[Sm93x]

Long story short. Worked with a guy for 6 months. Started speaking two months and he kept asking for a chance so I gave him a chance. Been seeing each other for a month now (from our first kiss). We’ve slept together. I’ve asked him ‘what we are,’ and he says well we’re together. He now has a new job and has moved away (1hr car journey). Now we haven’t spoken much for the last few days. He’s always saying he’s sleepy and I’ll then notice he’s still online 1/2hours later. There was an incident once when his phone started buzzing and he was very quick to make sure it was out of my eyeliner and went out of his way to make sure I couldn’t see what he was doing but he then has days when he lets me see? I never message him first because I know he’s busy so I wait for him to do it but lately something doesn’t seem right since we haven’t been speaking? & I don’t know what to do because I don’t know if we’re exclusive, if we’re just dating or in an actual relationship? I asked him a question as well which was in our situation what would be classed as cheating and his reply was if I ever fully got with some one which makes me think at the same time, he’s probably not being exclusive either. For example, I didn’t have a NYE kiss but he said that if it was just a kiss it wouldn’t annoy him – he’d just stop speaking to me. Even last night, he kept replying with a 10-15min gap, then said he’s sleepy and that was it. Not heard from him since. Now I know he’s at work at the moment but he is still online too? Its taken a lot for me to even get with him because my last relationship of 2 years ended with the guy cheating on me x4. Help/advice? Edit: we’ve slept together x3/4

[AskApril Masini]

I’m happy to help! 😀

First of all, you’ve only been dating this guy for two months, so at that point in any relationship, you should understand that you’re both playing the field. It’s too soon for a commitment under the best circumstances. Always use the first three months of dating someone to decide if you even want to continue dating them! If you both do, then use the second three months to decide if you want to be monogamous.

Next, understand that his behavior is that of someone who’s just not that into you. 😳 You can keep inquiring, or looking for clues that he wants to continue dating you — but the big neon sign on the wall is saying he’s not.

Since you have a history that has hurt you because someone cheated on you, it’s very important that you understand that the first six months of dating anyone do not necessarily mean you have a commitment, even if you’re sleeping together. It’s just too soon in the relationship and the dating field is just too competitive to lull yourself into a situation that isn’t true — and then to get hurt when you realize he’s still dating others. If you accept the 3/6 month dating tenet from the get go, you’re more likely to slow down and try to get to know him, and less likely to get hurt because you’ll be very realistic.

I hope that helps!

[Member]

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