[sarapricelli]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. We met my freshman year of college and have been dating since. We attend the same school. We are in a long distance relationship. (Outside of school we live 3 hours from each other, so we do not see each other much during the summer.) This is his last year of school before he graduates and starts grad school somewhere else. The first year and a half of our relationship was great. We were both happy and in love. We don’t talk on the phone like most couples do. We video chat every once in a while over summer break when we are away from school and text occasionally. When we were at school together we usually didn’t go any more than 2 days without texting each other and we would hang out every other day or so.

I used to party a lot when we first started dating and he was more serious about his school work. This year we have kind of switched places. While I still go out and have fun, I have been focusing on my grades a lot more. This school year all he seems to want to do is go out and have fun and hang out with his friends and drink. While I love that he is going out and having fun with his friends for once it kind of hurts that he doesn’t seem to want to hang out with me as much anymore. We only text a few times a week now and its very briefly (maybe four messages per conversation.) we do not see each other very often and when we do it is very briefly. Not leaving very much time to talk or cuddle or anything. Our sex life is still good, that hasn’t changed.

The middle of October this year I started having second thoughts about our relationship. I don’t know if I changed or the relationship did but I wasn’t happy. I felt like he seemed distant, we weren’t talking or hanging out nearly as much as we used to. I assumed it was because this is his last year in college before he moves on to graduate school and he wants to enjoy it. So assuming that…one night when I had been drinking a lot and was upset, I told him I wanted a break. When he asked me why I told him I felt like I was holding him back, and that I felt like he felt forced to hang out with me and stay in because of me. Also I had more experience with other people then he did. I was the first girl he had ever dated and had sex with. He seemed a little upset about me telling him I wanted a break but he agreed to it. We made a rule that either person could do anything they wanted as long as they didn’t have sex.

❓ The break lasted about a month and I was miserable, I missed him so much. I hated the idea of him hooking up with other people but I felt like he needed to get it out of his system. Half way through the month we talked about getting back together and we told each other everything that we did. He told me he had hooked up with one of his girl friends when he was drunk and got oral from her. I was upset but pretended not to care because I told him I wanted him to go out and have fun. We had a week left before the break was over so I decided I was going to cut all stings with him. No communication and see how I felt about getting back together. During the week I went out and had fun and made out with one of my guy friends because I was so upset about my boyfriend hooking up with his friend. After the week we talked about what we did again. I told him I made out with a friend and he was mad and he told me he lied about hooking up with his friend to see how I would react. I was really mad and wouldn’t talk to him. After about two weeks later we talked about he told me it was actually true and he was sorry for lying and that he knew I was hurt when he told me he hooked up with his friend. He told me he hooked up with another one of his girl friends as well. Meanwhile I told him I still only kissed one of my guy friends and that I couldn’t hook up with anyone else but him, I tried but I couldn’t bring myself to it. He told me he loved me and hated being on a break and we talked and eventually worked things out and got back together.

We are much better than we were after the break but we still aren’t great. Ever since the break I have been thinking about everything that happened when we were on a break and I get really upset. I love the kid there is no doubt about that, he means so much to me but it hurts that he could hook up with other people. And I know the girls and see them on a regular basis. We still don’t talk or hang out as much as we used to either and I feel like our relationship isn’t getting better. I don’t know what to do I want to fix things so bad. Any Advice?H

[AskApril Masini]

You made a couple of mistakes: First of all, when you break up — you break up. It’s not conditional. You can’t impose rules on a break up like you’ll tell each other who you had sex with during the break up. That isn’t a break up. That’s called torture. 😕 And you can see the results aren’t very pleasant. Second of all, if you have a break up and then get back together, you can’t tell each other who you had sex with or who you dated during the break up. It just leaves bad feelings.

So…. since you broke these rules, but still want to get back together, you have to find a way not to bring up what happened during the break ups. I know this is hard, but this is the only way you can move forward. Accept the fact that you made these mistakes and that if you want to get back together, you both have to let go of any break up behavior you did on your own, and decide to move forward together. It will take a little while to get over these feelings, but you can do it.

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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