[Anonymous]

I have been in a relationship for almost 8 months now and we have never slept together. I feel like I met my match and couldn’t happier but the no sex thing gets to me. I’ve talked to him about it. He’s been honest and says it’s easier for him to sleep with strangers than with someone he loves, he finds it difficult to separate love and sex. We’ve tried to but he says he has to force it. Then we stop and I feel horrible. I’ve been honest in how I feel. He wants to but it’s an issue. He says not pressure him and he’s making strides. At first, i thought he was giving me excuses but I realize this may be a serious issue. i have talked to him about it but it seems the more i do the more pressure he feels. He is constantly wanting to be with me and is very affectionate but no passion. He is also 37 and I’m 29. My question is how can I handle this without pressuring him and is this a common issue for men?

[rdtravis]

Have you tried “Acting like strangers”. Meet up seperately in a bar or resturant and act like you both just met. Or try Role Playing. It is worth a try.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re right. This is a serious issue. Sexuality is a way to express yourself. That he won’t have sex with you indicates he will never show you or express that part of himself to you and won’t accept it from you either. Big red flag for intimacy and commitment. At age 37 he has the tools to help himself, but isn’t. My advice to you is to realize he is not Mr. RIght, and move on to find a man who wants to give his whole self to you and accept your whole self in return. You deserve that! 🙂

[Anonymous]

It might be worth a try but it his lead. I love him and dont want to pressure him. I see what you are saying about the red flag and thank you but it could be possible we can work through this. These are thoughts I was already having and Ive been honest. Expressed myself but not to the point where I push him away. I guess time will tell. Thank you again.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good luck — and let us all know how things work out. 🙂

[Ethan Morales]

Yeah… I agree with April on this one it’s a serious red flag, not just about sex, but about emotional intimacy. If a guy can be sexual, but won’t with the person he says he loves, it’s not about love it’s about avoidance. He’s compartmentalizing affection and desire, and that usually points to deeper emotional or psychological walls he’s not ready to deal with.

You’ve done your part honest, patient, supportive. But he’s not taking real steps to fix it. At 37, he knows what this means. You shouldn’t have to keep waiting and shrinking yourself to make him comfortable. Love that can’t connect physically or intimately isn’t sustainable long-term.

You deserve a relationship where love and desire live in the same space not one where you have to earn them separately.

[Natalie Noah]

The delicate balance between love, affection, and unmet sexual needs. The woman clearly cares deeply for her partner and values their emotional connection, yet the lack of sexual intimacy is creating tension and frustration. What stands out most is that he struggles to separate love from sex, which is a personal and psychological barrier he has not resolved. His difficulty isn’t uncommon, but it is significant because sexual expression is a fundamental aspect of intimacy in a romantic relationship. If he cannot engage fully, it limits the depth of connection they can share and may lead to resentment over time.

Her approach shows thoughtfulness and patience. she has been honest about her feelings without pressuring him, which is respectful. However, there’s a clear red flag: if he’s unable or unwilling to work through this at age 37, it signals that he may not have the tools or motivation to fully participate in a healthy, intimate partnership. Even with love and affection, this inability to connect sexually could create long-term dissatisfaction for both partners. It’s not about blame, it’s about recognizing compatibility and the importance of mutual fulfillment in a relationship.

This situation calls for clarity and self-awareness. She has to weigh her emotional connection against her sexual needs and consider whether staying in this relationship is sustainable for her own happiness. While hope and patience are commendable, there is a risk that time alone won’t resolve the issue if he cannot or will not confront it. The reality is that love without sexual intimacy when it is desired can lead to frustration and unmet expectations, and she deserves a partner who can engage fully with her emotionally and physically. It’s a tough situation, but awareness and honesty with herself are crucial moving forward.

[Tara]

You’re trying to romanticise a problem that’s staring you in the face: this man is 37 years old and cannot have sex with the woman he claims to love. That’s not “beautiful sensitivity.” That’s emotional paralysis wrapped in poetic excuses. And you’re bending yourself into knots trying to make it sound noble instead of what it actually is, a relationship with a dead battery you keep pretending is charging.

He can sleep with strangers but not with you. That isn’t deep. That’s dysfunction. And the fact that he “has to force it” should tell you exactly how stuck he is. When a man wants a woman, he makes it very clear, not with affection, not with cuddling, not with constant closeness, but with actual desire. You’re getting the comfort-zone version of him, not the passionate one.

And stop tricking yourself into thinking that “not pressuring him” will magically fix this. You’ve already pressured him by tiptoeing around it, crying about it internally, and bringing it up repeatedly. He knows exactly what you want, but he’s not able to give it to you right now. The more you pretend patience will solve it, the more resentment builds under your skin until you explode or check out emotionally.

You’re calling this “common” because you’re trying to avoid the real question: can you stay in a relationship indefinitely with zero sex from a partner who shuts down sexually every time you get close? This isn’t an 8-month dry spell. This is a pattern. And at 37, patterns don’t magically disappear because you’re understanding and patient.

Here’s your reality check: you’re in love with a man who can give you affection but not intimacy. You can either accept a relationship that will always feel incomplete, or you can walk away before you waste years hoping he becomes someone he’s not.

[Sally]

It’s hard when everything feels right except the part that usually comes naturally. And honestly, what he told you… that’s a lot for one person to carry. Some folks really do freeze up when feelings get real, and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you.

But you can’t pretend it’s easy on you. Wanting closeness isn’t pressure it’s normal. The tricky part is you can’t fix this for him. Every time you bring it up, he hears it like a reminder that he’s “failing,” even though he’s not.

All you can do is be clear about your needs and pay attention to how long you can live like this without feeling small. Love shouldn’t make you feel unwanted.
Give it some time, but don’t lose yourself waiting.

[Member]

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