[Cloud]

Hi, When it comes to love I always end up in a very tight situation.. My current problem is I meet this awesome girl who I think has all the qualities I dreamed a girl should have.. The problem is she has a boyfriend.. and that fellow is my friend.

The story is that I and my friend meet this girl at the same time, and we all started hanging out together but suddenly in a very short time both of them started dating.. So I Decided not to interfere between them and continued as a friend.. But from the beginning I can clearly see that she likes me (not sure which way) Even when we (all our friends) hangout, she always stays with me and asks me like “Come on lets do that, lets do this”.. She also talks for hours in the phone sometimes, She keeps asking me if I will do love marriage or arranged marriage. and a lot of stuff like that..

[u]About her[/u]: well in a very short time I learned a lot about her, She is cute, smart and awesome and I have decided she is the one. nothing more to say.

[u]About my friend[/u]: To be frank he had a lot of girlfriends in the past and all of them are Sh*t! he dosnt look good, he dont have a job and no hope he can get one in the future (She mentioned this with me in the phone)..

[u]About me[/u]: To be frank and Iam not Boosting about myself.. Iam good looking and talented.. Just completed my education and hopefully will get a job in a couple of months.. I had few girlfriends in the past and according to them if I loved someone she would feel like the luckiest person ever..

I wanna keep her forever, It may be love or best friends forever, it doesn’t matter( at least for now). But Iam afraid if I tell her how I feel, our Friendship might be a risk… Please help, non is giving me the right answer or solution..

Great regards,
RJ 😥 …

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like you didn’t make your intentions to date this woman, clear, so she went with the other guy. 😳 Just because a woman likes you doesn’t mean you’re going to be a match. You have to actually[i] ask her out on a date[/i] — not just hang out. Women want to know you want them to be your girlfriend, and if you’re interested in that, which clearly you are, then you have to make your intentions clear with [i]actions.[/i] Although you’ve painted a not very nice picture of you buddy, you’re not being objective. If he’s such a bad guy, then why does he have YOU as a friend, and her as a girlfriend? 😕 There’s obviously something about him that draws good people to him.

Action is appealing. Charisma is appealing. A guy who goes after the girl he wants is sexy and attractive, and….. nice guys finish last. Consider all that. 😉

So rather than stick with your stereotypes of you, your buddy and this girl, do yourself a big favor and start looking at things realistically. You can probably learn a lot from him about dating and women.

As for what to do next….you can’t have everything! So you need to prioritize. Either you respect the fact that he’s dating the woman you want — and stop talking to her privately and stop bad mouthing him or encouraging her to badmouth him. Or else, you decide to go for it full steam ahead, and you pursue her while either being up front with your buddy or not.

I hope that clarifies things for you, so you can make a decision. Let me know how things go. And please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Cloud]

That was really awesome. thanks for the reply… Sorry for mentioning my friend that way I could never badmouth any of my good friends, I was just trying to point the negative points for why he doesn’t deserve her (maybe being a little selfish 😳 but all of them r true) Anyways there comes my main problem 🙁 , that I don’t wanna hurt anyone my buddy nor her…! I have no issues on her dating anyone before we get together 😉 .. and I can’t hurt my friend and make me look like a thief…! 😐 What if in the end, she says no! ❓ … I would lose my friend and her..

I went out with her a couple of times but I think she did not take it for a date.. Whatever I did or said she took all of them with a smile.. I was giving her a lot of clues that I like her, and I think she is too. One day she told me that she will do love marriage but only if their parents agree, In this situation my buddy can never convince her parents due to a lot of reasons.. She herself told me that its tough for him to get a decent job and if he continue like this he can never take care of her or even convince her parents. just after that she asked me a few questions about my plans for marriage and future (I took it as a sign 😀 sorry if iam wrong)

There is no way to peace, peace is the way.. 😆 So how do I get the girl in this Confusing story of mine? ❓
will I be safe and alive? 😮

Thanks.. 😀

[Ask April Masini]

Not making a decision is keeping you confused. You’re trying to hedge all your bets instead of going in a clear direction.

You can’t [i]not[/i] hurt your buddy if you go after the girl, and you shouldn’t stay friends with the girl if you’re not going to go after her.

So, which is it?

[Cloud]

Hi… mam, how r u? its been a little while. and I haven’t told her how i feel yet.. maybe the time wasn’t right till now. and the problem is just getting bigger.

My friend’s ex-girlfriend is back with him so now he is cheating on them. He is avoiding Nikki(the girl) a lot, by not answering her calls and sometimes scold her for calling. she used to call me a cry few times, and all i cloud do is support my friend that he maybe busy. but it wasn’t serious untill now.

since last week Nikki is was crying everyday because of him. she did not even tell me until I saw it for myself today.. she explained everything to me. that she was crying everyday and suffering from headache couse of it. i couldn’t bear it so I told her that he didn’t love her truly but nothing about cheating on her with his ex. he was avoiding her since last two months but when he talks to her he says he will always love her but a little busy.

He never keeps any secrets with me so I know everything he dose. he is always hanging out with his ex girlfriend now a days and says he is still waiting to decided on them..

Nikki asked me to come to her house tomorrow so we can talk about this.. Iam trying my best to keep her cheerful but there is not much I can do.. or is there? please suggest what’s the best thing to do, before I get into trouble.

[Ask April Masini]

I’m going to be a little blunt here in the hopes that you’ll get what I’ve been trying to tell you nicely, since four months since you wrote things haven’t gotten better — they’ve gotten worse. So here it is:

[i]You[/i] haven’t been honest with her. 😕 You need to ask her out on a date and behave on that date, like a guy who wants to be her boyfriend. Otherwise, you’re not being genuine. You focused a lot on what a bad guy her boyfriend is, but you really need to start being more honest, yourself, when it comes to her. 🙂

So, if you’re not going to date her, then absolutely don’t go to her house to discuss her love life. You shouldn’t be getting in between your best friend and his girlfriend. This is really a matter for the two of them. And frankly, I’m not sure why you’re friends with this other guy who doesn’t seem to have much character. 😳

I hope this time, my advice helps you make a change. 😉

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Cloud]

hi, I went to her house yesterday.

i did exactly what you said. ask her out.
I told her I wanna go out for a movie, she said ok but she took it as a hangout together with friends. Then to make things clear I even mentioned both of us alone. she said ok and diverted the topic. we talked normally for 2 hours and about her Bf (my friend) for about 20 min. then i came back and called her on the phone and talked for about 15 min. thats it, and its broken. 🙁
Iam a fool to let her go for a while, 2 months back I have been a little busy, so never contacted her for a few weeks. lot of things have changed in that short time…

you told me to ask her out on a date but how exactly should I ask. in this situation its impossible for me. its like three people talking together in a small room.
so many years and girls have passed but never found this girl until now. she has all the qualitys I like. she has a caterer unlike any other girl.

should I stay in touch, or should I let go. either is hard for me a this point.

[Ask April Masini]

I think that at this point, the best thing for you to do is to buy and read Date Out of Your League, a book I wrote for men who want to win with women. You can buy it here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url].

I don’t think that what I’m telling you here is getting through, and you’re looking for simple directions without understanding the nuances that are important for winning with women. This book is going to help you a lot. So please buy it and read it. Then we can talk further after you read it. 🙂

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Cloud]

Hi April,

I have learned a lot from what you told me previously, thank you very very much fro that. I followed you and had a successful relation for 2 years. Now I have comeback to you for your trustful advice again.
I met a girl through a guy. And thought she is a regular girl, but turns out she is not telling me everything. The other guy and I meet this girl at the same time and I talked to her on phone and told her I’m interested and she too was into me. The girl and I are not serious. We know that we won’t marry and agreed to an open relationship, But unfortunately I told the other guy about this thing and then after a few days the girl came to know that I told him . How? I wondered and few days later I noticed both of their phones are busy at the same time…

What happened here I think is the other guy called her and took advantage of our open relationship thing and told her not to tell a word to me or I’ll be maThank er.
But I just want to know what’s happening. I don’t have a problem with that girl talking to any guy. I asked her casually once and I confronted him more than once but they don’t say a thing. We all get this feeling when people talk about things we told to somebody else. That’s happening to me now. They just don’t tell me out of fear, I think. and I want her to tell me. She likes me that I can be sure of.. How do I make her to tell me without making her look character less or like that..
Am I the only one to think that they are talking behind my back? After all this and more I have a strong feeling this is all real. What should I do?

On an attempt to make her tell something, I stopped replying to her since yesterday and she kept on calling and texting me…

Thank you very much.

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like you need to stop focusing on what other people are saying when you’re not around, and focus instead, on your relationship with this woman, since you’re feeling jealous about what she thinks and says behind your back. 😉 Date her. Take her out to do special things. Get to know her and enjoy each other, and when you find that you have dates with her to look forward to, you won’t worry so much about what’s happening when you’re not around. 😉

In addition, since you’re not serious about her, right now, and you’re in an open relationship, you should play the field and date other women, too. 😉 The busier you are, and the more you’re focusing on what’s positive and good, the less you’ll worry about gossip. 😀

I hope that helps!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Cloud]

Thank you for your valuable advice. But my real problem is I don’t want the other guy to involve in our relationship. He knows a lot about me and I’m afraid he might be talking about me and listening to our conversation secretly. And he is even downsizing me and telling her I’m a very serious guy and may break up with her if she talks to other guys. I’m really annoyed with this guy. How can I trust this girl in sharing my personal things. If she is doing this with me.. I want her to be frank and tell me everything. I Dont want to hurt her in anyway. I just don’t know how to make her understand me.

Thank you April…

[Cloud]

Would it be okay to tell her about other women?

[Ask April Masini]

[quote]Thank you for your valuable advice. But my real problem is I don’t want the other guy to involve in our relationship. He knows a lot about me and I’m afraid he might be talking about me and listening to our conversation secretly. And he is even downsizing me and telling her I’m a very serious guy and may break up with her if she talks to other guys. I’m really annoyed with this guy. How can I trust this girl in sharing my personal things. If she is doing this with me.. I want her to be frank and tell me everything. I Dont want to hurt her in anyway. I just don’t know how to make her understand me.
[/quote]

I know you don’t want this other guy involved, but the reality is that you got him involved by telling him how you felt about this woman. Now, you regret that. 😳 I realize that you want him to stop interacting with her, but the problem is that you’re taking a negative stance. You can’t control his behavior or the way he’s going to compete with you for this woman, so instead focus on what you can control. 🙂 My advice is still that you stop worrying about this other guy, and focus on winning over the woman you’re interested in — if you still want her. Dating is competitive, and there’s nothing wrong with two men competing for the same woman. In fact, it’s pretty normal. I know you don’t like it, but my advice is to see the opportunity to practice your game! Good sportsmanship isn’t just about sports. It can be about dating, too! 😉

As for your wanting her to be frank and tell you everything, again, it sounds like you’re trying to create drama. 😕 Instead, understand that people are frank and honest when they feel that they can trust you. She doesn’t know you that well and she’s getting conflicting information from your friend. In fact, you’ve even told me conflicting information — that you’re not that interested in her, but you’re acting as though you’re very invested. I can’t tell if you really want this woman, or if you just don’t want your friend to have her. 😉 Make sure you know! 😀 And if you feel that she’s just someone who isn’t ever going to be frank in the way you’d like, then move on and find someone else to date. 😉

[quote]On an attempt to make her tell something, I stopped replying to her since yesterday and she kept on calling and texting me…[/quote]

I’m not sure how long you’ve been dating her, but I don’t think you should try to make her tell you things, and then cut contact when she doesn’t — unless it’s a deal breaker and you’re ready to move on. 😉 Instead, try to figure out why she isn’t telling you things. That’s much more important than the fact that she isn’t.

[quote]Would it be okay to tell her about other women?[/quote]

It depends on why you’re telling her about other women. If you’re just trying to make her jealous, then it’s probably going to backfire. If you’re getting to know each other, and you want her to know more about you, and she wants the same thing, then it’s fine.

Hope that helps!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Cloud]

That’s exactly what I was expecting April. Thanks for your help. So I don’t have to worry about anything then? hope everything goes well. Thank you. 😛

[Ask April Masini]

You’re welcome. 😀

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

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