[dave1]

Hi!

I’ve been married for about 18 months and am having big probems with my wife, her family and my parents.

It started at our wedding. Due to the set up my parents didnt get to meet her family before the big day, then on the day my Mum was sat at their table and my Dad was at the bridle table. I had spent months saying I wasnt happy about this as they hadnt met and my Mum is quiet with people she doesnt know.

On the day, apparently my Mum was heard to say she’d rather be sitting at a table with people she does know which got my wifes family to turn ther back on her and ignore her.

Then my wife had arguements with my Mum and Dad (they live away and stay with us when they come here – and own part the house) The arguements are over stupid misunderstandings. For example, my wife was recently exhausted looking after out child so my Mum said as we were leaving, you dont have to come as were only going to the solicitors. She felt this meant they didnt want her to come which was far from what they meant.

Know her family have tried judged and convicted them based on these rumours, 1 side of the arguement and gossip and are refusing to have anything to do with my parents to the extent where they wont come and visit us in the hospital when our second child comes. My wife is constatly worryingher self sick when they are due to come back.

My parents keep making an effort to keep in touch with her by email, the same as me, and I am constantly worrying and upset by his. When I try to talk to her about it she thinks I am taking sides or having a go at her so gets on the defensive.

Her parents are seem to be making things worse instead of helping us move forward and I dont know what to do. I am really close to my parents (as is she with hers) and it is eating me up inside.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There’s a saying you’re going to need to memorize: Don’t sweat the small stuff. You really have to change your perspective and understand that not everyone is going to like everyone in ANY family and that in-laws CAN break a marriage apart [i]if the bond between you and your wife is not strong[/i]. Since you’re still relatively newly married, this is the time to show your wife support and make your relationship with her your priority.

When your parents and her parents all act petty, LET IT GO! Laugh it off. Don’t say things like “tried, judged and convicted” when you’re discussing GOSSIP! 😯 Those are words that have to do with CRIMES — not family likes and dislikes. You need to lighten up and be okay if everyone doesn’t like everyone in your family.

I know that you are close with your parents, but you have to have some boundaries with all the parents right now, until you and your wife are a lot stronger as a couple. Things change in marriage and your relationship with your parents has to fade a little (or a lot) to make room for your wife being center stage in your life. Eventually, your parents will respect your decision because they will want the best for you.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

Posts