[SJS]

hi I am susan, and im in a bit of a pickle.
I am from England, but have been living in the U.S. for 6 months now and I’m going back to the U.K. in a year.

I met a boy 5 months ago. the only problem is that at the same time i had a boyfriend back in the U.K. that I didn’t really want to be with for a while. this boy ( lets call him Joe) and I were really good friends, but we started to like each other and after 3 months of friendship we started to date while I was still together with my boyfriend. so in christmas when i went back home and saw him for the holidays, we broke up. now that I’m back in the U.S., I still talk to him quite a lot and I go out with Joe sometimes since he is just the sweetest guy and just so romantic. everything went perfect until after a perfectly romantic day with Joe, my ex-boyfriend called me on Skype and said that he didn’t want to talk to me any more if we wouldn’t get back together. the thing is that I still like him, but i also like Joe, so I told Joe about this, and he told me that he remembered that while I was still together with him, I was miserable and he was right. I was in a relationship i didnt want to be in. we talked some more and he was so understanding, because when he moved to the U.S. 3 years ago, his girlfriend back home at the time got another boyfriend and then wanted to get back with him and now he doesnt talk to her anymore and he hates her. I dont want my ex-boyfriend to hate me, because i like him too much as a friend. also I dont want to waste joe’s time. Joe also started to call me more now and he wants to go out more together, but i keep cancelling on him and he knows this. I feel I’m going to lose both of them if I dont do something.
on the other hand, my ex really needs me, he does something he hates, he gave up on drinking and clubbing so he could work to afford a ticket and stay here for a few weeks, so i feel really guilty as well.

Who should I choose? – the boy back home who loves me and gave up on so much for me even though i wasn’t really happy or the romantic sweet boy I can be happy with right now and not worry about the future until i go back home?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You want one boy. You want the other boy. You don’t want to waste one’s time. You don’t want to let go of the other. You don’t want your ex-boyfriend to hate you. You don’t want to let go of contact. You have so many wants and you’re trying to give yourself everything that you’re making a mess of other peoples’ lives! 😕 Eventually it’s going to backfire if you don’t change your behavior.

Life means you can’t have everything all the time. Sometimes you have to make choices.

You’re not doing your British boyfriend any favors by giving him false hope because you feel guilty. My advice is to decide if you want a long distance relationship at the expense of an in town relationship or not. Juggling two men on two continents is too much for you, and you’re right — you will lose them both if you don’t choose one.

It seems like you’re better off not leading any out of town boyfriend on with false promises of fidelity. If you tell you’re U.K. boyfriend that the two of you are off when you’re not in the country, then you both have the chance to explore real life relationships in real time, which ultimately, is much healthier.

I hope that helps and that you can simplify your lives by making some good choices. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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