[manipulator]

Hi all, So here’s my story. Man I am struggling with this.

3 months ago I ran into a friend from high school, got her number and we started hanging out. We very quickly got closer and eventually I told her that I was getting feelings for her, she said she did not want any kind of relationship right now, her boyfriend of 2 years broke up with her and she’s had it very rough. Which was fine of course, so we were just going to be friends. Yet from this point on we continued getting closer and SHE’S been the one initiating most of the intimacy between us. She doesn’t seem to know what she wants. One minute she wants to be close, the next she wants to push me away. She started sleeping over sometimes and twice we came very close to having sex. The first time she left at the last minute saying I came on a bit too strongly and wasn’t intimate enough, which was true, I was very nervous. The second time we were very cuddly in bed but I didn’t make a move. I’m quite inexperienced for my age (I’m 24) and I have no confidence after the first time. She left. We had this huge argument which ended with her saying She gave me so many chances to make a move but I didn’t. She’s attracted to me and has feelings for me, but I’m so shy towards her in that way that nothing could ever happen. Now she doesn’t want to be anything more than friends. It’s not the first time we’ve tried toning things down, this makes for the 4th time, twice I suggested it, and this is the second time she has. But every time we just couldn’t stay away from each other long.

It got to the point where I only felt happy when I was with her. Now that we’ve gone back to this just friends thing I have been really struggling. I miss her staying over, I miss holding her in my arms, I miss he being the first thing I see when I wake up. She literally made her New Years Resolution to not get a boyfriend this year. This girl is my dream girl and I think I’ve missed my only chance with her. She’s absolutely stunning, funny, smart, and we get along almost too well. I can’t stop thinking about her. We were still seeing each other, usually around 4 times this week and we message every day, She would hang out with other guy friends occasionally and when she did I couldn’t stop worrying that something would happen between them. Pathetic right? She can do what she wants. One night she hung out with this guy for a movie night and didn’t return my messages until 3am. I almost had a breakdown while she wasn’t replying. What am I going to do if she actually does get with someone else? I think I might implode. My brain wants to just cut her off because she’s causing me so much pain, but my heart tells me that I should never give up on this girl, no matter what. I care about her so bloody much. But I’m worried about the toll it’s taking on me emotionally. Part of me wishes I never met her.

Last week I called her and we spoke for a long time. I told her once again about how I felt, and even told her I was falling in love with her. I then said that we need to stop hanging out so much, and messaging ect. I said I needed a break from her because I was falling in too deep. We didn’t talk for 3-4 days, and wow. I didn’t know it was possible to miss someone so much. She then messaged me to tell me she had an interview at a new job, and that they were very impressed with her resume. She told me because I had helped her write the resume. I called her and we chatted for a long time. She ended the call with a sarcastic, “Well, guess I’ll talk to you in a month or something.” We haven’t spoken since then which was 3 days ago. It’s not getting any easier. I feel like she’s the one for me. I seriously think about her all the time. i thought this would make things better for me but it’s not, I just want to call her and see her. Sorry I’m just ranting. I feel lost and don’t know what to do.

[AskApril Masini]

The first piece of advice I can give you is to understand that men and women can’t be friends. 😕 One person always wants more at one point, and the relationship is not an honest one — and it’s not a real friendship. 🙁 I’m sure you can probably see that now. The way you are with her, is not how you are with your true friends. Men and women find themselves in this murky friend zone for different reasons, but when they are there, it’s usually because they’re trying to leverage it into romance, which is what you’re doing. 😉 So the two things you have to do are to take yourself out of the friend zone, and be a guy who wants to date her, and does!

I hope that helps!

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