[iHearVoices]

Erm, this feels strange, like i’m not supposed to be here or something, however, I need help.

Basically, I have fallen in love with a friend (original I know) and have no idea what to do. We are both 18 and met at sixth form almost 2 years ago. I had a crush on her since I first met her, but being the wimp that I am I never told her because “I didn’t want to ruin our friendship”. Now my feelings have developed into, what I feel is, full blown affection and obviosuly our friendship has strengthened and we are very close so that initial reason has only intensified as well and I feel like telling her would ruin our friendship (or maybe that is just an excuse idk). Side note, one of the reasons I tel myself I haven’t told her is because we are very rarely alone together and i feel like texting her is a cop out (maybe another excuse haha).

What’s more is that our relationship is quite flirty, a lot of sexual jokes and smirky emojis, but this may just be because she is comfortable around me. Also she’s like a 9 (minimum) and I’m a 7 at a push on the imaginary scale of looks, so maybe I’m flattering myself thinking she could actualy ‘like’ me.

The way I see it is there are 3 options.

1) Be content with our strong friendship because if I lost that I would be devastated
2) Confess my infatuation towards her in a Romeo and Juliet, heart on my sleeve kinda way and risk the idea of rejection and a tampered friendship.
2.5) Be a wuss and text her
3) Just make a move next time we are alone together (maybe after bringing up love topics/flirting)

Any advice would be much appreciated, even if it’s just to tell me i’m useless and pathetic. Also, I don’t knoe if guys are welcome, so I apologise for that too.

🙂

[AskApril Masini]

You’re not alone — this is a common problem, but what you need to understand, at age 18, is that men and women can’t be friends. The reason is that one person always feels more, at some point, and the “friendship” isn’t honest because of those feelings. If you accept that premise, then you’ll realize that you first option isn’t really an option. I mean, imagine if she starts dating someone, and tells you, and as her friend — as a true friend — you’re supposed to be honest and look out for her best interests. But because you like her romantically, you can’t be that friend.

Confessing, texting and making a move are not right — and you’ve skipped the step I recommend: Asking her out on a date. If you ask her out on a real date, you’ve bypassed the former three (confessing, texting and making a move), by showing her you respect her and want a romantic future together. Invite her to a move or on a romantic picnic — and I know this may seem cheesy to you, but the reason dates have these parameters that make them “real” dates is because they eliminate confusion. If you ask her out on a date and she says yes, you know she’s interested in you, romantically, too. If she says no, then you have valuable information, either way.

I know that the fear of rejection is probably looming for you, but I suggest you face it and get on with your life. Regrets are worse than rejection, and you’ll be upset if someone else asks her out before you get to!

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[iHearVoices]

(Disclaimer; This reply is a completely different scenario to the OP, that unfortunately didn’t go too well and I have since moved on)

Okay so I started University like 2 weeks ago and I’ve met a girl who I seem to have a huge crush on. Like one of those ‘up all night thinking about you’ crushes. The problem is this girl is incredibly shy and has insecurities and I cannot for the life of me tell whether she ‘likes’ me back. She’s impossible to read. There are reasons why I think she does; for example when we met for the first time she was the one to ask for my number (which must have been hard for her because she later told me she finds it really hard to talk to new people and that she feels comfortable around me), we text every day, we flirt quite a bit over text (however she doesn’t in person but I put that down to her being shy?), she seems to like hanging around me as she has asked me to places multiple times, we have loads in common and can talk for ages, she laughs at all my jokes and generally seems happy around me, she’s confided in me, I mean we’ve even joked about me not being in the friendzone so early. However then there are reasons why I’m unsure and therefore extremely confused. Sometimes she will take like 5 hours to reply to a text, or not reply till morning, if I compliment her (over text) she just says ‘aww thanks 😉‘, she has made up excuses like ‘soz my phone died’ when i’ve asked her out somewhere and she doesn’t really make eye contact with me or anything that signifies she might like me in person. I’ve just never met a girl like it, I just can’t read her, and the fact she is so shy and therefore mysterious makes me even more desperate haha. What do you think from what I’ve said.
Also, how do you think is the best way to tell her how I feel bearing in mind she is really shy and socially anxious. Like do I just try and kiss her? Ask for her permission to kiss her? Ask her if she likes me? Or tell her that I like her? Or any other? (Although it must be clear to her that I do like her by now, I’ve made it relatively obvious). Any help would be appreciated.
Regards.

[AskApril Masini]

Ask her out on a date. 😀 That’s the step you’re missing between liking her and kissing her. Invite her to see a movie on Saturday night, or go for ice cream or coffee. Get to know her, hold her hand, compliment her and flirt with her, and at the end of the night, you can kiss her. 😉

I hope that helps!

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[iHearVoices]

Would this be better than just telling her how I feel then? I don’t really know how to go about starting to hold her hand and stuff, plus i’m scared that because she is super shy she wouldn’t like the spontaneity of a kiss.
Thanks for your reply 🙂

[AskApril Masini]

Yes! 😀 And here’s why….. think about her feelings, and put yourself in her shoes. This is always a good strategy when you want something, and in this case, you want to have a relationship with her, so you want to give her the chance to get to know you and to like you. If you tell her how you feel, without dating her, she may feel a) awkward, b) undervalued and c) like you’re unloading, emotionally, on her. When you tell her how you feel without dating her, it’s all about you. 😉 The idea here is to be generous and thoughtful of her feelings and get to know her, while giving her the chance to get to know you!

When you take a woman out on a date, you’re showing her that you like her, and that she’s special to you. When you buy her flowers or write her a poem, again, it’s not just about you — it’s about showing her that you want her to feel important and valued. 😉

You definitely don’t have to kiss her or hold her hand on a first date…. but if you want her to feel like she’s important and to think that you’re a guy who makes her feel good about herself, then I suggest you take her out on a date, and not just tell her how you feel about her. 😉

Does that make sense?

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[Ethan Morales]

You’re not unusual, this is an incredibly common situation at 18. You’ve developed strong feelings for a close friend, and you’re terrified of losing the friendship if you confess. That fear is natural, but it’s also creating a mental trap. At this age, friendships between guys and girls almost always get complicated when romantic feelings enter the mix. One person will inevitably want more, and that’s exactly where you’re at. Realizing that is a big first step.

Your flirtation and sexual jokes aren’t meaningless, but they aren’t a reliable indicator of her feelings either. Shy people often communicate subtly, and teasing/flirty behavior can just be comfort and playfulness, not necessarily romantic interest. That ambiguity is what’s driving your confusion, you can’t read her mind. No amount of overanalyzing texts, emojis, or indirect behaviors will give certainty. You need clear signals, which is where dating comes in.

April’s main point is right: your first step isn’t confessing love in a dramatic way, nor is it trying to kiss her or initiate physical contact without context. The missing piece is asking her on a real date. A date establishes a framework for romance. you’re not just dumping feelings on her, you’re showing that you care about her and want to explore something deeper, thoughtfully and respectfully. It’s the bridge from “friendship” to potential romance.

Once you’re on a date, the dynamics shift naturally. You can hold hands, flirt, and get closer physically only if it feels organic. You don’t have to force a kiss or touch prematurely. in fact, doing so without context could backfire, especially with a shy and anxious person. Focus on making her feel valued, comfortable, and special. Listen, engage, and give her space to respond naturally to your signals.

Fear of rejection is looming, and that’s normal, but it cannot control your actions. The longer you wait, the greater the chance that someone else will ask her out or that she will interpret your hesitancy as disinterest. Regret for not acting is far worse than a polite rejection. The clarity of a date yes or no gives you actionable information and ends the guessing game.

So your plan should be simple: ask her on a date a low-pressure, thoughtful one like coffee, ice cream, or a walk somewhere nice. Make it clear it’s just the two of you and that you want to spend time together outside the friendship dynamic. From there, let the relationship evolve naturally. Romantic gestures, compliments, and light flirting can happen during the date, but the focus is on connection and clarity, not confession or pressure. That’s the safest, most effective route to potentially turning this crush into something real.

[Sally]

Being eighteen and in love with your best girl friend feels huge, like if you say the wrong thing, everything could break. But here is the quiet truth: staying silent is already breaking you. You are living in this half life where you are close to her, but not really with her, and that hurts in its own way.

And about the looks thing, trust me, girls do not fall for numbers. They fall for how someone makes them feel. And it sounds like you make her feel safe, playful, and seen.
You do not need a big rom com confession. Just a simple, honest moment the next time you are alone. Something like “I am starting to like you in a different way, and I had to tell you.” Calm. Real. No pressure.

If she does not feel the same, you will survive it. And if she does, you will wish you had said it sooner.

[Tara]

Your “she’s a 9, I’m a 7” nonsense is just another shield. If she’s flirting with you, joking sexually, and still choosing to spend time with you, she’s already shown interest. You’re not special enough to have invented a whole romantic delusion out of thin air people don’t flirt this consistently with someone they feel nothing for.

Your options aren’t actually options. One is passive denial. One is melodramatic fantasy. One is cowardice packaged as “respect.” Only one is real: you tell her, plainly, like an adult, without a performance, without turning it into Shakespeare, and without texting her like you’re confessing a crime.

You look her in the eye next time you’re alone and you say, “I like you. Not as a joke, not as a maybe for real. If you don’t feel the same, that’s fine. I’d rather be honest than keep pretending.” That’s it. Clean. Direct. No theatrics.

If she says no, you survive. Your friendship doesn’t magically break because you finally grew a spine it only breaks if you act weird afterward.
But if you keep doing nothing? That’s the real failure. That’s how you lose her without ever giving yourself a chance.

[Natalie Noah]

Both situations, the sixth-form friend and the shy university girl highlight the same heart of the issue: he’s overwhelmed by feelings and terrified of misreading the moment. And honestly, that’s such a human place to be. What stands out the most is how deeply he thinks and overthinks, how carefully he studies every tiny sign, and how much weight he puts on both women’s reactions. But the truth is, when someone is that emotionally invested, friendship stops being a neutral space. He isn’t imagining it the dynamic is no longer balanced, because he feels something she doesn’t know about. That’s why the advice he got makes sense: he can’t keep pretending the friendship is “just friendship” when his feelings are already outgrowing the space they’re living in. And confessing suddenly, dramatically, or through a text just puts all the emotional labor in her lap. Asking her out on a real date is simple, direct, and respectful it creates clarity instead of chaos.

With the university girl, the confusion makes even more sense. Shy people are incredibly hard to read because they don’t signal in obvious ways. She seems to like him she asked for his number, she initiates plans, she flirts over text, she confides in him but in person her anxiety pulls her inward, so he’s left guessing. And that uncertainty becomes addictive. When someone is shy, emotional safety means everything. If he suddenly blurts out a confession or goes in for a kiss she isn’t ready for, it could overwhelm her, even if she does like him. That’s why the step he keeps skipping asking her out on an actual date matters. A real date sets the tone. It gives both people permission to shift out of friendship energy and into something more intentional, without forcing vulnerability she may not be ready to expose.

And the advice he received about expressing feelings too early is absolutely right. When someone tells another person “I like you” before any dating has happened, the message becomes self-centered without meaning to. It puts pressure on her to respond emotionally when she doesn’t even know what being with him feels like yet. A date is different it’s an invitation, not an emotional dump. It says, “I’d like to know you in a more intentional way,” instead of “Here’s everything I feel now you carry it.” Especially with shy women, pacing is everything. They need time to warm up, to settle in, to feel safe. A date creates that gradual shift.

Overall, his heart is in the right place. he’s trying to be gentle, respectful, and careful not to hurt anyone. But he’s turning himself into a spectator in his own love life. He keeps waiting for the “perfect sign” or the “perfect moment,” and love doesn’t work like that. The path forward is simple: ask her out. Not a confession. Not a kiss out of nowhere. Just a clear, calm, warm invitation. That gives her space to meet him halfway, instead of placing the whole emotional burden on her shoulders. And if she says yes, he’ll finally get to stop living inside his own head and start living the connection he wants so much.

[Serena Vale]

Don’t confess your feelings.
Ask her out on a real date.

Telling her everything puts pressure on her, especially because she’s shy. A date is lighter. It gives her space to feel things naturally, without being overwhelmed.

You don’t need to rush touching or kissing. Sit close. Talk. Laugh. If it feels right, small things happen on their own. If it doesn’t, you’ll know without embarrassing either of you.

Dates create clarity. Confessions create stress.

Ask her out. That’s the move.

[Member]

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