[mosley909]

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for over 5 years, and we have just bought a house together last year …. however over the last 6 month i have been growing closer to a another girl who ive fallen for.
Ive tried to ignore it and have distanced myself from her, and have now stopped speaking to her because it had got to the point where we where texting each other nearly 24 hours a day and finding any excuse to meet up, but she is still all I can think about.
Nothing has happened between me and the other girl, though we have both admitted we have strong feelings for each other, and it is now impossible for me to go home and look in my girlfriends eyes.
What should i do? i don’t want to hurt my girlfriend and obviously i have huge financial commitments including a fixed term mortgage.
what should i do, should i ignore the fact i have fallen out of love with my girl friend and fallen for some one else and try and rebuild my relationship, or should plunge my life in to chaos and follow my heart?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t know how old you are, but it sounds like you really want to date this other woman, and since you’re not married, you’re free to do so. However, your girlfriend of 5 years will probably find out about this one way or another, so it’s best if you’re proactive and don’t sneak around behind her back any more than you have. Even though you haven’t slept with or dated this other woman, texting “24 hours a day” may be seen as a betrayal.

It’s unfortunate that you have a financial commitment together, but it’s not the end of the world. You can always consult an attorney about how to handle the finances you and your girlfriend have entwined. But think about this: Clearly, you committed financially to your girlfriend without thinking through the consequences or leaving yourself an exit strategy if things don’t work out. This other woman may be another impulsive decision like buying the house with your current girlfriend was. If you want to really play it safe, don’t start dating this other woman while you’re living with your girlfriend. Instead, break up, separate your property, legally, and then begin dating. It will make things less chaotic — believe it or not! And consider a legal agreement, like a prenup, for big purchases.

Hope that helps!

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[mosley909]

[quote=”April Masini”]I don’t know how old you are, [/quote]
Im 30,
we do have a prenup on the house. but it wasn’t an impulse that we bought a house by we had been saving for a few years and im not sure if i was so pre occupied with buying a house that i didnt notice problems or that their wern’t any and i simply fell for someone else.
I agree that what me and the other woman where doing could be seen as betrayal even thou their has been no physical contact between us apart from the odd hug.
i really like the other girl Im just worried i worried that im giving up to much to be with a girl ive never even kissed, what if it all comes to nothing and im making a huge mistake!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

That’s great that you have a financial agreement about the house in case things don’t work out. 🙂

The problem here isn’t the risk involved in giving up everything you have with your girlfriend for someone you’ve never even kissed. The risk is that you’re committed to someone with whom you’re not committed ENOUGH to not want to test other waters, so to speak. 😉 If your girlfriend finds out about this other woman you’ve been communicating with, she will see this person as “the other woman” because that’s what she’ll be. Whenever there’s another woman in a relationship it’s because of an issue in the relationship — whether that’s you not wanting to commit or something else going on. 😉

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