[thao1]

I am currently in a tough situation right now. I was in a relationship for 3 1/2 years (on and off)and this friend of mine decided to kiss me one night ( my ex and i lived together but we were always on and off and i wasnt happy). Moving forward, this friend of mine was head over heels for me. and my feeling for him started growing ( i wasnt attractive to him at first at all, i know him for years already). I ended things with my ex for good after this past semester. I started seeing this friend of mine more. He lives about an hour away so we would take turn to see each other. I admitted it, i got needy and always make plan time to see him. We got into a couple arguement, he said he wanted to take a break and i said ” no, either you are with me or you are not”. About a month ago, i asked him about us what should we do. should make it official and he said what ever you want. so like that we became bf and gf. Thing got little weird, especially when we werent in the the same city. He doesnt talk as much as on the phone. One night on the phone i realized how quiet he got and i asked him. he said he wants me , likes me alot but he doesnt want a gf right now. This is right before he left for another country to 3 weeks”. But then the next day he acted all nice like nothing happened so i thought we were fine when he left for vn. But deep down i know it wasnt okay. He still called and talked to me alot when he was in vn. The last couple day when he was there i didnt hear from him so i got mad at him and hung up on him ( he never called me back). The day he came back, he was really short with him until he got home and saw that i left him a valentine present. He drove down to see me the same day.
Moving forward, i came down to see him this past weekend. He got me flowers and a gift card to sephora and everything was great. I saw a missed call and missed facetime from a girl name K and i asked him who is she and she said she is a friend. So i dropped it but deep down i wasnt okay with that answer. So tuesday morning i was on the phone with him and i said ” i have something to ask you, its kinda bother me and i dont want to explode on him when we get into a fight. ” why did K tried to facetime you?” He got super quiet and said really? In the end he said he doesnt know if he wants a gf right now. He doesnt want to answer to anyone right now. He feels like its becoming a chore to see me and that he has to see me every weekend. I asked him what does he want? he said he doesnt know. I was crushed cause i do like this guy a lot. So i told him” im not doing this. I refuse to be your side chick and you can just leave me alone from now on” It took a lot of courage because i do want to be with him but i need him to want to be with me also. I miss him a a lot but i am trying to be strong to move on. I blocked him from everything. Am i doing the right thing?
He was in a 9 years relationship (on and off) till december 2013. She left him and things were pretty bad.

A part of me want him back in my life but i dont want to get hurt. What should I do

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since this guy has been very clear with you that he’s not sure he wants a girlfriend, and you seem to want a monogamous commitment, I think you should accept that the two of you are incompatible in this very important regard. Rather than create drama because you’re staying with a guy who’s dating other women after he’s basically told you that’s what he wants to do, I think you’d be happier and healthier if you move on. Stay focused on what you want. 😉

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[thao1]

Do you think he is actually seeing that girl ?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think he’s interested in dating other women, and if it’s not this woman, it’s going to be others. When a guy tells you on more than one occasion that he doesn’t want a girlfriend, it’s because he wants to play the field.

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[thao1]

If it’s just him freaking and where I didn’t give him so much air I’m willing to promise with him and work through it. If it’s him waiting to date other people then I will walk away . Before I do that I want closure . I blocked his number this entire week and i do not know if he tried to contact me or not . Should I wait for him to contact me again and ask him or what should I do ?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think you are compatible in terms of your relationship goals. You want a monogamous relationship, and he doesn’t. He’s already told you on several occasions that he doesn’t want a girlfriend right now, and you’re trying to ignore that fact by making these deals in your head, like, “If I’m willing to promise to work with him….” He doesn’t want to work this through with you. Since you’ve blocked his number for a week, unblocking it, and telling him you want to now work on things, is just going to show him the kind of drama he doesn’t want. 🙁 You have closure. You just have to decide to accept it. It doesn’t always come in the form we want, but it’s usually there in some form.

I think you should move on and find someone who wants what you want. The dating process allows you to get to know people and decide if they’re right for you. Don’t try to lock someone in, or lock yourself in, before you do get to know them. It sells yourself short and won’t get you what you want. Be open minded, and really get to know guys before committing. 😉

I hope that helps!

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[thao1]

Thanks for advice . We both have each other stuff at our place . What should I do ?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Ask him when you can exchange things, and then do so.

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