[Winnie]

I have a boyfriend and a guy bestfriend. Both I’ve known for 4 years now. But my relationship just started several months ago. And I can’t help thinking if my bestfriend is the right guy instead. But he has a girlfriend, which started right after my relationship started. Is that a coincidence? Is it possible he got into a relationship just because I did? Not that I’m being self-absobed or something.
Although…I am more comfortable and having more fun with my bestfriend than my boyfriend, how is that? I’m scared that I’m just in the relationship for the “label”.

I have been thinking of leaving my boyfriend. But he is truly the nicest, most perfect guy I’ve ever met. He’s everything a mother could ask for in a son-in-law. But I’m afraid I would lose the moon while counting the stars.

I love my boyfriend. But I think I’m in love with my bestfriend. How? Help me please.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It always helps to know the ages of those involved when I’m giving advice, so if you do write again, let me know. 🙂 The second thing that’s great to know is what it is you’re looking for in terms of a relationship. If you’re a teenager and want to have fun, companionship and experience, that’s different that someone in their 20s, 30s or 40s, who is looking for a marriage and a family. So, know what you want in order to get it more easily. 😉 And tell me, too! 😀

In general, I always advise that men and women can’t be friends — and you’re seeing why first hand. Friends aren’t attracted to each other and they don’t want to date each other — because when they do, they aren’t honest with each other. Friendship is built on honesty, and what you have is a a guy you like who’s put you in the friend zone. And probably vice versa. 🙄 And your instincts are correct, it’s probably not a surprise that your “best friend” started dating shortly after you did, too, realizing that you were moving on.

Now, my advice is that you stop considering your “best friend” a best friend, and let that friendship situation go. It’s not real. Since you just started dating your boyfriend a few months ago, and you’re learning that you’re also interested in other men — specifically this other guy, it’s fair game to flirt and play the field.

I hope that helps. I know it’s a bit of a shake up from the way you thought things would go, but you need to get back on a good track.

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[Winnie]

So when you say ‘let the friendship situation go’, you meant that I should stop being friends with him? Or should I make a confession to him?

I’m 21 actually. By having fun, I meant I’m more of myself when I’m with my bestfriend rather than with my boyfriend. And isn’t that just…not right?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]So when you say ‘let the friendship situation go’, you meant that I should stop being friends with him? Or should I make a confession to him?[/quote]

When I said you should let the friendship go, I meant you should get the idea out of your head, that you’re friends at all with this guy. You aren’t. You have to stop thinking of him as a friend, because that’s not what he is to you. He’s a guy you want to date, not a friend. 😉

As for making a confession — no, no, no!! That’s a drama move, and it’s a lot better for you to simply stop acting like you’re his friend, and start flirting with him, to let him know you want to date him. 😎

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[Winnie]

Hmmm I don’t know. It feels wrong to do that while I’m with my boyfriend. And he also has his girlfriend. And they’re both friends with each other. It just feels wrong at so many levels.

I know it’s kind of no use to have this feeling but not doing anything to change the situation. Sometimes I feel like leaving both of them and just run away. But I know that won’t fix anything.

But I have more in common with my bestfriend than my boyfriend. In fact, even my boyfriend realizes our countless differences. We are like day and night. He likes what I hate and vice versa. Totally the opposite.
But with my bestfriend, I don’t even have to try. Our chemistry just comes naturally. And sometimes I hate that. Even with that feeling, I felt like I’m cheating.

I am so torn. I can’t stop thinking about it for weeks. Sorry to let it all out here. I just can’t keep it to myself anymore.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You don’t have to act on every feeling you have. 😉 Why not just do nothing for now? But do remember that this other guy is not your best friend. There’s not “chemistry” between best friends. And there’s honesty, between best friends. This is a guy you really like and want to date — and he’s got a girlfriend. Until you wrap your head around this different way of thinking about men, you’re going to be in this discomfort where you want something you can’t have because it doesn’t exist. 😉

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