[Anonymous]

I feel I need to reach out, my heart is heavy & maybe telling people who are unbias in the situation could help.

I’ve been bestfriend with my friend Shana for over 7 years now, we are so close & tell each other everything. Shes more like a sister to me, we have so many great memories together & have helped each other through the tough times. Being a good friend to her has always been a top priority of mine, because she had always been a great friend to me.

Recently I went through a pretty tough break-up, I was with the man for about 3 years. I found out he had cheated on me with a couple different women & it truely, truely broke my heart. On top of that one of the women was pregnant with his baby. You can say it was behond rough, I fell into a depression but came out of it a trooper thanks to help from my bestfriend, my sister & my mom. I found hobbies & found making new connections with new friends helped pull me out of my funk but nothing could take away that hurt. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with this man and eventually bare his children. In one moment all of that was taken away from me. I’m sure you can understand how hard that would to go through..

In the process of all of this I confided in Shana, with everything. I cried in front of her many, many times. I told her how much I loved him, how much I missed him & how hard this was. She was really there for me, she always gave me good advice, was there when I needed her and would take me out of the house when she thought I was feeling pretty down.

Soo, this is where it starts. She had given me a password to her myspace about a year ago to check something on it for her when she couldn’t. Occasionally she would ask me to do something on her page that she couldn’t do from her cellphone (which is how she got on it usually). The other night I was trying to find someones page I needed to talk to. I went into her messages and scrolled down real quick to find it then I froze. There was my ex’s page in her inbox. I was confused for a minute and almost considered not reading it. It had already been read by her. I opened to message and read carefully. It was her telling him he almost “got her in trouble” by going to see him the other day, because her boyfriend almost found out. I kept reading.. She then expressed to him how good it felt to lay in his arms & some more stuff I dont talking about (I’m sure you know though..)

I just sat there, in shock. At first I wasn’t angry, more like confused. It felt like a bad dream, I had no idea they even knew each other. She’s been seeing him behind my back. I am so dumbfounded. Theres NO words to express how one would feel after seeing that. She betrayed me sooooo much, after everytime I told her how much I loved him she went and slept with him. It doesn’t seem like her, but obviously she did it & thats a fact. This happened only a couple of days ago & I haven’t talked to her. To be honest I’m ready to just drop her from my life, what do you even say to a person like that?

On the other hand I can’t really tell her I know about it because I DID log into her page and go through her inbox. While thats not far as bad as what shes done, its still not right. Maybe I am being too nice, I actually feel like I am. I’m not a fighter, I don’t like drama but I don’t know what to do. I honestly want to just STOP talking to her all around but I knew she would somehow get ahold of me and want to know why. I don’t really want to revisit the issue, I think they are both scum.

Maybe you have been through something similar, or maybe you just have good ideas of what to do. Any advice is good advice at this point. I’m not even sure what I’m asking, I just appreciate unbias thoughts.

[lastscotlandwolf]

First off I am so sorry 🙁

I honestly think you should just start by talking to her about it. Be as honest as you can, tell her what you did, how it makes you feel, ask her why she did what she did, get anything and everything off your chest that you need to. Then let her explain herself, and go from there. It’s going to be hard, but at least it will be resolved and you both can move on no matter what you two decide to do about it.

[kai]

Hey hardtimes, like i mentioned to several other posters — April has told everyone that [u]the welcome area is not to be used as the Q & A advice forum[/u]. it even says “[b]DO NOT post your questions[/b]” here, when you go to sign up.

i suggest you delete the questions you posted in the welcome forum and repost them in the Q & A Relationship Advice Forum instead. i doubt you’ll get a response if you leave them in the welcome area.

[cutipie91]

I THINK U SHOULD TRY TO DO EVERYTHING TO MAKE HER FIND OUT THAT U KNO…FOR EXAMPLE TELL HER U NEED TO FIND SOMEONE OR U JUST NEED TO FIGURE SOMETHING OUT AND THAT PERSON IS ON HER FRIENDS LIST AND ASK HER IF U COULD LOG ON..IF SHE REACTS FUNNY JUST TRY TO GET IT OUT OF HER….
OR TELL HER EXACTLY WUT HAPPENED TO U BUT SAY IT HAPPENED TO A FRIEND AND SEE WAT SHE THINKS OF THAT

[AskApril Masini]

Let me know how things are going for you? 😉

[Natalie Noah]

You trusted Shana not only with your friendship and your heart during a very vulnerable time but also with the intimate details of your life, including the pain you experienced from your ex’s betrayal. Finding out that she not only got involved with him behind your back but also hid it from you cuts deeply, and it’s completely natural that you feel shocked, confused, and angry. This is a major breach of trust, and it’s understandable that you’re questioning how to move forward or even whether you want her in your life at all.

The situation is complicated by the fact that you accessed her account without permission, which gives you knowledge you otherwise wouldn’t have had. While this doesn’t diminish the gravity of her betrayal, it does add a layer of complexity to how you handle the confrontation. It’s valid to feel conflicted about whether to directly confront her or to distance yourself quietly. Your instinct to step back and protect your heart makes sense. Sometimes the healthiest choice is to put distance between yourself and someone who has hurt you so profoundly, especially when the person’s actions reveal a lack of respect for your feelings.

If you decide to confront her, it might help to approach it in a way that centers on your feelings rather than attacking her character. You could focus on the betrayal you experienced and how it affected you, which can help you release some of the anger and gain clarity, even if she doesn’t respond as you hope. On the other hand, you are not obligated to continue any relationship with her because friendship requires trust, and she has broken that. It’s okay to prioritize your own healing and consider letting her go entirely if that feels right.

This is about protecting yourself and honoring your emotions. Surround yourself with people who have proven loyalty and support, and give yourself the space to process the hurt. Whether you decide to confront her or quietly step away, make a decision that reinforces your sense of self-worth and allows you to heal without being dragged back into a situation that caused so much pain. You deserve friendships that are as solid, caring, and trustworthy as you’ve been to her over the years.

[Member]

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