[marley2]

Dear April,
What would be the best way to approach a situation where you’re wanting to rekindle something with someone who didn’t want commitment before? I’ve seen other guys and none of them felt right or compared in chemistry. I really like this man and want this to go somewhere. He lives in Naniamo and I live in Victoria which is about 1 1/2 away, we were seeing each other for a short while, he waited for me while I went on a trip for a month to India. When I came back he wanted to make me happy so he agreed to commitment but the title freaked him out so he ran (My mistake though trying to cuff him right before an all guys trip to Las Vegas with all of his single friends) In any case we ended. He’s very stubborn, so even if he realized he messed up with me he wouldn’t have tried to go after me. We hadn’t spoken or seen each other in about 2 months, I reached out to him a couple days ago because I missed having him in my life, and figured at the very minimum we could try to be friends, he responded really quickly!

Since reconnecting a couple important circumstances have changed on both sides making things easier than before. The biggest was that He had a full time job as well as owned a company, which meant he worked 12-18 hour days. But has sold the company. He told me it was funny timing that I was reaching out to him now because of this, he would now be able to have a life and have more time for other things. We’re starting to talk again regularly and both agreed to start over as friends (this didn’t last long) and see where things went. The narrative has changed back into flirty-relationship like conversations. I guess I’m just wondering why he is even wanting to try again, since it was such a big issue before..? I’m hoping he’s not stupid enough to think I miraculously don’t want a commitment any more, but with men I can’t be sure.

I’m trying to be optimistic and hope that he still feels something for me or else he wouldn’t be talking to me again the way he is and I’m a little far to be any sort of convenient booty call. He’s offered to come down and see me, so we can talk and catch up but I’m also wanting the upper hand this time. He’s obviously done some re-evaluating about life by selling his company and is now has time for a life, So how can I be in it? Any suggestions, advice would be great. Thanks!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, lose the notion that you can be friends with a guy. You can’t — and you don’t want to be. Second, if you want him to ask you out on a date again, you have to flirt with him and let him know you’re interested and would like to date him — without spelling it out for him. Third, you have to look at your history with him and see where you can make some changes. It appears that you pushed him for a commitment when you were dating, and that was a mistake — so back off from that type of behavior. 😉 Lastly, let go of the idea of having “an upper hand” in a relationship. The reality is that you both have assets and deficits and the way a relationship will work is if you get to know each other, find compatibility if it’s there, and enjoy each other’s company. Big picture thinking balanced with some micro-tweaks will serve you well! 😀

Hope that helps.

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[marley2]

Dear April, thanks for responding! I’ve taken it in and will use that advice moving forward. Something has happened now though.

Last night cuddling came up and he told me that he’s now seeing someone, but it’s not serious (the most they could be dating is a little over a month because we were together) He said “She is expected to be exclusive. But I’m not. Cuddling isn’t cheating” I’ve decided I want him back in my life, However he has not been talking to me like a friend and rather more than a friend this whole time he’s been with her. I’m also dating around as well so not completely emotionally invested in him right at the moment. I don’t know if he’s told her about me, but I know about her. He’s not a bad guy and we’ve always had an honest relationship which is why he’s told me about her but I’ve already told myself I’m not going to sleep with him until he figures that out (Girl Code). So should I continue talking to him because I really do like him and we have a history? Or should I completely back off?

Thanks April

[marley2]

Dear April, thanks for responding! I’ve taken it in and will use that advice moving forward. Something has happened now though.

Last night cuddling came up and he told me that he’s now seeing someone, but it’s not serious (the most they could be dating is a little over a month because we were together) He said “She is expected to be exclusive. But I’m not. Cuddling isn’t cheating” I’ve decided I want him back in my life, However he has not been talking to me like a friend and rather more than a friend this whole time he’s been with her. I’m also dating around as well so not completely emotionally invested in him right at the moment. I don’t know if he’s told her about me, but I know about her. He’s not a bad guy and we’ve always had an honest relationship which is why he’s told me about her but I’ve already told myself I’m not going to sleep with him until he figures that out (Girl Code). So should I continue talking to him because I really do like him and we have a history? Or should I completely back off?

Thanks April

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you should continue to express your flirtatious interest in him. You’re single, he’s single, you’re both playing the field — it’s all good, and fair. 😎

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter[i] @AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

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