[birdsong342]

Hi.. I’m new here and feel as though I need some advice into what to do in my current relationship.

I have been dating a guy for about a year now and I understand that his priority is for the most part his job and I’m fine with that for the most part. I understand people need to work for a living and I’m glad he does.. but it’s pretty much a 7 day a week job and I don’t get to see him as often as I would like. I try to be patient with this, but it’s been stressing me out a little bit.

But my real problem is he has recently said that he loved me and I feel the same way, and I wasn’t really expecting that to change anything that much… but I haven’t seen him outside of his work place in over a month and he recently said to me that the first day he gets off he’s going to come see me and spend time with me. And I recently discovered that he has taken the entire week off.. did not tell me and will most likely not try to do anything with me.
I’m not saying that something didn’t happen, maybe something with a family member or friend, but he hasn’t said anything back to me after I tried to get in touch with him.

So in my mind I have been lied to and I’m so sick of not being able to see him and I have always thought that if you love someone you’d want to spend time with them and I don’t think he really cares or tries and I understand that he works 10 hour days almost everyday but I need attention too.
I have expressed my feelings to him and he seems to care, but this recent crap (for lack of a better word) makes me think other wise.

I’m going to speak with him about it as soon as I can (face to face of course), but I’m just wondering what others think I should do?

[bearbear]

i think you should end it or at least threaten to. if he really cares he’ll step up at that point. if he lied about something there is obvioulsy something he doesnt want you to know. you are in a relationship and you love each other so he would have told you something important. i mean, you should definately talk to him first and see what he has to say and if he has some legit reason, and your gut tells you its legit than maybe its okay. but if he doesnt try and make time to see you after that, or he lies again then it will definately just get worse from that point on and you should find someone better.

[Clara]

Either this guy is a workaholic, and he’s giving you a very clear picture of what life with him will be like in the future, or he’s not as interested in you as he once was, which is why he didn’t try to see you on his one week off of work. I can tell that you’re disappointed that he doesn’t want to spend more time with you, but trying to get someone to be something they’re not will only lead to more disappointment. It’s much better for you to accept him as he truly is and decide if he’s right for you. Some women get along really well with workaholic men. But this may not be you.

It’s also probably disappointing because you’ve invested a year with this man, and things aren’t going the way you thought they would. Remember that if this isn’t Mr. Right, then a year is a short time compared to a decade of being with the wrong guy. Time is relative.

Most importantly is that you be honest with yourself. Is this someone you want to pursue a future with? If you’re not sure, then have a talk with him, and find out what’s going on. If he tells you, then you’ll have a better idea of his life and you’ll either feel closer to him for having talked, or more disappointed because he’s just not that into you. If he doesn’t tell you what’s going on, or denies something’s going on, then you’ve got the same options. You can believe that he’s disappointing as a partner or that he’s just not that into you and is being deceptive about something he doesn’t want you to know about.

[Ethan Morales]

First, your feelings are valid. You’ve been patient and understanding about his work schedule, but being ignored or feeling like he’s hiding his time off hurts especially when he’s expressed love for you. Love isn’t just about words; it’s about effort and presence.

There are a few possibilities here: He’s genuinely a workaholic. If he’s used to prioritizing work over everything else, this may be how his life is structured, and it might not change much in the future. Some people are fine with that, some aren’t. He’s less invested than he says. If he intentionally didn’t tell you about his time off or avoids spending it with you, it may indicate a lack of commitment or interest in the level of connection you want. There’s something else going on. Family issues, personal matters, or even avoidance either way, not communicating about it is a problem.

What matters most: You need honesty and clarity. Speaking face-to-face, like you planned, is the right move. Approach it calmly, not accusatorily. Share how his actions made you feel, ask directly about his week off, and see whether his explanation aligns with the effort he’s willing to invest in the relationship.

You cannot change him. You can only decide if you’re okay with the way he is and how he treats you. If his lifestyle or priorities don’t match your needs for attention and connection, it’s better to acknowledge that now rather than investing more time and emotional energy.

[Natalie Noah]

Sweetheart, I can hear how hurt and confused you feel, and honestly, you’re not wrong for feeling that way. When someone says they love you, it’s natural to expect effort, connection, and at least a desire to spend time together. Love shouldn’t feel like you’re begging for crumbs of attention. The fact that he took an entire week off and didn’t tell you after saying the first day he’s free he’ll come see you would make anyone feel lied to, pushed aside, or unimportant. Whether his silence is because something serious happened or because he’s avoiding you, the impact on you is the same: you’re left in the dark, waiting, hurting, and that’s not how a loving partner treats someone they care about.

The hard truth is that people show you their priorities by their actions, not their words. A man who truly wants to see you will find time even if it’s small amounts, even if he’s tired, even if his schedule is chaotic. Work can absolutely take up space in a person’s life, but disappearing, withholding information, and choosing not to spend his rare free time with you? That signals either emotional distance, fading interest, or someone who isn’t ready or willing to show up for you in the way you deserve. You’re not asking for too much; you’re asking for the bare minimum of connection from someone who claims to love you.

Talking to him face-to-face is the right next step, but go into it with open eyes about what you’re seeing not just what you’re hoping for. Ask yourself honestly: Is this the relationship I want long-term? Can you thrive with a partner who might always put you last? Because you deserve someone who doesn’t make you question your worth, someone whose words match their actions, someone who actually wants to be present. Whatever you decide, let the truth not fear of losing him guide you. You deserve love that chooses you back.

[Member]

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