[mixedupmandy33]

Hi April, hope you can help with some advice…

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, a year ago he went through a stage where he became very detached and didnt want any intimacy – he told me his feelings had changed and he just saw me as a friend. I was shocked and angry and decided to try and get over him and moved back home – but after a few days he was acting like nothing was wrong and was always calling and texting me and calling me his girlfriend. I was confused but still loved him so I went along with it. He blamed it on stress with his job. We started getting on better and after a few months everything was great again and I moved back in with him. He told me that I was the one. Since we have lived together he makes no effort to be with me, he is always working or out with his friends and we have not even been out together once in 6 months. He is acting the same way he did last year and becoming more detached and never initiates intimacy. I can’t believe he is doing this again, I tried to talk to him but we both get really upset, he says he still loves me but we have lost the spark and doesnt know if we should be together but yet he can’t imagine being without me! I can’t afford to move out as I live away from friends and family and would have to make a big change and move back home if we split up. Should I try and sort this out or is it over?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s not a good idea to stay with a boyfriend because you have financial problems. It’s not like you have a marriage commitment, have children together, or own a home together — all of which would make the stakes higher if you chose to leave. If you had all the money in the world, my guess is that you’d leave him. But because you can’t afford to live on your own, you’re deciding to stay. My first piece of advice is to find a way to be self-sufficient. Get a job. Get a career. Make your own money.

Next, you have to decide if the reason he isn’t interested in you is because you haven’t been pulling your weight in the relationship. If you’ve let yourself go and haven’t been the best girlfriend possible, then you’re going to have this problem again with someone else. But if you’re really being your best self and he’s not just the one for you — and vice versa, then it is time to move on and find Mr. Right.

But in order to find Mr. Right, you have to get your own affairs in order! 😉

I hope that helps.

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