[Anonymous]

I have been in a relationship for almost 8 months now and we have never slept together. I feel like I met my match and couldn’t happier but the no sex thing gets to me. I’ve talked to him about it. He’s been honest and says it’s easier for him to sleep with strangers than with someone he loves, he finds it difficult to separate love and sex. We’ve tried to but he says he has to force it. Then we stop and I feel horrible. I’ve been honest in how I feel. He wants to but it’s an issue. He says not pressure him and he’s making strides. At first, i thought he was giving me excuses but I realize this may be a serious issue. i have talked to him about it but it seems the more i do the more pressure he feels. He is constantly wanting to be with me and is very affectionate but no passion. He is also 37 and I’m 29. My question is how can I handle this without pressuring him and is this a common issue for men?

[rdtravis]

Have you tried “Acting like strangers”. Meet up seperately in a bar or resturant and act like you both just met. Or try Role Playing. It is worth a try.

[Ask April Masini]

You’re right. This is a serious issue. Sexuality is a way to express yourself. That he won’t have sex with you indicates he will never show you or express that part of himself to you and won’t accept it from you either. Big red flag for intimacy and commitment. At age 37 he has the tools to help himself, but isn’t. My advice to you is to realize he is not Mr. RIght, and move on to find a man who wants to give his whole self to you and accept your whole self in return. You deserve that! 🙂

[Anonymous]

It might be worth a try but it his lead. I love him and dont want to pressure him. I see what you are saying about the red flag and thank you but it could be possible we can work through this. These are thoughts I was already having and Ive been honest. Expressed myself but not to the point where I push him away. I guess time will tell. Thank you again.

[Ask April Masini]

Good luck — and let us all know how things work out. 🙂

[Ethan Morales]

Yeah… I agree with April on this one it’s a serious red flag, not just about sex, but about emotional intimacy. If a guy can be sexual, but won’t with the person he says he loves, it’s not about love it’s about avoidance. He’s compartmentalizing affection and desire, and that usually points to deeper emotional or psychological walls he’s not ready to deal with.

You’ve done your part honest, patient, supportive. But he’s not taking real steps to fix it. At 37, he knows what this means. You shouldn’t have to keep waiting and shrinking yourself to make him comfortable. Love that can’t connect physically or intimately isn’t sustainable long-term.

You deserve a relationship where love and desire live in the same space not one where you have to earn them separately.

[Author]

Posts