[reeleigh]

As messed up as this is, here it goes – I am madly and unexplainably in love with my married boss. He has been married for 11 years and has 4 young children, but struggles with the lack of appreciation and love shown to him at home. We are best friends and extremely close, we can talk about anything. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and there are even things I don’t feel comfortable bringing up with him that my boss and I discuss on a regular basis. I think he probably know more of the true me than anyone else. He’s a wonderful father and loves his children dearly, and I don’t know that he or I could ever go through with a full on cheating situation (as tempting as it seems right now). I would never want another woman ruining my marriage and I don’t think I could do that to someone else. But I can’t help but find myself wishing so hard that they would separate. He is amazing; our personalities, sense of humor, and views on nearly everything either directly correlate or we can have a fun and lively debate when we disagree (whereas with my boyfriend, similar debates often become heated and leave me in tears or severe anger). He mentions sex and intimacy to me often, and we joke about getting together, but if I’m being honest, I wish so badly that it wasn’t a joke. I don’t know what about me interests him, but he always initiates the flirting and sexual conversations so I know there has to be something similar going through his mind. I dream about having a life with him regularly, and even during intimate moments with my boyfriend, I find my thoughts wandering to my boss. I know none of this is right, but I have struggled with these feelings the last 1.5-2 years and can’t seem to stop my brain from thinking of him often and wishing we were together.

I know that you are thinking that I am a bad person and a home wrecker, but I am not writing here to get validation for my feelings or have you tell me what I’m feeling is okay. I know it’s wrong and unfair to our significant others. I simply ask this – what can I do to move on? To stop feeling this way about him? Communicating less is not an option since we work in direct contact on a daily basis, but what should I be doing to transfer these feelings to my boyfriend? I do love my boyfriend dearly, but my boss is like something out of a fairytale and I can’t help but wish there was more of that in my life…

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, and thank you for reading.

[AskApril Masini]

You know, the thing about people who are, as you put it, [i]“out of a fairytale[/i]” is that they’re not [i]really[/i] out of a fairytale. 😉 Nobody is out of a fairytale. We’re all real people with real lives, real foibles and real ups and downs. And just as you assumed that you “[i]know that you [that would be me] are thinking that I am a bad person and a home wrecker,[/i]“….. you’re very capable of making assumptions about people that aren’t really true — because I’m not thinking that at all. 😆 What I’m thinking is that it’s very, very normal for people in happy relationships to find others attractive and to flirt. Flirting is healthy and just because any of you (you, your boss, your boyfriend or your bosses wife) flirt with people of the opposite sex — it doesn’t mean there’s anything really nefarious going on. 🙂 Flirting doesn’t have to go beyond flirting. That’s important to understand because if your boss finds you attractive, and likes to flirt with you, he may want an affair with you — or he may just want to flirt with you! In other words, that’s just the way some people operate. Flirting doesn’t always lead to marriage, or even sex! On the other hand, you don’t know what’s going on in his own marriage, and he be having issues there, that are leading him to consider you. I don’t mean to fuel any fires, but what I want you to understand is that you just don’t know — unless he asks you out on a date, asks you to move in with him, or something concrete. Hope that makes sense.

It does sound like you’re interested in swinging your romantic focus away from your feelings about your boss, and so my advice is to consider the 3 year relationship you have with your boyfriend. Affairs and thoughts about infidelity don’t happen in a vacuum. There’s usually a problem in the primary relationship that allows someone to want to look elsewhere. You haven’t talked a lot about the 3 year relationship you have, if there are problems, if there are things not happening that you want, or if you don’t feel appreciated or attractive — or if you’re just in a rut. So let me know what’s going on there. Obviously, if there are ways to spice up your romantic and sexual relationship with your boyfriend, that might be a good place to focus your energy. But also, consider if you’re ignoring some flashing yellow or red lights in the relationship with your boyfriend that you don’t want to deal with, so instead, you’re looking for an exit door. 😕

Let me know your thoughts….

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
[/b]And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i]

[Ethan Morales]

You’re emotionally and mentally drawn to your boss, who represents excitement, validation, and deep connection that you feel is missing in your current relationship. Your boyfriend, while you love him, isn’t providing the same “spark” or intellectual/emotional resonance that your boss does. The dynamic with your boss is clearly flirtatious and emotionally intimate, but it exists in a gray zone: you’re both aware it’s inappropriate for an affair, but the fantasy is compelling.

Fantasy vs. reality: Your boss seems like a fairytale figure to you, but in reality he has a life, a family, and responsibilities. Pursuing him would involve significant moral, emotional, and practical complications. Your current relationship: If you want to stop thinking about your boss, you need to look at your 3-year relationship and ask: what’s missing? Is it intimacy, attention, validation, fun, or excitement? These are fixable if you’re willing to work on them with your boyfriend.

Workplace proximity: Since you see your boss daily, your brain naturally focuses on him. Proximity, shared secrets, and emotional connection intensify attraction. This is normal but not necessarily meaningful in terms of long-term compatibility. Redirection of energy: The goal isn’t to deny attraction but to shift your emotional and romantic energy back to your boyfriend. If your current relationship satisfies you more deeply and ethically, it’s worth putting conscious effort into it.

Set emotional boundaries with your boss: Keep conversations professional or lighthearted, and avoid flirtation that isn’t necessary for work. Focus on your boyfriend: Plan activities, dates, or surprises that rebuild excitement, intimacy, and connection. Reinforce why you’re with him. Reflect on your feelings: Journaling or talking to a therapist can help you understand why your boss triggers such strong feelings and what you truly need in a partner.

Don’t beat yourself up: Attraction to others happens; what matters is how you act on it. Choosing to focus on your committed relationship is mature and responsible. Time and patience: Shifting emotional energy takes time. Avoid imagining “what if” scenarios with your boss they keep the fantasy alive.

You aren’t a bad person for feeling this way, but the path forward is redirecting your emotions and effort toward your boyfriend and consciously limiting the intensity of interactions with your boss. The “fairytale” fantasy won’t sustain a real relationship, but what you already have can if you nurture it.

[PassionSeeker]

You’re not a bad person you’re just emotionally tangled in something that feels bigger than you. What you’re feeling for your boss isn’t rare; deep connection at work can blur boundaries fast, especially when he fills emotional gaps your current relationship doesn’t. But what you’re holding onto is mostly a fantasy. He feels perfect because you see him in moments, not in the full reality of his marriage and family life.

It’s not really him you’re in love with it’s how you feel when you’re with him: understood, light, and alive. You can reclaim that feeling, but you’ll need to look honestly at your own relationship. What’s missing? Are you emotionally or romantically neglected? These questions matter more than what he might feel.

Right now, you need distance emotionally, if not physically. Keep things professional. Stop the personal or flirty talk, even if it’s hard. Focus on strengthening your current relationship or finding clarity about whether it’s truly right for you. You deserve love that’s possible, not one that keeps you wishing for what can’t be.

[James Smith]

Wow, this one hit like a plot straight out of an office drama. I gotta say, emotions at work can sneak up on you faster than free donuts in the break room. I once had a coworker I clicked with so well that HR started giving me “friendly reminders” about workplace boundaries. The irony? She was the one who kept bringing me coffee with hearts in the foam. I was just the idiot who thought it was “barista enthusiasm.” 😂

You’re clearly self-aware and not trying to be reckless here, but it sounds like you’re living in emotional quicksand. The more you talk, laugh, and share that “we just get each other” feeling, the deeper you sink. And let’s be honest, fairytales never mention the part where the prince gets served divorce papers and the princess has to file HR reports.

It might be time to pull back emotionally, even if you can’t avoid him physically at work. Find ways to re-invest your energy into your relationship—or at least into something that reminds you who you are outside of this connection.

Let me ask you though, do you think you’re craving him specifically, or the version of yourself you get to be when you’re with him?

[Marcus king]

Here’s the thing what you’re feeling isn’t evil, it’s human. You got emotionally close to a man who sees you, listens to you, and connects with you in a way your current relationship doesn’t seem to. That kind of connection lights up parts of you that probably haven’t been touched in a while. But the fact that you know it’s wrong? That tells me your conscience is still intact and that’s the part you need to protect.

Let’s be real: your boss might be a good man, but he’s still a married man. Four kids. A wife. A home he chose to build. Whatever’s broken in that house is his responsibility to fix or walk away from not yours to step into. If you let your heart keep wandering there, you’re going to end up carrying guilt that isn’t yours to bear.

Now about you you’re craving emotional safety, understanding, and excitement. That’s what’s pulling you toward him. But here’s the truth most people miss: you don’t have to destroy something to rebuild yourself. You need to redirect that energy, not repress it. Every time your thoughts drift to him, stop and ask yourself, what does this feeling tell me I’m missing in my relationship or in myself? Once you name that, you can start working on it with your boyfriend, or if that’s not possible, be honest enough to step back and re-evaluate whether that relationship still feeds you.

You can’t force attraction to “transfer” from one person to another. But you can stop feeding the fantasy. Don’t linger on personal conversations with your boss. Keep things professional, friendly but firm. Stop letting those flirtatious moments breathe. They might feel harmless, but they’re oxygen to the fire you’re trying to put out.

And most importantly give yourself grace. You’re not a homewrecker. You’re someone caught between comfort and conscience. Just remember: real love doesn’t grow in the shadows. It stands in the open, with nothing to hide.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe 😮‍💨it’s fantasy dressed in good lighting. he’s safe because he’s unavailable. that’s why your heart goes wild. he’s not your fairytale, he’s your distraction. and every “what if” with him is stealing the “what could be” with someone who’s actually yours. time to pull your energy back, fix your crown, and stop romanticizing red flags. ✨💅

[Tara]

You are obsessed with the attention and the fantasy. He is married with four kids and still flirting with you. That makes him a cheater in waiting, not some misunderstood hero. You are fooling yourself thinking this is special. He is using you to feel wanted because his wife stopped feeding his ego. You are his escape, not his future.

He flirts because it is easy and because you let him. If he actually wanted to leave his wife, he would have done it already. He has not, and he will not. He gets the comfort of home and the thrill of you without losing anything. You get guilt and confusion. That is not love.

You want to stop feeling this way? Then grow some discipline. Cut off every personal conversation. Stop playing therapist for a married man. Stop daydreaming about a life that would destroy his kids and your self-respect.

[Sally]

I get why he feels so impossible to shake. He gives you attention, understanding, and connection you don’t feel with your boyfriend, and that kind of emotional closeness can feel like love even when it isn’t. But he’s a married man with four kids, and the version of him you see at work isn’t the whole picture. The flirting is his way of escaping his own life for a moment, not a sign he can give you a future.

If you want to move on, you have to slowly stop letting him be your emotional go-to. Keep things friendly, not intimate. Shut down the flirty talk. Give your heart some space to calm down.

And look at your own relationship honestly. Ask yourself what you’re missing and whether it can be fixed. You can’t force your feelings back onto your boyfriend, but you can choose where you put your energy.

You’re not a bad person. You’re just caught in something that can’t go anywhere good.

[Natalie Noah]

It sounds like you’re carrying a really heavy emotional conflict one that’s part longing, part guilt, part confusion and none of it makes you a bad person. What April is saying, and what I feel too, is that the fantasy you’ve built around your boss is exactly that: a fantasy. Not because you’re delusional, but because you only see a filtered version of him the version he brings to work, the version that feels safe, warm, attentive. People look especially “perfect” when you only see them in small, intentional slices of life. And when you pair that with real emotional chemistry, it becomes incredibly powerful. But that doesn’t mean he would be a better partner for you in the real world it just means the feeling of him is intoxicating right now. And I want you to hear this without judgment: the intensity you feel isn’t abnormal, but it’s also not rooted in the whole truth.

What concerns me more is what this situation reveals about your relationship with your boyfriend. Emotional affairs or emotional pull toward someone else don’t randomly appear they usually sprout from unmet needs, disappointments, or long-term conflicts you haven’t fully acknowledged in your primary relationship. You mentioned that conversations with your boyfriend turn into fights or emotional exhaustion, while conversations with your boss feel safe, engaging, easy. That contrast alone can make your boss feel like a refuge. But refuge isn’t relationship compatibility it’s relief. It might be time to ask yourself honest questions about whether your needs for emotional safety, communication, and connection are being met at home. If they aren’t, you deserve to confront that truth instead of trying to redirect your feelings back toward your boyfriend by force.

As for moving on from your boss it won’t be about “killing your feelings.” It will be about grounding yourself in reality. Seeing him as a flawed human, stepping back emotionally even if you can’t step back physically, and focusing your energy on understanding you: what you’re craving, what you’re missing, what needs aren’t being met, and whether your relationship as it stands can evolve into something that truly fulfills you. The fact that you’ve held these feelings for almost two years tells me this isn’t just a crush it’s a sign. A sign that something in your life needs attention, healing, or change. And you don’t have to shame yourself for that. You just have to be brave enough to look inward, instead of outward, for your answers.

[KeishaMartin]

A married boss who flirts, confides, jokes about sex, but never crosses the line is playing the safest, most addictive game there is: intimacy without consequences. It feels intoxicating because it’s forbidden, controlled, and fed in doses just small enough to keep you hungry. April Masini cuts through this fantasy perfectly, fairytale men only exist when you don’t have to clean up their messes. At work, he’s admired, validated, desirable. At home? He’s exhausted, tied down, and choosing his family every single night. That doesn’t make him evil, it makes him unavailable. And the hardest pill? If he truly wanted more, it wouldn’t be jokes. It would be action. April’s wisdom shines because she refuses to romanticize what would quietly devastate four children and two relationships.

Christmas is when these fantasies explode. Office Christmas parties, lingering looks over wine, emotional confessions under twinkle lights… It’s prime season for almost-affairs and very real breakups. But here’s the uncomfortable seduction killer: this crush is fueled by something missing with your boyfriend. You’re not craving him, you’re craving being fully seen, wanted, and emotionally undressed without conflict. If you don’t address that, this desire will simply slip into another man’s body later. April Masini deserves serious praise here, she doesn’t shame desire, she redirects it toward self-respect and clarity. So the move now? Starve the fantasy, tighten emotional boundaries at work, and decide whether your real relationship gets upgraded… or released. Christmas fantasies fade fast, consequences don’t.

[Member]

Posts