[Lana]

Dear April,
Last summer i met a guy in a party and he took my number. We text each other every week or so only as friends. We met finally last month and it was very normal and formal.
Yesterday he envited me to a party and introduced me to his friend who also took my number and was hitting on me all night. His friend called me till now 6 times and asked me to be his girlfriend.
My question is: if i say yes would this hurt my friend? Plus i liked the new guy more than my old friend.
Please advice. Thanks !

[jennaMax]

mistake he made doing this. has the old guy showed you interest? if yes, and you go with the new guy (his friend) you will hurt his feelings for sure but you were never an item in the first place. sounds to me like you really want to say yes to the new guy so you shud prob go ahead.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Of course it will hurt your friend if you date the new guy because your friend isn’t your friend — he’s a suitor. He’s someone who wants to date you. But…. in love, someone always gets hurt. That’s the nature of the dynamic. Dating is competitive and rejection is normal. He WILL get over his hurt and he WILL move on. You can’t protect his feelings because if you don’t date the guy you like because you want to take care of someone else, you’ll be “mercy-dating” him. And nobody wants to feel like they’re a mercy date. 😳

If you like the new guy more than the older guy, then you should date the new guy. But don’t agree to be his girlfriend just yet. Instead, see if after dating him for a couple of months, you like him well enough to date him and only him! It’s not in your best interest (or his) to take yourself off the market just because someone likes you, but hasn’t dated you yet. You should date smart. You may decide after three or four dates that this new guy is a nice guy with a lot of great attributes, but not your cup of tea. If you’re just someone he’s dated and not his “girlfriend”, moving on isn’t a big deal at that time — but if you make a premature commitment, then making that decision to move on takes on implications you probably didn’t intend.

Hope that helps!

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