[outforfun]

I met a guy online about 7 weeks ago. We chatted for 3 weeks and decided to meet up. In the 3 weeks of chatting he would text me daily and we would talk on the phone a few times a week. He was really interested in me and we had great conversations. I was super happy with where it was going. I asked him what he was looking for in a relationship and he said something serious eventually and I said the same.

Once we decided to meet up, it was decided that I would drive to see him. It is 2.5 hrs away which doesn’t bother me. I went there on a Friday night and both of us were pleased with what we saw and had a nice dinner. When we went to go watch a movie things got hot and heavy and it lead to sex. Broke rule number 1. Needless to say, this lead to an all night thing and in the morning I had to take off early for other plans. I heard from him later that night via text.

That Monday he text me and told me he had a great time and wondered when he could see me again. I offered to come to him since I would be in his area that following Saturday. It was a date. I showed up and we had sex and then we decided to head out to get dinner and go out. We went out and it was a great time. Really were enjoying eachother and the next morning I had to leave extra early for other plans. Once again, I heard from him and we chatted all the following week off and on as I was in Vegas for work so it was hard to have a lot of conversation but we talked like normal. I offered to make plans with him for this 3rd date and I would go see him again. We had a 3rd date planned.

I showed up at his house and he asked if I wanted to go meet his parents. I was a little shocked as I didn’t think that would happen this soon but I wasn’t opposed to the idea. He took me over to meet his parents which i was shy and nervous and I know the conversation was dull. After that we had dinner and went out and back to his place. When we got to his place he asked me why i was so shy and i just said i was nervous and that i was also reserved to the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve and don’t want to get hurt. He said “i like you”. I replied I like you too. The following morning he asked if I wanted to go out and meet his best friends for breakfast. I said sure. Got there and i was again shy and nervous so probably didn’t give off the best first impression which made me nervous. I stayed at his place until late that night and when i was leaving he was saying how much he had a great time.

*just a fyi, he still checks his eharm page and he also looks at mine.

Now this is where things have started to fall through… I found out on date 3 that he had been engaged a month prior to talking to me. He was with this girl who he also met online for 3 years and he told me that things werent going good so he called it off at the end of April. We started talking in June. This had me concerned and he told me that it was over a while back and he is ready to move on and is over her. So last week (4th of July week) was supposed to be the week he was going to get married. His family was still flying in since the tickets were bought and his friends were still coming to town. I figured this last week would be busy for him and thought nothing of it. Monday we had a normal phone conversation and Tuesday we text a few times and I just let him do his thing. I never reached out to him and figured he would text me. Wednesday (4th) He text me about 7 pm justing wishing me a good 4th and i was busy so didn’t respond. Thursday I tried calling him and he emailed me saying he was with family. Friday (wedding day) I left him alone and he text me that night saying he “wanted me”. I responded with “I want you too”. He went on saying how I should come see him and I said I could do that Sunday. I tried calling him but he didn’t pick up. Saturday came and he text me in the morning which I was busy and didn’t respond then later in the day he text me saying how he was sorry that he has been distant because of family and friends in town. I responded that it was fine and I knew he was busy and he said I hope to see you Sunday if you’re in my area. I told him I would call him.

Next morning came and I called him told him I would be in his area and he said come over. I showed up and we went out on his motorcycle and to his parents place again. We had sex and went back to his place. His best friends (family of 4) are currently moving in to his house for a month bc they are selling their house. It has been busy for him and them moving. Well when we get back to his place they ask him to help move things which i say is fine and let him go and he comes back in an hour and then we all sit down and have dinner. After that he’s like “let’s go chill in my room”. We go there and have sex again and just talk like we normally do. All is good.

Now, he says something so weird. He asks “so did you make out with any guys this weekend?” It caught me off gaurd because I know he never asked me to be his girlfriend or be exclusive by all means but where did this come from? I said “no, should I of?” and he’s like “well you can make out with girls if you want”. I was just shocked and said that was a weird question but then he just changed subject. I was traveling this coming weekend (13th and 14th) and would be in his area again. So i initiated this next date and said that I would be such and such place do you want to come visit me. He said yeah Saturday works because Friday I have something going on. I was like oh, what you got going on? He said he had to go to a baseball game with a friend. I was like ok Saturday it is. I hung out a bit more and then left for home.

Monday came and this was the FIRST day out of the last 6 weeks that I never heard from him. Not like him at all. I tried calling him but no answer and he never sent a text saying he was busy. He wouldn’t do this before. I kinda brushed it off but really bothered me. On tuesday I was curious to see the baseball game schedule and I looked and there isn’t a baseball game. He lied or is covering something up. So now I am sick to my stomach. I text him and asked him if he could talk that night and he said sure. Well that night (Tuesday) we decided to iChat. We were talking and it was a great conversation as usual and i asked him if he saw he had a missed call from me last night. He said yes but was busy helping his friend move some more things. Said sorry didn’t want to bother you later when i was available. I said ok. During the conversation i brought up this saturday and our plans. Then i said “since it’s been 4 weeks and you haven’t come to see me would you like to next weekend?” He said he had a wedding but could possibly skip it. But never gave an answer. We did a little more chatting and talked for a total 1.5 hours and then called it a night. I was happy and at the end he gave me a virtual kiss.

I brushed off Monday and how he didn’t call me and then last week with all that he had going on with his nonwedding and then last night (Wednesday) I didn’t hear from him again. NOTHING. This time I didn’t try calling or texting him. This is 2 times in one week that I didn’t hear from him. It’s really weird to me that in the last 2 weeks he’s been distant because of family and friends, stopped texting and calling me as much, and then this week 2 days of no interaction. I tend to make excuses and think well he’s probably busy but it’s not hard to have a 10 min conversation or drop a 30 sec text message to let someone know you’re thinking about them. He was really good about this at first. Now why has it stopped? Then to find out that there isn’t a baseball game on Friday which he says he’s going to. My heart in sinking…

As a follow up for all this detail, I’d really like to get your opinion on the whole thing…

Why do you think he’s lying about the baseball game? I believe he has another date. Not that he can’t date as we are not exclusive at all. The fact that we have seen eachother every weekend for the last 4 and have such a great time and i’ve meet his family and friends and still would go out with another girl?

Why is he not calling or texting me any more? Is it because he’s got other girls taking up his time or is it because now he has his best friends living with him and keeping him busy? Maybe he thinks that we don’t need to talk as much since we are 4 weeks in but that’s not what I want.

Am I just a weekend booty call?

What can I do to clear the air without being forward and scaring him off? If I am over reacting because he honestly busy? I want to be straight with him and tell him that I don’t want to date around. I want to be in a relationship and not see other people. It’s not what I want. Then again, what if I am over reacting and nothing is wrong on his side? How can i bring this up?

I’m losing sleep and concentration over this and it’s really bothering me. Please let me know your advice so I can move on or just stop freaking out.

Thanks,

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’ve broken a lot of dating rules and now you’re wondering why he’s not that interested. 😕 The reason I advise women not to chase men is because it lets them know how interested the man is. When you chase him, which you did, you don’t know if he’d actually come to your home, pick you up, take you out, etc. Men really do want a challenge and they do love the chase and winning someone over. You took that opportunity away from him — and you denied yourself the ability to see how he really felt.

When you sleep with someone on the first date, you send them a message that you’re okay to have sex with them without knowing them. Again, this isn’t the message a guy wants from someone he’s interested in a committed relationship with. Men have sex because they can, and you signaled to him from the get go, that you were willing and available. He didn’t have to get to know you or chase you — and you weren’t interested in getting to know him before having sex. You gave him the green light.

Getting to know someone before getting committed — emotionally and physically — is important, especially when you meet online where you know he’s been meeting other women, and you have been meeting other men. You slept with him and got invested in him BEFORE you learned you were a possible rebound from his broken engagement only months prior. If you’d figured this out before by getting to know him first, you might not have rushed into this relationship, and you might have even decided you didn’t want to risk dating someone who could be rebounding.

Now, he’s dating other people — and you’re upset because you’re invested in him. 😳 But really, you should understand that it takes about three months before men and women decide if they want to continue dating each other. During those three months it’s actually a good idea to date the field, or at least be open to it.

He didn’t lead you on….. sadly, you lead yourself on.

My advice is to date other people and decide if there’s someone better for you or not, and/or know that you’re going to have to compete for him if you want to keep dating him. Read [i]Think & Date LIke A Man[/i], a book I wrote for women who want to win the dating game. It will help you. Here’s the link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

Let me know how things go and if you need more advice on this one!

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