[Anonymous]

I am in quite the dilemma. I am in a relationship with an amazing guy. Minus his sloppiness, he really is perfect. This is why I don’t understand why I’ve been doing what I’ve been doing.

I am a person that is very friendly and tends to be very flirtatious. I never realize (honestly) when I’m flirting until the other person pursues me. When I meet new people, I am always hesitant to say, “I have a boyfriend.” I don’t quite know why. I have a terrible addiction to the gratification of getting hit on and just simply getting attention. (This might be because I have recently lost weight and never really got much attention before now.)

Well, now that the summary is over, here is the dilemma. I went to a conference last weekend for my job and happened to meet a nice guy there. I didn’t think anything of it besides the fact that I had someone to talk to for the day. He apparently had other things in mind. He ended up finding me on facebook and sent me a message. I couldn’t help but respond. I am so addicted to the butterflies that I get from this flirtation. I never meant for it to progress past facebook messages, but now I have a date with him. I keep fantasizing about him, but losing my boyfriend for him wouldn’t be worth it.

I don’t know what this means. I plan to marry my current boyfriend and our relationship couldn’t be better. Why do I do these things? Am I not ready for commitment? Am I just a bad person? This isn’t the first time that this has happened. I’ve never cheated on my boyfriend, but I’ve had these close calls.

What should I do? I really need advice!!

Best,
Anonymous 20-something

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re not a bad person, but you’re definitely not ready to get married, and accepting a date with another man when you have a boyfriend that you intend to marry IS cheating!

There is NOTHING wrong with flirting, and there is nothing wrong with men asking you on dates or trying to pursue you sexually. But you have to understand that you are an adult at 20 who is responsible for your own behavior. If you accept these dates or make out with these guys, you’re playing the field. You can’t expect any guy to stick around in a monogamous relationship when you behave this way, so decide if you want to date around or stay with this one guy and be monogamous. If it’s the latter, all you have to do is control your behavior and be loyal to your boyfriend.

Doing that is pretty simple. It means not flirting in ways that will hurt your boyfriend and not dating other men if your boyfriend thinks you have a commitment.

I hope that helps.

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