— if he really meant all those sweet things, the app would already be gone.

[Maria]

Thank you, Sally. Everything you said truly resonated with me — it’s comforting to know I’m not overreacting for wanting basic respect. You’re right, updating a profile isn’t an accident, it’s a choice, and it does mess with your head when words and actions don’t match. I really appreciate your honesty and support, and I’m so grateful for April’s guidance too. Hearing both of your perspectives is helping me see things with a clearer heart and the strength to do what’s right for me.

[PassionSeeker]

“Sometimes people get complacent when things feel good they think they can coast. But love isn’t passive; it’s about choosing someone every day, even in small gestures. Keeping that app around might seem small to him, but to you it’s symbolic it says, ‘I’m all in.’
If he’s serious about you, this is an easy fix. He should want to protect your peace, not test it.”

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… “i just scroll for fun” is the modern version of “it didn’t mean anything” 🙄. no one updates their pics on a dating app for boredom. if he’s so “lucky he found you,” why’s he still window shopping? you’re not crazy for feeling off, your gut just caught him mid–half-truth. love shouldn’t come with a terms-and-conditions page. 💅📱

[Author]

Posts