[logjam25]

I have been talking to this girl for 2 months now. The first month things were awesome! We hung out about 3 times a week, went out a lot, and she always flirted, held my hand, etc. I could clearly see she wanted more than friends. We talked about a relationship but she said she just wasn’t ready. So now, we haven’t hung out for about 3 weeks, every time we plan to she finds an excuse and she told me that she is too busy to have a relationship right now, and that she can’t give me the relationship I deserve. But yet she also said that she could see things working out later on down the line. I believe this is all a result of my being clingy! I text her every day, sometimes she texts me first, but I talk to her nonstop and I’m always trying to hang out with her. I’m not sure if I can take a step back and things will be the way they were a month ago, but it couldn’t hurt! I find myself saying things like “I wish you were here right now” -a month ago she would have responded “I wish I was too, so you could hold me!”, but now she responds -“yeah, I just don’t feel that great”. So you can see how things are going down hill! We used to be sweet back and forth and flirt all day, and now there is none of that! All I want is to have back what we had a month ago and for her to want to hang out with me all the time like she used to! The weird thing is..she still texts me some mornings and says “good morning I hope you have a great day! :)” even after telling me she doesn’t want a relationship with me. She admitted that she still has feelings for me and likes me, but says she can’t date me right now because everything she does she puts full effort into it and she would not be able to do that right now. But I believe if she really liked me enough then she would be with me, so the goal here is to get her more attracted to me and like me more like she did! Any tips or advice would be great! Thanks!

[Ask April Masini]

You already know the problem. 🙂 Now, all you have to do is address it! 😀 If you know that the reason that things went downhill is because you’re too clingy — then just stop being so clingy. It’s that simple. 😉

[b]Check out my new FB Fan Page!! And If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” me — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[logjam25]

So that worked! She asked me to hang out and we have hung out twice this weekend and she wants to do lunch with me tomorrow and hang out the next night also! We held hands again and got close, but I’m just not sure how to bring up the dating topic again without falling right back into the same hole!

[Ask April Masini]

What “hole” are you talking about?

And why do you have to “bring up” a dating topic? 🙄

If you want to date her, then just ask her out on a date. 😉 Don’t turn this into drama, and don’t act needy. Just stay focused on what you want, and on what works. 😀

[b]Check out my new FB Fan Page!! And If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” me — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[logjam25]

im referring to the hole i always find myself in. i get to this point with every girl where things are going well but they dont consider it a “relationship”. when we hang out or go out together we call it “dates” and she has referred to us seeing each other as “date night” but it still isnt exclusive. i feel like i can only stay in limbo for so long before we discuss going that next step, but thats where i always mess up! i cant seem to get over the barrier! we have talked about a relationship before but she said she just wasnt ready..so im not sure when that perfect time is to bring it up or to tell her how she makes me happy and i want to be with her.

[Ask April Masini]

Got it. 🙂 Here’s my advice so you don’t repeat the same pattern again. Understand that dating is a process, and you both use that dating process to figure out if she’s someone you want to continue dating or not, and she tries to figure out if you’re someone she wants to continue dating or not. This goes on for about three months. At the three month mark of dating, you either continue dating or you move on (if one of you hasn’t made that decision already). Then, you date for three more months, getting to know each other even more deeply, meeting each others’ friends and family, perhaps — and at the six month mark, you decide if you want to be exclusive or not. If you follow those guidelines you should be fine.

I think what you’re doing is jumping the gun and having “the talk” way to soon, and this scares people off and it telegraphs your insecurity, which is NOT sexy. 😳 Women love men who are confident, and if you project anything other than that, you’re going to lose the girl. 😉 Hope that helps!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[logjam25]

I’ve been “talking” to this girl now for 5 months and i am secretly in love with her. I am crazy about her! The problem is this…I just turned 25 and she is still 18. However, she got out of a 2 year engagement 10 months ago. So she is very very fragile! So we have been hanging out at least twice a week for the past 5 months and things go great, then they back off, they go great, then back off, same pattern. We are planning to go on a trip together for a week in about 3 weeks, so that’s a pretty big deal. And about a month ago things looked like we were getting ready to date, we would hang out every day, and things were awesome! Then some drama started and we didn’t talk for a week, things got bad. Then she told me she wanted things to get back to normal, the only problem is that now that we are hanging out again, she barely will let me touch her, hug her, anything. Obviously I want more than just friends with her but when I hug her it’s awkward now and when I put my hand on her or something, she just acts different. So what can I do or say to help things out here? I don’t want to screw things up before our trip, but I also would love to be headed in the right direction before out trip also…I want to move things forward but I have no idea what is going on with her. She is always scared to move into anything too seriously but it’s been 5 months!!! and it’s killing me to not be able to kiss or hug her when we hang out! But yet when I don’t text her back for 30 minutes, she will call me asking me why I haven’t texted her back! haha it’s so strange but I’m crazy about this girl and I want a relationship with her without being pushy and without being in the friend zone right now! I was so sweet to her whenever we were doing good and she loved that, but now I’m trying to back off and not be very sweet at all hoping it will drive her crazy, but it looks like it’s biting me in the butt instead. So should I flirt and be sweet to her a lot more or keep doing with I’m doing and try to be distant with the texting? Any plan, advice, info would be great. I just need to figure this out! And we have talked about being in a relationship a million times but she never wants to talk about the future or anything..so it’s hard to bring it up at all!

[Ask April Masini]

Have you asked her to go out on a date with you?

[logjam25]

Well we don’t necessarily call it “dates” when we hang out, but it is sort of implied. She used to text me and say “cant wait for our date tomorrow” but now I never get anything flirty like that at all. That’s why I’m so worried about everything, and when I try to talk to her about being more than friends she says “I don’t want to have this conversation”. But before we had an argument a few weeks back she said “I was really starting to grow close to you and was thinking about having a relationship with you” but yet she didn’t act that way at all..so I’m just not sure. From my experiences, if a girl likes me, I can tell she does. Even in her case, I could tell that she used to like me, but now she sort of says she does, but just doesn’t act like it whatsoever!

[Ask April Masini]

You’re stuck in the friend zone, and as long as you don’t ask her out on a real date, and make it clear it’s a date, you’re going to remain stuck there. 😮 Don’t be afraid of rejection! 😉 It’s a big gift because if she’s not interested in you, then you get to find someone who is! 🙂 Take a bigger picture view of dating. It’s a numbers game — so don’t put all your eggs in one basket. If someone doesn’t want to date you, then don’t “create” a hole — move on. 🙂

[b]Check out my new FB Fan Page!! And If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” me — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[logjam25]

We have gone on “dates” and pretty much been at the “talking” stage for months though, I just think I put it out there too much and tell her how I feel too often. We text pretty much all day every day and then either see each other at night or talk on the phone. I just feel as though I need some help building attraction through text messages so I don’t find myself “small talking”. When I tell her how I want things to be great with us and how I wish she had the same feelings as I do towards her then that really kills the vibe, she usually doesn’t respond or is really short. I have just invested a lot of time and effort into this girl and care a lot about her and want this to work out! She just keeps telling me that she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone right now but yet I feel like in some cases we are almost dating, so it’s pretty strange. I AM in the friend zone, I just want to get out of it without being too pushy about things, I want to be respectful to how she feels but at the same time I hate being so patient.

[Ask April Masini]

You’re keeping yourself in the friend zone, and it’s your choice to get out or not. If she doesn’t want a romantic relationship, then move on. If she does, then it’s time to take the relationship to that next step.

If you want to get out of the hole you’re in, then do it. But if you don’t do it, then you have to stop complaining about it, and expect to become a doormat. 😳

[b]Check out my new FB Fan Page!! And If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” me — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[logjam25]

Well, I tried my best to get out of the friend zone! We actually went away together for 5 nights on vacation and didn’t one time kiss or anything, I tried to get close to her and it wasn’t happening, we had fun but that was all. The night after we got back which was 2 days ago, she told me she wanted to just be friends and that I was not what she wanted and that she was sorry. Even after about 6 months of off and on that we have been doing, she acted as though there was no hope. She still wants to hang out and be friends, but the past 2 days I have backed off and not talked to her hardly at all, I stopped texting her earlier today and acted like I didn’t care. I believe I have been very needy this whole time. I know that the only way I can win her back is to stop being so insecure, start being less available, stop expressing my feelings to her, and be more desirable as a man! Then maybe this summer while we are having a lot of fun together and I’m also hanging out with other girls and doing my own thing, she will realize what we had a few months back and will miss how sweet and great I was to her. And I do want to put myself through this because I am crazy about her, so I have made my mind up that I’m going to try to win her over still, if nothing else to prove to myself that I can be an alpha male and not a needy pansy like I have been to her! I feel like that’s my only shot with her, build confidence, show confidence, and feel better about myself while still having a good time with her. What do you think??? Any advice or plan at this point would be great!

[Ask April Masini]

I think that at this point, after all the advice I’ve given you here — you should re-read these posts, and then buy and read Date Out of Your League,[url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url], a book I wrote for men who want to win the dating game. It’s going to help you with some basics of dating like not befriending a woman, not getting into the friend zone, understanding how nice guys finish last, etc.

Hope that helps!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[Ethan Morales]

Basically talked himself out of attraction. He started strong. She liked him, things were light, fun, and flirtatious. Then he made her his emotional center. That’s where it fell apart. When someone feels like they’ve suddenly become responsible for another person’s happiness, they back away. She didn’t stop liking him; she stopped feeling free.

April nailed it clinginess kills momentum. When you’re trying to “win” someone who’s lukewarm, every text, every “I miss you”, just reinforces that you’re chasing. The problem isn’t how much he cared, it’s how much he showed he cared. Attractions’s built on tension, mystery, and space. You can’t create that when you’re constantly trying to “fix” the connection or talk about what’s wrong.

He fell into what I’d call the hopeful trap. He kept trying to decode every mixed signal: “She texted me good morning, maybe she still likes me.” That’s a bad mindset. When someone says they’re too busy, not ready, or unsure believe them. Don’t wait for potential; match their effort, not your fantasy.

He got stuck in the friend zone because he let her define the dynamic. He never took control and said, “This is what I want a real date, not hangouts.” You can’t flirt your way out of ambiguity. Being nice isn’t a strategy; being clear is. Confidence isn’t about being distant it’s about being decisive.

I get that he wanted to “prove” to himself that he could act like an “alpha male.” But that’s just another form of chasing validation. Real confidence isn’t about pretending you don’t care; it’s about knowing that walking away doesn’t make you lose anything worth keeping. If someone’s on the fence about you after six months, that’s not your person that’s your mirror showing you where your boundaries are weak.

The lesson here is simple stop performing for people’s approval. The right woman won’t need you to “earn” her interest through games or silence. Be genuine, be composed, and protect your self-respect. Attraction thrives on authenticity and independence not constant reassurance or emotional overexposure.

You want her back? Fine. But first, get yourself back.

[Author]

Posts