[tina.hopkins]

Hi, I’m married for just a little over a year after being with the same guy for a steady 2 years. It has been off and on since the last 6 years. The last time we were off I was seeing this guy briefly but the impact we had on each other was great. We had a good connection and are people with a goal in life almost in the same fields.

Don’t get me wrong, I am committed to my husband for sure, and wouldn’t be able to live without him. I have grown up with him. So he is all I know. Literally… But I am ambitious and he is practical about life. I am too but I want to do a lot with my life… Which he is fine with…

He knows I was seeing this guy very briefly and that I Had a strong attachment towards him. But the reason why I didn’t end up with him is because of his commitment to his goals and he knew how he wanted to pursue them, which resulted to him being upset with me seeming to show too much care. He was used and is used to doing things for himself, so having someone being there for him in any way would seem to just disturb him.

Anyways, so I am happy… and content with my marriage… when my husband is around. But right now we are in different countries, and I call him everyday. He has said he wont call because he doesn’t want to annoy me like the many years he had done so… checking up on me etc… he just is like whatever u want to do u do it.. but if u do something wrong u have to deal with it for the rest of your life. So that is his attitude towards me living my life here.

Now I used to leave messages of ‘good wishes’ and stuff like that for my ex but he just recently replied. To which I stupidly gave my numbers and said he could contact me sometime. I was truely extremely shocked to receive a call from him… I was really thinking is this for real???

Now that I didn’t expect any reply let alone a phone call. So he calls in the morning, asks me all sorts of questions and me being so shocked I couldnt think of any question but how are you? And whats how is life going?
He then leave the convo with if your free this weekend lets meet up and catch up or something, which I agreed would be fine. I did not give it a thought…

——————-
Two summers ago we started and end like this:

We’re talkin, all friendly and cool and then hes like I like you that whole lets get together talk. My first reaction was no, I had never been with anyone but the guy I am married to. But I was like hes a good guy, and it wouldn’t be bad to just see what its like. He wasn’t able to keep up after that. He would always talk and keep intouch till after he asked to be with me. I just didn’t understand what the deal was. So I just thought I would be helpful and just be patient… but not even a call or txt per day did I receive.

He was too busy to meet up… we had only met once after he asked me to be his. Then my hubby ex at the time had an accident in his country which made me freak out. The only guy I had ever known was in hospital for the first so I told him that ‘I need to go my ex was in accident is that ok?’ He said ‘yes thats fine’. I was like are you sure, he didn’t seem upset with it. So I said I will be back in a week. I called him when I was there and we had arranged he would pick me up from the airport but nop he didn’t make it… I made my own way home.

Now when I was with this guy, we only kissed… nothing more had happened.

After some time I went to his to just see how he was and if he wasn’t home to just leave him a little present. He was upset that I came over and we had ended things that day. I went…. AND that was it till now…
——————-

Now since he has actually attempted to get back in touch, I have not called him much as I would normally, I called and messaged him the same day he called and left it… he asked that morning to meet up and I was like uhh ok… Its all very very strange… I honestly don’t understand that this would mean anything more.

He didn’t call for some days and I definately didn’t have a reason to contact him. And I did not expect to hear from him for a long while.

So he calls again and is like we arranged to meet, when would you like to? I was like…well im at work bla bla bla… so we arrange to meet up later… but not too late as he had work the next day.
then his work stuff poped up and he had to attend it immediately and asked if i could leave mine later… i was like ok. Then it got really late and I was like I can’t leave now… so I said we should meet up another time. But he was determined to meet up that night and then saying that he would get me a taxi etc and that he does not have work tomorrow. Anyways I said well if your free tomorrow we can meet up then but let me know in advance.

I know I should tell him I’m married and am doing fine just trying to settle back in but I am wondering whats going on… this guy doesn’t bother to at least leave things on a good note with me then and then thinks he can be all nice now… for what?

I don’t think its anything of a serious though… I would just hope for an apology which my girlfriend said that wont happen. So I am just curious… how do these guys function?

Is this wrong?? Does him asking me to catch up mean a date? I don’t want to misinterpret this situation. But then again I don’t understand the terms of being asked out etc.

Back in my early days till i got married, my husband never asked me out. He just told me how he felt about me and we worked things out extremely slowly from there. So going to the cinema or out to eat or any dating kinda stuff was and is not his thing. He would rather be home and cook a meal… have a few small arguments play some sports… come home eat and then sleep. Before when were students I would leave for my classes.. he was sweet and would make me a lunch pack… and hopefully when he got home from his studies I would have dinner ready. Even then he would go to his parents home to play some sports with his friends and then come home eat and watch some tv and sleep.

I am trying hard to mold our relationship and maybe it will change when he manages to come to my country and see our lifestyle and way of maintaining relationships.. It is work and I think I will be fine. I have no concerns its just I’ve had no experience with other men to understand them.

As long as I know where I stand and this guy lets me know whats going on in his mind is it ok for me to just ignore what this may mean?

At the right time I would want him to know everything about me, but I don’t know if I’m thinking too much… which I most probably am doing otherwise I would be here..

And I think me and my ex could be really good friends but if he likes me… hes a decent guy… then he won’t want to have anything to do with me.

Some advise would be great… I know this is long… but for me its complicated… if anyone has anything to say that could be of some guidance to me that would be great.

[RottenRonni]

It is okay to hang out with your ex as long as you both are on the same page and that would be the friends only page. Meet up and just see what happens, but do make sure he knows you’re happily married and you plan to stay that way. I am friends with a few of my ex’s and they all know I am in a relationship that I plan on keeping and not screwing up. Don’t fall into the ” I remember us when … ” trap either. Sometimes you remember how it was, or you’re having so much fun with this person that you start to fantasize what it would be like to be with them. This does happen…just let it stay where it should stay…in your fantasy. Good rule of thumb when dealing with ex’s or any other friend of the opposite sex is this…” would I say or do these things with this male friend if my man was sitting right here next to me? ” If the answer is YES..then all is good, if it is no..then you’re going beyond the ” he’s only a friend ” thing with him. Hope this helps and good luck!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t get it: You and your husband have been married for a year, but you live in different countries? When will you live in the same country again? Why are you separated like this? ❓ ❓

It’s not right for you to contact your ex-boyfriend when your husband is out of town, and not to tell him you’re married. 😯 You’re being dishonest all around. 😳 I think you’re lonely, and you’re looking for some male companionship or more while your husband is away.

It would help to know why you and your husband are separated to advise you further. 😕

[Member]

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