[Matty]

Hi. I entered a wonderful relationship almost 2 years ago. Last year February my girlfriend walked out of the relationship bringing up minor issues almost excusea but mainly that she felt lost and wanted to go seek a new job and adventure abroad(Thailand) as their family business closed down and she was dependend on its income which she lived well off so we ended the relationship. I ended all contact. A month later she contacted me crying regretting everything she said and wanted back saying she was just in a bad space and im the best part of her and she wants nothing more than to settle with me and lives me more than anything. We resumed the relationship. In october her friends from thailand came for a visit and asked us to visit in Dec. (she goes every Dec) i said i cannot afford it this year i would like to save money now as we need to build our luves and we went abroad last year on her request. Next thing she said shes going so her and her other pals booked tickets so i ended the relationship..throughout the holiday she made contact calling me baby, saying how much she loves and misses me etc…yet she sent out her cv..3 weeks she got a job with a Thai friend and is leaving next week.i feel she chose all that above me and the so called love and commitment and finding it hard to deal with….

[AskApril Masini]

I’m sorry you’re hurt. Truly. 😳

It sounds like the relationship ended a year ago, when your girlfriend broke up with you and moved to Thailand. That she called you a month later crying and wanting to be back together probably had less to do with you than it did with her being lonely. Being single after a break up can be rough. However, you decided to get back together, but I’m guessing you held some resentment and so when she took a trip back to Thailand with friends, you broke up with her even though she’d invited you to go with. That seems like it might have been a little rash on your part. She didn’t ask you not to go, and it was your choice to focus on finances — which is probably a great decision, but it sounds like there was more to that break up than just her going after you said you wouldn’t be going. It may have stirred up history for you and you reacted to something other than what was in front of you. I don’t think you can blame her for sending out her resume and looking for a job after you broke up with her — even though she was trying to get back together. I don’t know how old you both are, but it sounds like she wanted both things — her life in Thailand and you. That you didn’t want to go to Thailand, isn’t a bad thing, but it is an incompatibility. I think you have to process this a little more and when you do, you won’t feel so badly about the break up. Right now, it sounds like you’re trying to blame her for the way you feel, and the truth is that you wanted a relationship that was here in the states and more conservative, and she was more interested in adventure even though she did care for you. People can love each other, but not be right for each other because of these types of incompatibilities, and this is often difficult to understand. Break ups over cheating or abuse are simple to rationalize. Break ups over these types of subtle incompatibilities are just as important, but harder to see because they’re nuanced.

I hope this helps. Let me know if you have any more questions.

[Matty]

Thank you very much and it does make sense. We are both 30 years of age. I told her to go ahead and do the holiday without me because I felt that she did not take my feelings into consideration and that staying here with me and our friends here was simply not important enough..I also feel that if you really love someone enough and want to be with the person the way you say you do you will not leave that way. You will not leave everything and everyone behind. Yes after our initial relationship she might have felt lonely but at the time she was constantly surrounded by parties and her friends who she is very close with..As she still is and she keeps herself very busy. Also it confuses me because at the same time as sending out her resume she kept messaging me calling me baby saying how she loves and misses me saying how she wants me to know she didnt throw our love and our “little family”(We have a little dog together) away. Which I feel she did exactly that although I do wish her happiness in what it is she wants to truly do. It’s just very questionable because in the beginning I did not even look at her twice She eventually caught my attention and fell madly in love with me and I fell in love with her too after a few days. She kept saying for months how she couldn’t believe how lucky she is to have someone like me etc. I really believed it and we even talked about marriage someday….Its hard to not find fault in oneself….That feeling that you must have failed and couldnt have been good enough..That your person chose something else instead..and might never come back to the dreams you had..

[Matty]

Last week she wanted to meet up with me for coffee to say goodbye to me and our dog( I was reluctant but agreed) She was still wearing our ring that we bought together over a year ago….She sent me a photo in December saying that she wears it everyday. I asked her why and said that I do not wear mine as it has meaning to me and she wants to leave so there is no point to anything and her answer was that she wants that piece of me close to her everyday….So she keeps sending these mixed signals..until I told her the day she told me she took the job that I”m out and giving up. Then she told me its my choice and she will have to respect that. Nothing as my choice in the very first place..I walked out of the relationship later because I could see she wasn’t taking my feelings into consideration even though I was giving my all and could see she wanted to go to Thailand sooner or later it had been a dream of hers.

[Matty]

I would also like to know if it will be the right thing for me to cut contact with her…at least for a while..? Even though I miss her dearly everyday

[AskApril Masini]

She sounds like a very passionate and capricious person. She loves quickly and she lives and jumps into life quickly. I don’t agree that her taking the vacation with friends meant she didn’t care about you, although I do understand that you are disappointed that she didn’t stay home with you — she just didn’t see the things the same way you did, and by telling her it was okay with you if she went, you were complicit in that decision. I know you probably think that she should have thought the same way you did, but she’s different than you are, and doesn’t think the same way you do. She’s not wrong; you’re not wrong; you’re both different from each other. If you had told her that you didn’t want her to go and why, it might have been different, and that’s a place where you can learn and do things differently next time, if you choose to. It really sounds like she’s there for you if you want to compromise between your lifestyle and hers — but that the two of you share love, but not lifestyles, and that’s the breaking point. Knowing that, you get to decide if you want to move on or not. If you do, then no contact is going to help you get over the relationship. If you are still holding out hope that the two of you can make a go of this, then you should stay in touch and really think about what you want. 😉

[Lune David]

This one really hits, because it’s not about cheating or drama — it’s about timing, lifestyle, and mixed signals messing with your head. Loving someone who keeps one foot in your life and one foot on a plane to Thailand is emotional whiplash. Calling you “baby,” wearing the ring, talking about your little family… while also packing her bags? That’s confusing for anyone, not weakness on your part. Sometimes love is real,
but priorities don’t line up, and that hurts more than a clean break. Honestly, cutting contact for a while sounds less like giving up and more like self-respect. Even AskApril would agree: you can miss someone deeply and still choose peace over constant mixed signals. Spicy truth — love shouldn’t feel like you’re competing with a boarding pass.

[Sally]

What hurts isn’t just that she’s leaving. It’s that this pattern keeps repeating. When life gets hard or uncertain, she runs toward escape and adventure, then comes back when the dust settles and the fear hits. That doesn’t mean she didn’t love you. It means she doesn’t know how to build a stable life with someone yet.

You’re right to feel like she chose something else over you, because in a real way, she did. Not another person but a lifestyle where she doesn’t have to commit, compromise, or slow down. Calling you baby while sending out her CV was her wanting comfort without choosing you.

That’s the part you’re grieving. Not just her, but the future you thought you were building together.
You didn’t fail here. You just wanted roots, and she still wants wings. That mismatch hurts like hell, but it’s not something love alone fixes.
Let yourself be sad. Just don’t let this convince you that asking for stability was wrong. It wasn’t.

[Member]

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