[RAIDERETTECHICA]

Good afternoon!

I’ve been seeing this gentleman for a little over a month now. He & I clicked right away when we met. He’s completely different then what I’m usually attracted to, & I like that. He’s an artist & so am I but never met an artist so normal & yet unqiue lol. He’s also a tattoo artist which is something I’m typically not attracted to because many have bad reputations. He’s very down to earth, makes me feel good inside & out & always makes me laugh. I want to think I do the same for him. We have been on many incredible dates & get along so well together. But he is older, I’m 26 & he’s 39 but looks nothing like his age. He also has 2 children from a previous marriage which he has been divorced for 6 years. One of the those married at 18 marriages so it wasn’t good. Which left a bad taste in his mouth for relationships. He’s very honest about that & that’s good to know on my side, because he wants to make things more serious, but then in another breath says he wants to take things slow.

I completely agree with him & respect his choice. With me (not to sound full of myself) I’ve always to a degree been able to have whom ever I wanted right away. And with him, he wants to take things slow. I’ve never done that before & I like it… but at the same time I don’t want to loose him to another woman. Now he has told me he only dates one person at a time & I do the same thing. I guess it’s a respect thing.

I really want to this “dating” to more serious, but I don’t to scare him off by saying that right away & don’t want to loose my chance. I also know I over analzye everything in my life & I don’t want to do that with this relationship. He has told me he’s never dated anyone younger then 30 & loves my maturity so I want to keep it that way lol. He always texts me these little messages through the day like I miss you or I’m thinking about you, which makes me want even more to tell him how I feel. How do I approach him without coming off pushy or needy? Also how can I help him get over what his ex-wife did to him emotionally? He said he trust women, but I guess she talked down to him & I don’t do that, but I know how it feels. I want him to know he’s safe with me & I would never do that to him or anyone else. Thanks for any advice!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]How do I approach him without coming off pushy or needy? [/quote]

Good question! If you want a serious relationship, use the dating process to decide if you’re compatible. I know you’re interested in him, and he’s got some very charming qualities, but make sure that you figure out, before getting too involved, that he’s already someone who’s going to be compatible with your goals and desires. If you find you’re getting needy already, after only a month of dating, you’re probably sensing that he’s not interested in a long term relationship and you’re wanting to convince him or extract some promise from him that he is. Mistake. Big one. It’s important for you to know what you want and go after it — that’s maturity. If you try to “bend” him into someone he’s not, you’re going to be needy. 😕

[quote]Also how can I help him get over what his ex-wife did to him emotionally? [/quote]

Don’t go there. He’s a grown up, and it’s probably wrong to assume he didn’t play a part in whatever dynamic happened between he and his ex-wife. If you’re really going to have a relationship with him, you’ll end up being a step-mother, and it’s important that you have a good relationship with his ex-wife in order to co-parent the children. So don’t get assume he needs help getting over “his ex-wife having talked down to him” 🙄 and instead, watch carefully to find out more about whether this is someone you want to continue dating. 😉

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, or if you have other questions. And please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[RAIDERETTECHICA]

I’ve been seeing this guy for little over a month now, and I recently spoke to you before April & you were AWESOME with advice. But recently some new stuff has happened. I did see him last Wednesday night and spent the night. I brought over dinner & he was very surprised by that. We had a wonderful evening, very relaxing. Then Thursday morning I went to leave & remember I left my paints there. He & I are both artist. So I said oh I got to get my paints & brushes. He said “No no, leave em here. Remember I’m going to teach you how to paint flowers.” Later Thursday afternoon he started texting me like he use to before the whole “I need space” thing came up. He was asking me how my day was & so forth. He even mentioned that his daughter said hi to me, which was a big deal seeing how I only met her one other time & she loved me. I told him if she wants to go shopping with me Saturday & he said she would love that except she wasn’t feeling good, but thank you anyway for the invite. I said no problem & went on with my day. Saturday came & went, barely any texting between us. So when Sunday afternoon came rolling around, I decided I’d give him a call since we rarely talk on the phone. He answered & we talked for about 4 mins. Orginally Thursday he said he wanted to do dinner Monday or Tuesday of this week, but yesterday he said he wasn’t feeling good & he thought he might have caught whatever Chloe (his daughter had). I said “Oh well don’t worry hun. We can do dinner next week. I completely understand.” And he responded “No no, I want to see you this week definitely.” And I said well just let me know.

I want to further a relationship with this guy, & I think he does too. I want to think he’s just taking this very slow & maybe thought we rushed things when we first met by always texting you’re on my mind & so forth. Now my question is, should I just stop texting him because I’m usually the one who does all the texting & instead have him text me? I don’t want him to think I’m not interested anymore. I did ask him about us becoming exclusive & he said yes in due time & I know he’s not seeing anyone else. I just want him to miss me like I miss him & text me instead of me being the one who chases him. How can you get a guy to chase you? And how do I ask him when we will see each other or should I not mention it at all this week & see what happens instead? I want to text him so badly right now & say I can’t wait to see you this week, but I know that would be pushing

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your brain is fighting with your ego. 😕 You know that you shouldn’t be texting and asking him about being exclusive and pushing for a commitment of any kind — but you want him to behave differently. Instead of[i] talking[/i] him into behaving differently, you have to give him a reason to behave differently by using your feminine wiles, and while you may think this is old fashioned advice, it works. Take some time off from texting him and being the one to pursue him in any way, and use that time to figure out how you can be more seductive. You need to learn to tease him into wanting you, which means not necessarily giving yourself every time he snaps his fingers. Otherwise, why should he chase you? He needs to think he’s going to lose you to someone else because you’re that amazing.

So stop asking him when, why, where, etc. And start flirting with him, big time. And don’t be so available! Make him think you have an incredible life — because you do! (hint: if you don’t, get one NOW! 😆 )

I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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