[Tombfn]

Hi April

Firstly thank you for this wonderful website. Ok, I am 42yr single male, who mutually started be-friending a female collegue at work. after a year of really getting close only as friends, she and I both admitted we had fallen in love with each other. I told her that she really needs to re-think this and her son who is 1yr old. She told me her husband after 8 yrs of marriage doesn’t work out, he doesn’t take interest in the child or there marriage, and just basically goes with the flow. I told her once things got really intense between us she needs to exaust all the options and then if she still feels that strong she needs to make the hard choice, and consider divorce. I cant do this for her. Since then things got weird for us, since I cant do things half way, and she just decided to make peace with this since I heard nothing back as to there relationship. My problem is I am there and have being for her and when her child is sick, or needs help or just someone to talk to. I cheer her up, make her feel good, but I know the signs and I stopped it immediately , cause I was becoming the 3rd wheel. How do I handle this, I removed her number and stop chat to her, at wrk we friendly and descent with each other, but she still txt me when her son is sick, ( I think its an excuse to contact me) and until recent I would jump loops now I sympathise with her, off my assistance if needed and leave it there. I feel she needs me but doesn’t want me. She is 30yrs old, and she is really not a player, and hasn’t experience this ever, but things on in the air, and I feel I made it clear how I felt about her ,and told her love is a two way street, if she cant fight for me, I have no more place in her life. Please give me advice, cause I want to be there always and help her and love her and her son, but its tearing me apart, cause he still there when it suits him and it feels she just wants my attention but never askes me to come to the hospital or really shows me she wants me in her life. thank you!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry you’re in a tough spot. 🙁 It sounds like she’s not that into you. She’s chosen her husband over you, and as long as you’re there for her, she’ll call you when she needs something. 😕 Probably, a part of you has been hoping she’d change, but over time, you’re getting the picture that this isn’t going the way you had hoped it would. Using boundaries is the best thing you can do for yourself — and her. Before she calls you again, tell her that you’d prefer that she not ask you for help with her son, because you’re not her friend, and she’s married and has chose her marriage, in spite of any problems she has in it. It’s too hard for you to be involved in any interim way any more. I know you feel rejected, but the truth is that her clarity is what’s going to make this easier for you in the long run. Ask her to please find a babysitter or a friend or relative to help her out when she needs babysitting help because you’re going to have to start saying no. When you do this now — and not “in the moment” that she calls you, you don’t have to feel like you’re leaving her in a lurch at the last minute. And cultivate your social life outside of your office. Since you’re going to see her daily, it’s more difficult to move on — unless you’ve got other options outside of work. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please check back in here.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Tombfn]

Wow… I don’t have words. Thank you Soooo much April!

How you can give such amazing advice, kind words and still firm enough to give me direction is simple amazing. YOu are truly gifted, thank you I have so much peace knowing I don’t have to feel bad by setting up boundaries and withdrawing and moving on.

Thank you!!!!!!! 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate them.

And good luck with your situation. I’m here if you need me. Let me know if you have any other questions, and please check in with me at some point, to let me know how things are going.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Member]

Posts