[solarflare]

Met a guy online. He sent me an email first. I responded. We had a great back and forth. A week later I left him a fun short email in the late afternoon. One sentence to be exact. He responded later that night. Next day I responded. We had another great back and forth. Our exchange was more like a real-time chat. But it was email so there was some delay. The dating site doesn’t have a chat feature. I said it would be great if it did. He asked me if I was on any other social networking site. I said I wasn’t really “on” it anymore. He said if I had an app we could chat via phone. He said,”this is my number if you have the app and if you don’t have it!!” (I don’t have the app.) Told him I’d keep his number in my back pocket for now in a fun and playful way so he would know I was interested but not eager to call him. Because in my mind, I’m not in a hurry. The back and forth continued fun, effortless.

Four days later (am) I was cleaning up my inbox at the site and accidently clicked on his profile and also somehow deleted our messages. Left him a funny anecdotal message about what happened. (Because he would be notified I had gone to his profile.) My message did not require a response. He responded within 30 min and said he wanted to meet me before he leaves town in ten days.(He used exclamation points, again.) He’s moving to another city, which is only an hour or so flight away.

I didn’t respond right away. I thought ok we’ve emailed, there’s a good vibe so far, he’s moving, let’s try a phone call and just see how that goes. And under the circumstances I didn’t see the point in waiting x amount of days to make that call, either. I called early that evening and left a brief message including my number. I didn’t ask him to call me, no rambling, just an “ok, talk soon”. Zero neediness. There’s been no response. Poof!

I had no expectations when this started, but I did have an expectation he would return the call or the very least email. Again, he initiated wanting to meet. I also didn’t expect him to call right a way because moving is time consuming. But it only takes a minute to pop off an email that there’s no time to meet after all. I would understand that. That’s clean, that’s clear. But now that four days have passed I know that call/email isn’t going to happen. For the record, I know better than to try and contact him again. I have no interest in doing that. I’d rather have my teeth pulled without anesthesia. LOL!

Just curious to hear whatever insights. It’s just so odd. Also, at some point we could be online at the same time. Should I log out after a couple of minutes. I don’t want to give the appearance I’m hanging out there waiting for him. Because that won’t be the case. But I do get contacted by others. What should I do if (BIG IF) he sends me a message? I know some guys blow off someone then later come back with some story. Sometimes it’s legit, sometimes not. Personally, even with the craziness of moving I don’t see a legitimate reason for it. A simple email would suffice. Just common courtesy, really. And there’s no skin off anyone’s nose.

Thanks in advance.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

My advice is to lighten up a little and try putting yourself in his shoes for a perspective check! 🙂 The fact that he’s moving is going to take up a lot of his time. Also, you mentioned that he’s moving a one hour plane ride away, so he’s going to be dealing with moving his stuff, himself, his job, starting up new utilities, a new apartment or house, a new car or shipping his old car out there or driving — you’re beginning to get my drift, I think! 😉 For you, it would just take one e-mail for him to reconnect, and you’re right — that would be very nice. But for him, he’s got a mountain on his plate with this move, and because the two of you met online on a dating site, he’s probably meeting others, too — just as he assumes you are. You’ve never really dated, so it’s not really like he’s gone MIA — he’s just moving.

Don’t worry about logging off the dating site if he’s on. In other words, don’t change your behavior for him. Instead, don’t make him such a big part of your life. Instead, continue looking for other guys who might be Mr. Right, and if he does resurface after his move (or during it), then be happy to hear from him — if you actually are!

He may also be deciding he wants to date someone in his new area code to make his life easier — this isn’t a rejection of you; it’s a rejection of your area code!

Hope this helps, and let me know how things go!

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[solarflare]

Thanks, April. My mother passed recently and I am just a wee bit more sensitive than I would be normally.

I don’t think he is moving. He’s been on the website three times this week. He hasn’t changed his location in his profile. Funny that. (Btw, I’m not seeking that info out, it’s there because of our old messages in my inbox which I see when I’m responding to new messages from others.) I think he was playing games. Whatever.

My motto; Next page, moving on.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

I’m very sorry about your mother passing. It’s understandable that you’re more sensitive now.

However….. I think your motto of “next page” is a good one in this case. I’m here if you need me! 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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[Hunza]

The guy seems like a “Typical Online Player.
The “moving to another city” excuse is often used by people who are afraid of commitment or are just looking for online validation. He’s sitting on the dating site looking for new prey while just pretending to move. You were right, if he were actually moving, it would only take a minute to say, “I’m busy, talk later.”
I agree with AskApril, and her advice is always “High-Value” because she correctly pointed out that you shouldn’t revolve your life around that guy. If he appears online, there’s no need to log out; just go about your normal business.
Ask April made a very profound point that perhaps the guy wants to find someone in his new city now to make his life easier. This isn’t a rejection of you; it’s just an issue of distance.

[Member]

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