[moba18]

I am currently 19 years old and am at college. I have never had a girlfriend in high school since most of the girls I knew were just friends and I was somewhat nerdy, not caring much about having a girlfriend.

Lately, though, I have been hanging out a lot with a certain girl in college and I think there is potential for more than friendship between us. Besides just talking in class, it’s probably been a month or two since we started joking and when it felt like there was some chemistry. We have 4 classes together, were in a group in one of the classes, and so far besides hanging out quite a bit doing homework or just talking with homework as the excuse, (sometimes just us two, sometimes other friends there too) we have also gone bike riding twice to a local neighborhood pond area. The first time we just sat on benches and talked for two hours or so, and the second time it was a picnic and we ate near the pond. I never said anything about them being dates, so I’m not sure what her opinion is. We kind of flirt a bit, I compliment her a lot and she does the same, although lots of the time we are both very joking as we tend to joke with one another a lot.

The two of us and another guy friend talked yesterday, playing a game where we asked each other questions and had to answer truthfully, and she mentioned how all of the previous guys she’s dated never lasted more than 4 months since she is very busy and they ended up not thinking she put enough time into the relationship. However, she said she wasn’t against dating, just that guys have to realize she won’t be with them 24/7 and they need to realize that. I wouldn’t try to change that, I realize she has lots of prior commitments and we have hung out a bunch already even though we’re not going out.

I do like her and I think she likes me back at least some based on the way she acts and jokes around with me, sometimes giving light hits if I make a joking insult or something. However, I have seen her hug guy friends before and she will hit other guys too sometimes if they do the same thing so I’m not sure what to get from it all.

My main question is at what pace to go at? Some of my friends say I should just ask her out, while others say I should keep going at the current pace of doing things like the bike ride and picnics. I just don’t know if they’re considered dates if I don’t call them ones, and if not, should I then ask her to go to dinner or movie and specifically call it a date?

I consider myself a nice guy, so I hate reading all the articles on how nice guys finish last. I don’t call her every day, although we see each other all the time in classes and it’s not awkward, we sit next to each other in a few of them and act normal and joke around too though. I just am not sure what message it sends that we are in class and studying with others a lot while I want to make sure I’m not in the friend zone, even though more often than not we’re around others or doing stuff like homework that isn’t a date or anything, but something friends normally would do together. I would like to eventually ask her out assuming things keep going well, but on the other hand I don’t want to feel like I’m rushing anything by asking her out too soon, since I would like a real relationship not just a girl to call my girlfriend and mess around with.

[Ask April Masini]

This girl sounds great, and it sounds like she likes you — and you sound like you’ve done everything right, so pause for the applause! 😆

Don’t worry about semantics — calling a bike ride together ” a date” or not doesn’t take away from the fact that the two of you spent time together. In fact, since things seem to be going so well by [i]not[/i] using the “d” word, when you do ask her to dinner or to see a movie, you don’t have to label the evening for her. Your actions will do that for you, gracefully enough.

She probably likes you because you only call her every couple of days — I know you hate the “nice guy” talk, but the reality is (here it is anyway 😛 ) women covet and respect men who aren’t clingy and desperate. You sound like whether you’ve done it intentionally or not, you’re playing this just right. By not calling her every day, you’re giving yourself some mystique and making yourself a confident young man, not one who’s got low self esteem and needs continual reassurance. You’ve also made yourself compatible to her not wanting a 24/7 boyfriend, but someone who can understand her independence — and have his own, too!

That said, it is time to dial up your game, and take this relationship gradually to the next level — based on all the positive cues she’s given you. Invite her to a movie or for a pizza after studying — just the two of you. You can offer to cook her dinner or take her to a party. While none of these outings, on their own, scream “date”, you can continue to define your relationship with her by touching her back when she walks through a door, opening that door for her, brining her some flowers, reaching for her hand and holding it, and when the time is right, kissing her.

She’ll know by your character that you want a relationship and not just a hook up or a casual date — so just keep on the same track you’re already on — you’re doing great. Let me know how things go! 🙂

[Author]

Posts