[NinetJo]

I’ve been with my guy for 8 years we recently got engaged last May on my birthday. We just welcomed a lil boy about 7 weeks ago. He says he’s not ready to marry me despite having a child with me. He says in two years we will. Lately things have been really bad between us it seems like all we do is argue about the same things we argued 8 years ago. He’s been calling me out of my name calling me a stupid B**** And he constantly says its a good thing he didn’t marry me and he cannot stand me and hates being at home with me. Says he’s going to leave but hasn’t. We argue over the smallest things and he just burst and makes it more than it is. I don’t feel like I’m a priority in his life are the things we will argue about. He loves hanging out with his friends and going out while his newborn son and I are at home. We also have financial issues because he doesn’t have a stable job (he has his own gig but the income is not stable) But he loves to go out and spend the little that he does have. I’ve been the bread winner in this, sometimes I feel like he’s only with me because he has no where to go. I’ve been trying to work it out with him for the sake of our son because I do want him to have a stable home with both parents but I don’t think this is healthy for any of us. What should I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’ve been hanging onto hope for eight years, and now that hope is a tattered and frayed thread that’s about to break. 🙁 If it took 7 years for this guy to propose, and a pregnancy for him to actually ask you to get married, and now the baby is here, your relationship is at the 8 year mark, and there’s still no marriage, it’s pretty clear that your fiancé doesn’t want to get married. He’s calling you names, not saving for a future together and basically making life miserable because he wants out and doesn’t have the get up and go to find the door. 😕 It’s time for you to recognize that this guy doesn’t make things happen. He floats along and defaults. And….he drags you down because you stay. 😥 I know you’re saying that you want a stable home for your child, but I think you’re making excuses for yourself. You really know what to do, and you need me to push you towards the right direction. 😉

There’s no question about it, two good parents are much better for a child than one, but the reality is if your son grows up with his father cursing at you, and you condoning his not contributing financially to the family (or complaining about it) and the father not wanting to be with you, and possibly not with the child either, this isn’t a great scenario for any child. Your son’s father will always be his father, but that doesn’t mean your child won’t be better off with two parents in two different homes. Since you never married after eight years, I think it’s time for you to move on and try to make a stable home for the child. You’re going to have to be the one who sets a custody visitation schedule, and pays child support, since your boyfriend doesn’t really work and doesn’t seem directed in life, but you’re already supporting the family under one roof, so at least having a little control in your own life and some hope for a future that is sunny, not dark.

You have your work cut out for you, but I think that if you move on from this guy, you and your son will be better off than you are now.

I hope that helps.

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[NinetJo]

Thanks for your great advice 🙂 much needed I’m just really over it all

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome, and good luck!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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