[jennlexii]

I’ve been talking to this guy at my university everyday for about 6 months. we hang out at least once a week and i spend the night often. I’ve met his friends and he’s met mine a few of mine. at the beginning, he always wanted to hangout and texted me 24.7 and now just once a week is enough for him to see me and there will be days where he wont text me (i start convos too, but rarely). he used to invite me to go out with him and his friends all the time and now thats faded. in the beginning we both agreed that we didnt want a serious commitment bc he is very busy in school and i just got out of 1. now he’s constantly saying how he wants to be with me (exclusively committed) and he’s just waiting for me to be ready(maybe just meaningless words?). we go out to dinner, the mall, etc and he always makes future plans about going on vacations together, etc. his mom has contacted me so i know he talks about me. I’m just concerned bc sometimes he won’t reach out to talk to me and a lot of times well make plans and hell cancel (or reschedule) bc something comes up. the lack of communication recently and the fact that he doesn’t always pull through is scaring me. every time we get in a discussion, he is the one who tries to fix it and states he wants to make it work no matter what but his actions seem to point the other way. he’s very popular with girls but always assures me they are just friends and has reached out to a few of them to let them know he’s with me(I’ve seen the texts and have been told by some of them). the fact that he’s so friendly with other girls also makes me feel like he may be playing me. we often talk about sexual things but often hangout (mall, dinner, lunch) without having sex. overtime we go back to his place to hang out, he almost begs me to stay the night and holds me the whole night. is he playing me for sex?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think he’s playing you for sex, but I also think he may be hedging his bets because he doesn’t have a clear commitment from you. Think about it from his point of view — he’s waiting for a commitment from you. You’re not sure. He’s thinking there’s a chance you won’t give him one, so he’s looking beyond that possible rejection. The fact that he’s popular with girls doesn’t have anything to do with this — this is all about whether or not you want to give this a shot. The problems you seem to have with the relationship, like communication and canceling or rescheduling plans, don’t seem like they should be deal breakers. In fact, they seem like issues that two people in a committed relationship would be able to work through. I think that at the six month mark of having sex with him and hanging out with him, it’s time for you to make a decision about whether or not to be a committed couple. This isn’t a marriage — just a dating commitment. I think that if you don’t make the commitment, he may slowly pull away, which is what I think you’re feeling now.

[Member]

Posts