[mdm29]

Hi April,

I wrote to you last week regarding my relationship. Your advice is so helpful. I can’t help but ask your advice as I’m in such a weird spot. I don’t want you to think I’m just looking for reasons to break up, because I’m not, but I am just a really confused 23 year old woman looking for any advice possible.

Aside from my previous issues (lack of passion, sex, etc) I wanted to also add in a few more things. As I last stated, the sex isn’t passionate and is barely there but we had one good night last week so I had mentioned that being glad it happened. It’s like right after it happens and the day after I’m happy and feel satisfied. It’s almost like I try and hold onto that feeling but deep down I know, that maybe in a few days, my mind goes right back to where it was before the passionate moments. It’s like I know it doesn’t last long, or it’s once in a blue moon, so I enjoy it for the moment and then I get right back into my analyzing.

Yesterday I went to his house after work (like I do every Friday as I typically stay at his place for the whole weekend). I went up to his room, and like usual when I’m gone for a few days, his room is a MESS. He is 24 years old and really has a bad case of a “mama’s boy”. There was stuff all over is floor that he could have swept, clean clothes thrown on the floor, bed not made, and things just everywhere. Like always, I cave and clean, because I can’t stand being in his room when it’s like that. I swept, put his clothes away, and disinfected the coffee table and other surface areas in his room. When I asked him to please start cleaning it he jokingly says “nahh I wont”, and I say that I’m not doing it anymore and that hes 24 and it wouldn’t kill him to clean sometimes. He comes back with “nahh you can just keep doing it” and laughs and continues to joke. I told him if he’s like this when we actually live together (like we plan on next year) that I won’t be putting up with it and that it won’t end up working out. He just always thinks its a big joke when I am actually being serious.

I get all men probably have this issue, but if your girlfriend is staying over I would expect it to be at least a bit tidy. If I didn’t clean his room it wouldn’t even be fit to be in. I keep saying to myself maybe when we live together it will be different and he will start to do more things. But, on the other side of it, part of me thinks it will be the same as it is now or worse. His mom and dad have that type of relationship. She does EVERYTHING. There is no romance in there relationship anymore, she sleeps on the couch and hes upstairs. Every morning he hollers down and wakes her up so she can make his tea and take it up to him in bed. I am totally for doing things for your man, but seeing how they are and seeing how similar he is to his dad in that way, makes me super hesitant.

I can’t help but constantly analyze these things and the lack of passion/sex. Even kissing, which seems to always be something I have to ask for, or if I initiate it, I can feel the pull away when he seems to feel its enough. I know it must look like I’m just reaching for reasons, but I truly am not. Trust me, if I can make it work I want to, but sometimes I just don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Any advice would be amazing! I’m constantly torn and my mind is always racing. I’m 23 years old and I’m getting at the age where considering the person to be with for the rest of your life comes into play a little more seriously. I just want to get this figured out so I can either be at peace with us and figure it out and make it work, or end it and move on and live life more for me and figure out what I want if he’s not the one I’m supposed to be with. You only have only life, and I want to make sure that I am completely certain about who I want to spend my life with as it is something so so so important to me.

Thank you so much April!

Marley

[AskApril Masini]

I would love to answer you, but first….. please re-post this new question as a “reply” to the string of posts you already have on this forum. That way I can see everything in one place. You’ll get my best advice that way, and if you’re lucky, other people will chime in and give you advice that way, too!

I’ll look out for your re-post.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[mdm29]

Perfect!

Posted this in my previous post!

Thanks 🙂

[AskApril Masini]

Awesome.

[Member]

Posts