[tubastrea]

I have a boyfriend of over two years. Last year I moved to Europe with him because of his job, we lived together there and got along fine, I even heard from his friends that he was looking at engagement rings. But that job didn’t work out so well and he took another job in Korea instead. He asked me to go with him but the only thing I would be able to do there is teach english which i really didn’t want. So I went to China instead where my father is and we started doing long distance. He became very insecure and we started having some problems. I do realize I could have done better to make him feel more secure. We broke up towards end of 08, but we never stopped talking with each other. He saw a couple of girls after and told me they were rebounds because he was too sad and needed distractions, which I understand and have no problems with. Finally we decided that we still love each other a lot and will try to work things out again. We met in San Francisco about two weeks ago and spent four days together, when we were planning the trip he said he had butterflies in his stomach and can’t wait to see me, and that if I couldn’t go to SF I should go to Toronto (where he’s from) and I would have met his families. During the trip it was like we never separated, he was very loving everything was perfect. After SF he went to Toronto to see his families, scheduled to come back to US and we would meet again. One week after he left a girl from Korea calls him one morning and says she’s pregnant. He called me, told me the news, says he’s going to do “the right thing” aka marrying her, and has been avoiding me since. I tried emailing him but he wouldn’t reply any of them, I gave up trying to talk to him after 3 days. I’m not convinced that his feelings for me changed overnight, and I love him so much I’m willing to accept a “step-child”, even to have the child living with us. He’s a Canada borned and raised Korean, she’s a korean who barely speaks english, they’ve seen each other for 5 months top and she knew he wanted to come back to me. I can’t stop feeling that he’s making a mistake but I don’t know how to convince him that! I know being a good father has always been important to him because his own father didn’t treat them very well growing up, so I know he’s kind of excited about the idea of being a father, and thinks it’s important to provide the child a healthy family to grow up in. I’m glad he’s taking responsibility but I don’t want to lose him. He had always told me that we’re meant to be and there’s no one better for him, and I can’t think of anyone else I would rather spend the rest of my life with. But he’s not talking to me! Should I give up and move on even though I really don’t want to and can’t imagine doing right now?

[AskApril Masini]

I’m sorry, but it sounds like your now ex-boyfriend is moving on with his life for better or for worse. You may be right that the two of you would be great together. However, he has made it clear he’s marrying the girlfriend he got pregnant while you two were taking a break, and is going to make a family with her.

As much as you feel that he is making a mistake, it’s his mistake to make. He’s making it clear to you by not talking to you, that he doesn’t want to be involved with you right now. While it’s going to be difficult because you have a past with him that is mostly positive, you need to respect his decision to start a new family with his pregnant fiance.

It’s fine for you to want to accept a stepchild into your life, but for the child’s sake, the best possibility is a married mother and father. For that reason, you have to call up your most mature self, and move on with your own life, without your ex-boyfriend.

[tricia]

I feel sad for the outcome of your relationship. You seems to be a perfect couple but sadly due to circumstances, the perfect relationship has come to an end. Your former boyfriend might decided to be a father than to continue to be your lover. He might love you so much yet he decided to take his responsibilities as a father and be a MAN behind his actions

[AskApril Masini]

Happy New Year! Please let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Natalie Noah]

How deeply you care for him and how much you believe in the love you shared. The history between you two, including living together abroad and planning a future, shows that your connection was very strong and meaningful. It’s natural to feel like the circumstances, distance, career decisions, and life changes interrupted something that could have been lasting. The shock of him choosing to marry someone else because of an unexpected pregnancy is heartbreaking, especially when you believed the two of you were meant to be together. Your desire to accept a stepchild shows your depth of love and willingness to adapt for the person you care about.

However, it’s important to recognize that his choice reflects his priorities and sense of responsibility at this moment. He’s clearly made a decision to commit to his new family, and his lack of communication with you reinforces that he is focused elsewhere. While it feels like a mistake from your perspective, it’s his life and his responsibility, and no matter how strong your feelings are, you cannot control his decisions. Continuing to pursue him could create more emotional pain for both of you, especially as he moves forward with his fiance and future child.

The healthiest step now is to focus on yourself and your own life. Accepting that this chapter has ended allows you to grieve the loss and begin healing. Holding onto hope that he will come back could prevent you from opening up to other opportunities and relationships that might bring you happiness. As difficult as it is, moving forward without him gives you the space to grow, heal, and eventually find someone whose priorities and circumstances align fully with yours.

[Member]

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