[birdsong342]

Hi.. I’m new here and feel as though I need some advice into what to do in my current relationship.

I have been dating a guy for about a year now and I understand that his priority is for the most part his job and I’m fine with that for the most part. I understand people need to work for a living and I’m glad he does.. but it’s pretty much a 7 day a week job and I don’t get to see him as often as I would like. I try to be patient with this, but it’s been stressing me out a little bit.

But my real problem is he has recently said that he loved me and I feel the same way, and I wasn’t really expecting that to change anything that much… but I haven’t seen him outside of his work place in over a month and he recently said to me that the first day he gets off he’s going to come see me and spend time with me. And I recently discovered that he has taken the entire week off.. did not tell me and will most likely not try to do anything with me.
I’m not saying that something didn’t happen, maybe something with a family member or friend, but he hasn’t said anything back to me after I tried to get in touch with him.

So in my mind I have been lied to and I’m so sick of not being able to see him and I have always thought that if you love someone you’d want to spend time with them and I don’t think he really cares or tries and I understand that he works 10 hour days almost everyday but I need attention too.
I have expressed my feelings to him and he seems to care, but this recent crap (for lack of a better word) makes me think other wise.

I’m going to speak with him about it as soon as I can (face to face of course), but I’m just wondering what others think I should do?

[bearbear]

i think you should end it or at least threaten to. if he really cares he’ll step up at that point. if he lied about something there is obvioulsy something he doesnt want you to know. you are in a relationship and you love each other so he would have told you something important. i mean, you should definately talk to him first and see what he has to say and if he has some legit reason, and your gut tells you its legit than maybe its okay. but if he doesnt try and make time to see you after that, or he lies again then it will definately just get worse from that point on and you should find someone better.

[Ask April Masini]

Either this guy is a workaholic, and he’s giving you a very clear picture of what life with him will be like in the future, or he’s not as interested in you as he once was, which is why he didn’t try to see you on his one week off of work. I can tell that you’re disappointed that he doesn’t want to spend more time with you, but trying to get someone to be something they’re not will only lead to more disappointment. It’s much better for you to accept him as he truly is and decide if he’s right for you. Some women get along really well with workaholic men. But this may not be you.

It’s also probably disappointing because you’ve invested a year with this man, and things aren’t going the way you thought they would. Remember that if this isn’t Mr. Right, then a year is a short time compared to a decade of being with the wrong guy. Time is relative.

Most importantly is that you be honest with yourself. Is this someone you want to pursue a future with? If you’re not sure, then have a talk with him, and find out what’s going on. If he tells you, then you’ll have a better idea of his life and you’ll either feel closer to him for having talked, or more disappointed because he’s just not that into you. If he doesn’t tell you what’s going on, or denies something’s going on, then you’ve got the same options. You can believe that he’s disappointing as a partner or that he’s just not that into you and is being deceptive about something he doesn’t want you to know about.

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