[raulchindris]

There’s this girl at work, I liked her from the moment I met her. She barely spoke with anyone at the beginning but in time she got used to us and she started saying she moved from another city just to get away from her husband who cheated on her. She now is filing for divorce and is waiting for the paperwork from what I understand, but last Friday when we spoke she said that her husband will come today to visit her. She said that she’ll try and listen to everything he has to say so she won’t regret anything later down the line. It sounds like she may have second thoughts…In the meantime I’ve been going out of my way just to be as supportive and fun for her so she can at least smile at work. We text everyday and I even stay overtime just to talk to her at work until she was also done. We went out once and we got along good, and in between all of these we hug and I kiss her on the cheek or forehead. But now that she said her husband is coming to visit I just feel the need to hurry things up a bit and at least tell her that I really like her (if she doesn’t know already) and I am willing to wait for her to get through all of this and be there for her. I don’t need a straight up answer from her, it would be too much, but at least I want her to know my feelings and from that moment things will be back to normal, I will do all of those nice things I did for her and still want to take her out and be there for her..just that from now at least she’ll know that I’m also doing it because I want to be more for her. Why do you thing, should I tell her or wait to see what they talked?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think you should tell her your feelings. I know you’re anxious that she’s meeting with her husband and you don’t want to lose your advantage, so you think that telling her your feelings will put your chip on the board and give her something to look forward to, but the reality is that she’s in the process of a divorce and it’s much better for her (and for you) if she decides to divorce her husband and goes through with it because of what happened between the two of them. You see, if she divorces him because of you — and the two of you have a fight or things start to go sour in a relationship you may have with her, she’ll look back to him as a saving grace because she’ll think she left him for you. But if she left him on her own and divorced him on her own, she’s going to start dating you, when she does, because she’s single, free and wants to be with you!

So hang tight — you’re interested in a married woman who is trying to get divorced. Let her. Don’t interfere. And when she is you’ll feel much better about the two of you. I hope that helps! 🙂

[Sally]

When you really like someone, waiting feels awful.
But here’s the honest part. She’s not free yet. Even if the divorce is happening, her emotions are still tangled up with him. The fact that she wants to hear him out tells you she’s still sorting things in her own head. If you step in with a big confession right now, it might add pressure she doesn’t need and could push her away without meaning to.
What you’re already doing matters. You’re kind. You’re steady. You make her feel safe and seen. That’s not nothing.
I’d hold off on saying I really like you for now. Let her get through this visit first. If she chooses to move forward with her life, she’ll notice who stayed calm and respectful during the mess.
Sometimes patience is the loudest signal.

[Tara]

You’re not being supportive you’re being a placeholder while she decides whether to go back to her husband. And right now, you’re losing.
She is not emotionally available. She is still married, still entangled, still entertaining her husband enough to invite him back and “hear him out.” That alone should have shut this whole fantasy down. People ready for something new don’t reopen doors they claim burned them.

Everything you’re doing staying late, daily texting, hugs, forehead kisses, playing emotional therapist is you auditioning for a role she never offered. You’ve made yourself safe, convenient, and non-threatening. Translation: zero urgency, zero sexual tension, zero leverage. You’re the emotional support animal while she sorts out her real relationship.

And this “I’ll tell her I like her but don’t need an answer” idea? That’s weak. That’s you trying to relieve your anxiety, not move anything forward. Confessing feelings while promising to wait forever just tells her she can keep you on standby without consequence. Women don’t respect men who volunteer to be paused.

If you tell her now, while her husband is actively in the picture, you don’t look brave you look desperate and poorly timed. You become background noise compared to the man who already has history, legality, and emotional gravity with her.

Here’s the part you won’t like: if she wanted you, you wouldn’t be guessing. She would be moving toward you, not triangulating you with her husband. Right now, she’s deciding between closure and reconciliation, and you’re just the comforting distraction at work.

[Member]

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