[carac]

I went out to a new local bar for the first time last weekend. I am single and generally have a difficult time meeting sincere,nice guys at bars or clubs.
I met this guy at this bar last sat night. He asked me about what I was drinking. We started having a conversation, and ended up hanging out together the rest of the night. We seemed to have a lot in common, and he seemed to be a really nice guy. He was cute, respectful, and dressed nicely. We really seemed to hit it off. What was different about this guy from most guys I meet was he was very honest. TOO honest.

At the end of the night, it seemed like he wanted to kiss me. So he said to me,”I have to tell you something”. By this point, we both had quite a few drinks. He proceeded to tell me he had oral herpes, which basically for those who don’t know what it is, it is cold sores usually on the lips or in the mouth. Now I know I’ve read that about 90% of people have it, and don’t realize what it is. But, I have never had it. He said one of his ex girlfriends had passed it to him because he never had it before. He said he wanted to tell me because he didn’t know if I would get it if he kissed me. This kind of freaked me out because what guy would tell a girl UP FRONT he had this knowing she might not kiss him afterwards. By the look on his face, I could tell it really bothered him. So being the idiot I am, I ended the night and left without giving him my number. Before he told me that, I really was impressed with him and was attracted to him.

Since that night, I have thought about him every day, and feel bad about how I reacted. It is hard to find an honest, good person these days, and I feel like I let a nice guy go.

My question is….should I go back to the same place this weekend, hoping I might see him there again? Or should I just forget about it and move on? A guy I work with used to play cards with him, and he told me he seems like a nice quiet guy, which is the type I like.

Help….please!
Thanks.

[cateyes9178]

You should try to get in touch with him. In reality about 85-90% of us all have the herpes simplex virus and probably dont even know it. In fact the chicken pox is a herpes virus, so if you had chicken pox as a kid you have a form of herpes already, even though it may not be active. check the cdc.gov website and aad.org for fact based info and stats. He probably had good intentions but poor delivery. 🙂 Once you know the facts you will feel better.

[carac]

Thank you for your response…and the health information. Since that day, I have learned more about it. I realize I may have been exposed already, and just haven’t displayed any symptoms.
I don’t know how to get in touch with him…but hopefully will run into him someday!

Thanks again!

[joe2424]

Hi Carac,

I’m kind of new here, but I found your post very interesting, and I wanted to throw my two cents in. You’re having trouble finding a “nice guy” in a night club? Well, isn’t that kind of looking for a needle in a haystack? There are good guys that may head out to a club for an evening with friends, but the typical guy is looking for two things. Beer, and a wife for the night! Would a good guy be drunk, and trying to score with you the first night you met? But, at least he did the right thing and told you about his problem. You’re post is over a month old, so hopefully by now you’ve already tried to contact him.

[tricia]

That seems to be a love at first site. May be you’re just infatuated on him for you to think every minute about him. You have to go back on that place for you to see him again. You will never know until you try it. Who knows, that man might be your destiny.

[AskApril Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

I am here to help, and happy to answer any questions you have. 😀

[Natalie Noah]

I feel a lot of empathy for your situation because it’s a mix of excitement, fear, and hesitation all rolled into one. Meeting someone who genuinely clicks with you is rare, and your attraction and admiration for him were very real. But the moment he disclosed something personal and potentially concerning oral herpes you were naturally taken aback. That reaction doesn’t make you shallow or unfair; it’s a natural human response to unexpected news, especially in a moment where emotions are heightened by alcohol and the intensity of the connection. You acted based on the information and feelings you had at that moment.

What stands out, though, is his honesty. He could have chosen not to tell you, but he did. That speaks volumes about his character. He respected you enough to be upfront, even at the risk of being rejected. That kind of integrity is rare and meaningful, and it’s understandable why you’ve thought about him every day since. It shows that you recognize the value in someone who is trustworthy and sincere, and it’s completely normal to feel regret about leaving without exchanging contact information.

My advice is to gently take action rather than dwell in uncertainty. If you feel strongly about him, it’s worth making an effort to reconnect, whether that’s going back to the bar or trying to reach him through mutual connections, like your coworker. Life rarely gives us second chances with people who genuinely match our values, so taking a small, thoughtful step to see him again is reasonable. At the same time, balance your hope with realistic expectations. He may or may not be there but either outcome will give you closure and a sense of agency, which is far better than endlessly wondering “what if.”

[Member]

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